A Thorn in my Tongue

I’m completely new to all this. I’m not use to throwing my thoughts out into the open because I don’t believe people actually care about what you have to say. I’m a pretty reserved person, doesn’t talk much or engage in social activities. So I’ve decided to turn to this site for all the shit that weighs on me, because I don’t what to do about it anymore. Eighteen years old with no desires or dreams. I find it pathetic. This should the high time; experiencing different things, graduating high school, going to college. Nah, it’s all been ripped away from me. I use to like myself, wasn’t bothered by much but it all took a turn for the worse. I pick myself apart, head to toe. I compare myself to others, listing what I don’t have that they do. I know it’s normal for that to happen, but God damn I never thought it would get so bad. Sometimes I just want to peel my face back, gouge out my eyes and let true beauty be exposed. I’m sick of the outside and everything about it. It’s just a mask, that’s all it really is. Hell, we paint it up, make it look pleasant or even horrifying. A face is just a fucking face, right? A body is just a body. A suit of skin to hide in.

What is life without a vessel? No one knows. It’s strange and quite frightening not having the knowledge of where all this comes from. Say what you want to say and believe as you want to believe but to me, it’s much more complex than the ideal God or the transformation of beings. It goes beyond that it seems, beyond recognition and human understanding. Who really knows what lies at the edge of the universe, maybe nothing. No existence of any kind. A colossal sized canvas of nil.

It’s raining where I am and it looks and sounds absolutely beautiful.