I got accepted into a university I really wanted to get into. I’m happy about it, but I still in someway feel depressed. I thought maybe that would be the thing that brings my mood up but then again I’m so easily ready to leave this life. I guess I should be grateful because I’m getting something I want in life and like I said before I understand that I have been fortunate but I have also been unfortunate.
I feel like a college can accept me but people I know or try and get to know cant. But why is that what the hell is the problem with me?? Professionals see potential in me to be a good student…so why cant people see the potential in me to be a good friend. Nobody pays attention to me when I’m around, they’ll say hi to my friend that they don’t know but wont take a second to say hi to me also. I’m invisible. there is still hope for me I think. I’m actually trying to be optimistic enough to say that. But I do want to be here sometimes and sometimes I just dont. I am so so so conflicted.
I know killing myself would relieve my stress and hurt. But then everyone elses hurt and stress will get worse. Everything I’ve tried to work for will be down the drain. Then again, what the hell do I care? I cant accept myself either, so I don’t know why I expect people to.
4 comments
I felt all alone and depressed when I was in high school and I was tired of it. Im now in college and I really love it. I have meet so many different people but also being more involved with the school has allowed me to understand myself better. It definitely is a nice distraction but going to college also made me think more about my future and what I want to do with my life and giving me a purpose to continue and live life.
I know you have a purpose and I wish you best in whatever you decide to do.
Best wishes.
I though my loneliness and fear of not having friends would go away when I went to college. But they haven’t. I am already in college I am just transferring to the one I just got accepted to. I did have hope for it to change because new place new person right? But no new place same shit everyday. It’s horrible. But I want to keep going for the only person who is in my life which is my girlfriend. I don’t want to leave her but I want to leave the bullshit that comes with being alive.
Know the feeling. You can write down everything they want to hear, yet inside you’re either empty, feeling alone, or some feeling of the sort. I’m trying for colleges too as well.
Email me if you need:
brl.cents@gmail.com
Listen to me very carefully. We don’t know each other but I need you to trust me on this.
When I was in high school, I was a miserable child and got into a great school in a place far away from my family and all their bullshit.
I was given 4 years to be in a place where I could find good friends, have fun, forget about all the shitty things about my past, and learn things to help me start a career after I graduate and to have an awesome future to look forward to.
And you know what I did instead? I cried and hated myself the whole time. Loving people tried to help me and I kept being a self-loathing shithead.
While everyone else was having the time of their life, I was being a fucking idiot. When I was in class, I couldn’t focus and learn anything. When I went out to a bar, I couldn’t have fun. When people tried to be a part of my life, I acted very shitty towards them.
After I graduated my bachelors, I was able to do my Masters near the same place where all my old friends were near me and where I could meet even more people.
And you know what happened? The same exact thing. For a year, I cried and hated myself while everyone else was loving their life.
I don’t know who you are, but if you have even the slightest amount of decency in your personality, please do what I’m telling you to do. Go to university, pay attention to class on the weekdays, and get drunk and high with friends on the weekend.
Just have fun and love it, because if you don’t, you will end up to be EXACTLY like me.
I am going to end my life this year. The only thing I want is to be 18 again so I can enjoy my university years and all the people who were there. I’ve reached a point where I don’t want anything anymore and you DO NOT want to be where I am. It is painful, embarrasing, humiliating.
I’m not saying that university itself is so important, but it’s these years in your youth.If you spend the next four years, or however long you take to graduate, being a miserable shit, it will break you.
Good luck to you.