aw, remember to be kind to yourself. try some chocolate and drink it with some Broncos Fan tears, it’s mighty delicious and satisfying, plenty of it to go around too 🙂
I doubt it. Not just you; i doubt there is anyone who can. If you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself; if i can’t help myself “right,” it’s most likely that neither can anyone else… and i see no indication of anyone able to do so… and my circumstances make it impossible for me to help myself in the ways i actually need.
My previous comment was simply to relate to CDL’s statement… i interpreted “wish me luck” as indicative of being aware of the onerous, daunting requirement of having to handle it himself, as well as the intent to do exactly that. I said what i said, because i sort of feel that way too, despite our likely disparate circumstances and perspectives. So… same boat, different sea.
I then thought: “…when am i NOT having some sort of breakdown? When am i Not either shattering or sorting the shrapnel in a futile attempt to rebuild myself?” Which was yet another depressing train of thought. The things i can’t change, haven’t changed on their own. Nothing is getting better. Everything is getting worse… but lately, it’s deceptively gradual… and i think it’s building up, charging up a huge blast of shit to wreck what’s left of this life that is already too fucked up and not enough for me to do anything with. And all i can do is… “try not to think about it…” which i can’t even really do. When all that’s left is my mind, and all i can do to attempt to mitigate this is to “try not to think about it…” what’s the use in that? It doesn’t work, and if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t help. The only coping mechanism available to me, defeats the purpose of coping at all. Coping… not coping… i suffer immutable misery, either way. It’s becoming enough (again) to send me retreating, withdrawing into the depths of my own mind, as if mentally curling up into a ball and shutting out the world, while awaiting my inevitable end, which will be profoundly torturous, unless i “nip it in the bud,” and “head it off at the pass,” and make a “premature” exit.
But this isn’t my thread, and i didn’t want to hijack it, so i only said what i thought was relevant and appropriate, relative to what was expressed by the OP.
peoples who over come lot’s of problems doesn’t feel emotions. Bad emotions are the biggingng of facing problems. Which lead us to different kinda stages of overcoming it; depending on the type and size of the problem. This is how “adulthood” will be created. This is how you will learn to be self-satisfactory, start Appreciating life and take the challenge for granted.
Thank you guys, it’s good to know at least someone cares. I took a long bike ride and I was so exhausted I almost passed out at the top of the hill, but at least I didn’t do anything stupid.
I had a phone call with my mom today and I was so annoyed of her that I just hang up. They expect me to come home this weekend but I am not sure whether I can do that, I will see tomorrow how I am doing. Thanks again for all your replies.
12 comments
Whats going on Clair?
Is there anything I can help you with?
best of luck
aw, remember to be kind to yourself. try some chocolate and drink it with some Broncos Fan tears, it’s mighty delicious and satisfying, plenty of it to go around too 🙂
nah but seriously, I hope you feel better (hugs)
Clair, write more about this… May you find the strength you need to overcome this breakdown.
same boat, different sea.
How about you Clever, what going on?
Is there anything I can do to help you?
@koji:
“…what’s going on?”
same shit, different day.
“…anything i can do to help…?”
I doubt it. Not just you; i doubt there is anyone who can. If you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself; if i can’t help myself “right,” it’s most likely that neither can anyone else… and i see no indication of anyone able to do so… and my circumstances make it impossible for me to help myself in the ways i actually need.
My previous comment was simply to relate to CDL’s statement… i interpreted “wish me luck” as indicative of being aware of the onerous, daunting requirement of having to handle it himself, as well as the intent to do exactly that. I said what i said, because i sort of feel that way too, despite our likely disparate circumstances and perspectives. So… same boat, different sea.
I then thought: “…when am i NOT having some sort of breakdown? When am i Not either shattering or sorting the shrapnel in a futile attempt to rebuild myself?” Which was yet another depressing train of thought. The things i can’t change, haven’t changed on their own. Nothing is getting better. Everything is getting worse… but lately, it’s deceptively gradual… and i think it’s building up, charging up a huge blast of shit to wreck what’s left of this life that is already too fucked up and not enough for me to do anything with. And all i can do is… “try not to think about it…” which i can’t even really do. When all that’s left is my mind, and all i can do to attempt to mitigate this is to “try not to think about it…” what’s the use in that? It doesn’t work, and if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t help. The only coping mechanism available to me, defeats the purpose of coping at all. Coping… not coping… i suffer immutable misery, either way. It’s becoming enough (again) to send me retreating, withdrawing into the depths of my own mind, as if mentally curling up into a ball and shutting out the world, while awaiting my inevitable end, which will be profoundly torturous, unless i “nip it in the bud,” and “head it off at the pass,” and make a “premature” exit.
But this isn’t my thread, and i didn’t want to hijack it, so i only said what i thought was relevant and appropriate, relative to what was expressed by the OP.
So yeah… good luck CDL.
peoples who over come lot’s of problems doesn’t feel emotions. Bad emotions are the biggingng of facing problems. Which lead us to different kinda stages of overcoming it; depending on the type and size of the problem. This is how “adulthood” will be created. This is how you will learn to be self-satisfactory, start Appreciating life and take the challenge for granted.
I understand if you want something done you have to do it yourself.
What has driven you to this point in life?
What do you want in life?
Besides death. ( well technically thats impossible since death is outside the realm of living.)
I feel the exact same way Clevername. But you have much better grammar.
Good luck with whatever you are going through…
Thank you guys, it’s good to know at least someone cares. I took a long bike ride and I was so exhausted I almost passed out at the top of the hill, but at least I didn’t do anything stupid.
I had a phone call with my mom today and I was so annoyed of her that I just hang up. They expect me to come home this weekend but I am not sure whether I can do that, I will see tomorrow how I am doing. Thanks again for all your replies.