I really do hope that no one I know finds this, because I’ve never really talked about it.
I really don’t want to continue living. I feel this void just constantly making me hollow on the inside. There are happy moments, yeah, but I just want to die.
I kind of feel bad for being on here, as most of you have tragic back stories, self-harm histories, or previous attempts. I am an average 18 year old girl with divorced parents that love me. However, I’ve never felt that my life was my own. I am constantly told what I should do, and who I should be. I don’t know who I am. I feel like my life is headed towards even more misery, even more emptiness. For me, this is only a feeling that I have felt since I started university 4 months ago. I used to hope that once I left home, I would find something to live for, but I didn’t. Now I’m here, wishing that I could just grab a hold of some pills and end it.
However, I’m not sure how I could bear to do that to my family, most importantly my twin sister. She’s self absorbed, and doesn’t really care about my depression and cares mostly about myself, but she would be a wreck.
I feel so lonely, I have no one that I confide these feelings in, because the only one who I try to confide in won’t listen. I feel like the only reason I’m here is so that others won’t feel pain. But what about me? I can’t trust people, can’t feel passion for anything in life off of my laptop. All I see is the bleak future in front of me. Why can’t I just kill myself and end it?
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3 comments
I understand you. I know what void you are talking about. I know how it can turn you into an empty shell even though other people don’t (want to) see anything wrong with you on the outside. However, I think you should seek more help before you try to kill yourself. For example, I’ve been in a battle with depression for over 10 years now and I have tried so many different things, but I know realise that nothing will ever get cured. My brain is just the way it is. That’s why I want to kill myself. But you, you are still young, try to get help from a psychologist first. Not saying it will work, but it’s worth a shot. Suicide shouldn’t be treatment#1 when things start to go bad for a young girl such as you. Only for an man like me who is tried everything and is now at peace with the idea of dying
You can do whatever you want, unless someone else can stop you. It’s just that sometimes, the things you want, have consequences you don’t want. You have to decide what’s worth doing, and what’s worth gaining, despite the consequences attached.
This feels like written by me. Each and every word resembles my story. I too wanna end all this miserable situations. I am now in the final year. Earlier I thought suicide is not an option but now I think I should attempt it. But don’t wanna end up in tragedy. Looking for a full-proof plan. Please help if u have any idea to be extinct.