Downhill

So…guess who’s back? Annabeth is. She left for a week or so, and I was the only person who cared enough about her to continue talking to her while she was gone, since everyone at school believed that she was gone for good. I thought so, too. But now she’s back, and that’s not necessarily a good thing. When I found out she would be returning to live nearby, I was overjoyed. I thought that maybe, just maybe, there would be a chance that she would finally talk to me in real life. That I would mean something to her. Maybe she could actually care about me and not only text me. Of course, I was mistaken. She didn’t change in the slightest. the minute she got back, she happily mingled with everyone she herself admitted were superficial friends. They didn’t text her. They didn’t ask her how she was doing, have long conversations, wish her good morning or good night. They just fucking pretend they care as soon as she shows up. she said that I’m the only person outside her family that cares about her. But obviously that means nothing, because she says a few words to me every day at school. I haven’t had a conversation with her since she got back, and hat was a week ago. She just fucking brushes me off or ignores me. I hate it so much. I do absolutely everything I can for her, and she takes me for granted. I don’t mean anything to her. However, on the bright side i’ve planned out my suicide perfectly. I have learned and practiced how to tie a hangman’s knot, I have a secluded location I can access easily, and all the materials. I want to hang myself so bad. But she continues to tell my half heartedly not to do it, not to do anything stupid. And stupid me, I can’t. Not until she lets go of me, which I guarantee will happen soon. I just want this pain to stop. I love her so much. More than anything. My heart figuratively and literally beats for her, and she couldn’t care less.