Why are people so unfriendly to me? Do I give off some vibe that says don’t talk to me? My roommate gives me dirty looks. I will call her Sandra from here on out. I am not sure if this is just how her face normally looks or what but she never says hi or good morning to me, I want to say those things to her but the looks she gives me make me stay silent. I live on campus this semester, it has only been a few days but it has been very hard. I feel like I am constantly sick to my stomach with anxiety. I have a phobia of social situations that I have been working on for years now with various therapists. I am hoping that things get better over time once I get involved on campus; if not I will move back home and be a commuter student. Â
What bothers me is how passive aggressive both of my roommates are, they seem upset but they have never communicated to me why. When I was first moving in Sandra never offered to help me or anything, which isn’t so much a big deal… but at my old college my roommate was really friendly. Everyone on campus was and usually offered to help each other. The only reason I left that school was because it was very expensive versus here. Both girls did invite me to have a roommate dinner, but it was very uncomfortable like I wasn’t sure what to talk about with them. They went out to the store to get food, but never called me down to actually eat with them or to communicate what my plans were. Sandra had her boyfriend over and there was another guy there. I know the first morning I set my alarm clock for eight in the morning, but I mean I have to wake up and I would never let my alarm clock snooze. When I went to get ready the other roommate, let’s call her Reba she just said good morning and I said it back. Then when I got into the shower I heard her talking to the other roommate… I think maybe she was being loud on purpose? She was like nice 8am alarm (sarcastically). I was very hurt by that because if she didn’t like my alarm all she had to do was tell me in the hallway when she had first seen me. I have been using a quieter alarm setting, but I wish they could have just spoke up and told me. There isn’t really any other reason for either of them to be upset. I am hoping that we just got off on the wrong foot and that’s why they are acting this way.
3 comments
You can’t really expect them to help you out and say hi to you every day if you haven’t gone to the lengths to do that for them either. Doing something like saying “Hi. How are you?” every morning with a smile can go a long way.. just pretend that she’s isn’t scowling or whatever because if you stay sunny, you will earn her respect eventually and she may even warm up to you.
If want you want help, ask them for it – I know that some people do not give help unless they are asked, and when they are, they’re more than happy to. If you keep up the vibes where you refuse to ask for help and say hi.. then sure, they won’t really have a reason to like you (unless they’re really nice, of course).
I am socially awkward like you. I remember making a few friends at uni and having them come sit with me for 6 hours not long after we met. The problem was that neither of them really knew each other.. so we had 6 hours of on and off silence – but we agreed that “it’s not awkward unless you make it awkward”. A few weeks later we were a pretty solid group even though we didn’t really get along with one another (not saying we didn’t like each other, we just didn’t match).
You should ask them to have a “roommate dinner” with you again. Maybe you guys can go out to a restaurant, cafe or something so you can all sit together. You could talk about past schools, what they’re studying, if they do any sports – stuff like that. Once you figure out what they’re into conversation should be easier in the long-run.
With the alarm thing, some people are just afraid of confrontation. You have to admit it’s easier to ask someone if they’re being bothered by your alarm rather than go straight to you (perhaps out of fear of offending you). Either way it is a bit rude if they confront you or talk behind your back.
To be honest, I don’t know what you can really do about the alarm.. just tell them that you’re sorry if it’s bothering them and that you’re trying to come up with a better solution, if you want – but don’t suggest that you overheard them. Try to keep things friendly until they’re friendly back or openly mean to you.
Thank you Eturion for the advice, being social can be really intimidating but I will definitely be trying my hardest to put myself out there 🙂 I do want to get along with both of them. There is a large chance we won’t become the best of friends, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be civil to one another.
Great attitude 🙂 I wish you the best of luck! Try to have fun ^^