You thought things couldn’t get worse?
…then today happened…
and the wheel turns, another spin, go around the corner, it begins again
Hi. I’m back. The day was the same like any other day. I feel hopeless and I still made bad decisions. I made everyone around me mad. haha. I never change, do I. I always make things worse. I want to die. Last night I confessed to a friend about what’s happening to me. Know what he said? he said everyone experienced what I’ve been experiencing now. He said I shouldn’t let everything affect me. That I should just be positive cause I’m not the only one who’s suffering in this world. I shouldn’t be selfish he said. haha. They are all the same. Always […]
Perhaps I’ve been suicidal since I was seven years old, which was ten years ago. I guess the bullying of my friends and peers were the start of it. I saw everyone having at least four friends as I played by myself, I was never the one that anyone thought was fun or cool. I was the freak with the buck teeth.
I was also diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome at that time. I often was in my imagination, being friends with imaginary friends until I was fourteen.
There was only one friend that I knew, and she went to a different school, but each summer, we would […]
Every 6 months I have a breakdown. Too much stress to handle. I have been six months free, but now something triggered me to cut.
I have a strong feeling my dad is cheating on my mom, and she feels the same way, even tho she doesnt tell me
My dad can’t even take his eyes off other women to talk to me. He is the reason why I am scared of weddings, and the reason why I can’t trust any guy I know.
I am feeling like the stress has been piling up for many months and the fact that my dad is an asshole just made […]
I guess I should start from the beginning. I am 17 almost 18 and have a brother who is 16 and a sister who is 20. My life sucks is complicated and somewhat confusing at times.
I was adopted when I was 4 by a family who we were all happy to be part of. I was adopted because my parents did drugs and were nearly always unconscious. We were malnourished and my sister was looking after us. So I guess the positive was we got a new family and well that’s where things were supposed to get better but in fact things somehow got worse.
My brother […]
I must never forget what I’m designed for at all times. Even though it will be very painful, I must never believe that I could ever form a significant bond with any of them. At every layer of my personality there is something there that they will disagree with or worse, despise. I may resort to omitting details or lies, but this will compound my suffering.
Like for real though, do you even want me to be happy? It sure doesn’t seem like it. All you are doing is making me worse. I hope you’re happy, you have made me miserable. It seems like nobody cares about anybody anymore, am I the only one that has noticed this? Nobody is nice anymore, someone can be really hurt, and some would notice it, and what would they do… nothing. I hate my life, and I really don’t even care about anything or anybody too much anymore.
This is just another one of my useless,and stupid posts.
Hi. So, I’m just posting not because I have anything important to say, I never really do, but just because I wanted to post, and for me, as well as like every other day of the weak and of my life, Monday’s are shit, too. You happy, sane people don’t relate to me on this and couldn’t care less what I have to say, and I don’t know why I’m here sometimes I just, like writing. So today sucked. Spoiler alert, it was another shitty day, none of my days seem to be any better than the rest, usually only worse. But some days I […]
My psychiatrist wanted to up my medication. I refused. So, instead of letting it go, my psychiatrist is giving me some time to think about it. I haven’t been taking it still, but my Mum’s getting my prescription tomorrow and making me restart it again.
I have just under 2 months to decided whether I want to up the dosage or not. Honestly, I can feel myself getting worse each day. My depression is getting bad again, and all I want to do is just give up.
The voices are getting too much, and I can’t tell anyone. There’s no point telling my family because they can’t […]
Hello. It has been sometime. I’ve been busy. I’ve actually felt not terrible. Not good, but not terrible. Yesterday I went to a beach clean up. A lot of people were there. Made me realize how difficult it is for me to be around other people. I hardly spoke, and could never look anyone in the eye. It’s pretty difficult. Lots of girls there. It was the beach so they wore skimpy tops and short shorts. Didn’t know what to do. Tried to stay as far as possible. When I was alone, it actually felt nice. Alone with my thoughts. It is actually starting to […]
what my math teacher wrote on my math test, which I got back today with about a 70%. a couple days ago I got a 52% on an english quiz I didn’t know we were having for the reading I forgot was assigned. he’s right, of course, because I usually pay attention pretty well no matter how wrecked my mental state is. he is right because I can do so much better. I have had straight A’s all year, but this term I’m just hoping against hope to pass. it’s not even that I am doing that much worse than I have been, it’s just that […]
I’m reaching out for help. But I can’t find any. Cutting gets worse than ever before. And this feeling of hopelessness and grief as well, my anger is out of control but my parents in contrast desperately to control every single thing in my life. I’m getting crazy here. I need to change my damn surrounding, buy there is no way I could…
It’s been a little over two years now since she left, I know I should be happy that she isn’t in pain anymore but when I think of her and everything we had I can’t help but cry.
Its been two years since my whole world was ruined by the girl who I had known for so many years, my best friend, my rock. I could have helped her, I could have answered her phone call but I just didn’t, I didn’t pick up the phone when I should have.
I’m so sorry I didn’t pick up, im so sorry I wasn’t able to help, oh why, […]
Another song I wrote a while back and decided to record (poorly). Basically a suicide note, a very mild one, in song form.
I don’t wanna bother you anymore
Because I know how much that hurts
I don’t wanna be there at your door
Making your life so much worse
But I can’t help that I exist
So I’ll move along this process
And I’m not the sappy type
So I’ll keep this letter short
It’s the last that I will write
But don’t think it’s your fault
I’ve got a better place to be
And you’ve got better people to see
I’m sorry it […]
My mum found out about my relapse today, and has been demanding since this afternoon for me to tell her why I did it. No matter how many times I told her talking about it with her makes me uncomfortable and I literally can’t tell her, she’s still insistent I do.
So I’ve wrote it out in bullet points for her in the morning – and just for the heck of it I referred to myself in third person. It’s not really helpful, but it’s all she’s getting. I had to come home early from college today. I told my mum I probably would because I […]
i’ve been having a very difficult time lately. i have a lot of health issues both mental and physical and they’re finally catching up to me. it’s been very difficult holding on, but even more so now than before because my family is now explicitly honest about how they feel about my condition.
my health issues have gotten to the point where i can’t work. i can’t function on my own anymore. i am a burden. i’ve been in the gray area of suicide since the age of nine and i’ve only been open about it in the last two years. it’s gotten worse. everything has gotten worse […]
My dad got the results back from the doctors today for the weird lump on his neck. We thought it was just a swollen gland but apparently its a cancerous tumor.
What is this.
How is this happening. Its not fair, he works so hard for the family its not fair.
why does this happen, why can’t things be ok for once
why are things getting worse? why does my family have to suffer?
So I’ve lost hope now. Years and years of therapy, waiting a shit load of money – sorry mum. I just feel like nothing is helping. I’m still cutting and going deeper and worse, I’m still suicidal and getting closer to death and my mind is going darker and darker, losing its contrast. I’m slowly giving up and all it’s doing is hurting my family.
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