I’ve wanted to commit suicide ever since I was 12 and before then I couldn’t really understand the true concept of depression I’d just see it as me being sad all the time. Cutting started becoming my escape from the world because I’d just feel pain and relief at the same time…now I’m just numb from all the suffering I’ve been through and quite frankly the world doesn’t give a shit whether I live or die….right now I’m on the verge of trying to commit suicide again and all I know is that only my family will feel sorrow…..my friends will be sad and bow their heads for only a second then they’ll move on with the rest. Of their lives only visiting me once a year then they’ll soon forget I was there……when people tell me that I’m selfish for wanting to die and that I have so much to live for it makes me so angry. Because its the same people that have their lives together knowing nothing about my pain, its those same people that don’t cry themselves to sleep everynight hating every moment of their lives……I will not live just to watch those people have the life I’ve been deprived of while I’m miserable…the world doesn’t give a shit
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You are right…the world doesn’t… The catch 22 of the situation is that you are the only one who can truely appreciate you and what you have to go through. Pride in your self, pride in what you endure, pride in what you stand for…all things that depression deprives you of, those are the answer to overcoming it.
Stare depression in the face, stare the world in the face and tell them eye to eye, I will not give you the satisfaction…I will not tolerate your indifference to me…I will be heard and I will be seen.
You can accept fate, or you can defy it and have what depression denies you…be what depression forces you not to be… Be You … not the world’s personal door-mat
Ultimately it is about You and wether you want to be … without that … without the hunger for life, you are denying your self … no one else…
At times i wonder if the world doesn’t care because people are too busy on their everyday tasks, or if they are just ignoring depression so it won’t him them as well… sadly that is just an everyday reality, very few people will stand by your side on your depression, even loved ones and family might run away from it because they can’t help, don’t understand it, or just don’t care to have their lifes tainted by someone else’s problems.
In the end only you can decide if you want to endure depression and go on or just give up… i always hear stories about people being “saved” from depression by loved ones and i wonder if it’s just stories or there really are a select few lucky enough to have family/loved ones who understand and will stick with them no matter what.
What can I do for you?
All I want is to be happy, a smile has been so foreign to me I think I may have forgotten how. Not even my family is paying attention, its very hard to find a reason to live when everyday I have a new reason to die. I sincerely appreciate all your comments…its nice to have someone that won’t just think I’m negative or sulking
All I did for 4 straight hours at work was think about ways to kill myself today. It was one of the worse ones for me. Sorry. The golden gate bridge sounds easy. Just one step off and my foolish mind will be less panicked about the speeding water coming up. At 200ft it might as well be concreate. Quick. Those fuckers still haven’t put up a safety net. Or maybe a tall building. You only get 1 suicide to send a good message and a last fuck you.to an uncaring world. I’m sorry we’re all in pain. I wish it was a simple as deciding to feel better. Good luck either way
Feeling suisidal doesnt mean you have to do it,everyone has their moments hell ive had a few but i hang on to the hope that they will find a cure for my disorder i too feel worthless depression steals your soul and sells it to the devil so to speak.