Smile

I hide behind a smile, a fake self if you will. This self is the one I use when at school around friends who don’t know my secret and around family who will judge if they knew. This self has a smile, a retched smile that sickens me even to look. This smile makes me seem as if I’m fine, that nothing troubles me. However the smile may fade and my true self has shown, just a bit at least then I fear..I fear those who don’t know has seen my darkened colors then the smile appears again as something ‘funny’ happens and I realize no one noticed. I sigh in relief and fix my glasses planning on one day leaving them to face their fears. I myself laugh at this thought though. Why leave? I might be having fun actual fun with these people..even though I still hate that smile..I use it everyday.