I don’t really know where to start with all my emotions because they are very confusing even to myself. I’m 14 and I had depression when I was about 12 or so and I had suicidal thoughts every day. In that time I saw the world in this very ugly way like if there was no more innocence or beauty. I was able to get over my depression by myself (my mom didn’t believe I actually had depression and I didn’t know who else to tell) and with the love of God. After that experince I learned to look at life with great gratitude and to love the people that surround me. Once I went into high school I felt so much better. I currently love the school that I’m in I’ve made lots of friends that I really care for and that make life worthwhile. But at home its really bad. My family was homeless a few weeks ago until we found a really nice house for rent and we moved in. I had the idea that everything would change once we moved in, no more fighting, my sister not being a douche like always. But I was wrong like always. My family is kinda messed up in many ways. My mom suffered from domestic violence with my dad and my sister lived through it for 5 years and then after my mom left my dad my sister and her have been fighting non stop. When you grow up in a family where fighting is something normal you get sucked into it which is what happened with me. I dont have the best relationship with my sister or mom and me and my sister hit each other and tell each other a lot of bad things. I don’t like going home at all to tell the truth, I hate when my mom says she’s outside my school ready to pick me up because I dont want to leave. I feel safe in my school, I feel welcomed, cared for something that I dont feel at home. I feel as if my friends are my family and that I can do or say whatever I want and everyone would still love me. But that’s not how I feel at home. When I get home I become very quiet and withdrawn the complete opposite of how I am in school. Well lately I’ve been getting into fights with my family and my suicidal thoughts are back. They only last a few moments but in the back of my head I keep thinking maybe I will be able to rest if I kill myself. Ive lost hope that my family life will get any better and that I myself will become a better sister or daughter and I feel that the only time I will be freed from this is when I die. Its not that I want to die because I still have the idea of me getting married and falling in love and having a life but I feel that if I do die I won’t have to feel pain or deal with my home life. Ive also looked for other alternatives, cigarettes, weed, alcohol, anything that can help me forget about the world for a while. I really dont know what to do. I’m so tired I feel like death will set me free. Please if there’s anyone out there that can help me please do. I feel like I can’t get out of this one alone