I try to keep my mind off of the suicidal demons trying to consume me. It’s a bit hard when nothing is going good.
I’ve not been myself lately. I don’t even know who I am anymore, as cliché as that sounds.
I plan on moving out to Florida after high school. My friend has a condo in Orlando, I’d move anywhere to get out of this shithole city.
You know, no matter how shitty and depressed I feel, I always put others before me. I wish more people would do the same, some are incredibly selfish, it’s disgusting.
I find it hard to see myself in the future. I have nothing going for me. No money for college. No idea what kind of job I want. No guidance.
Today my friend told me that a few nights ago, I saved him from killing himself. I had absolutely no idea. I saw him riding around on his bike near midnight and I told him to go home. Little did I know he was about to go lay his head on some railroad tracks near my house. He said he’s been having a really rough time the past few months. I wanted to cry, he seems so happy. I guess that goes to show how easily depression can be hidden. I’m glad he didn’t kill himself.
Sorry for the rambling. I needed to get some thoughts out there.
4 comments
It’s true, life doesn’t get better. It only gets worst. I’ve been depressed since I was 14, now I’m a pathetic 25 year old hikkikomori (adolescents or adults who withdraw from social life, often seeking extreme degrees of isolation and confinement) high school dropout with no job, no friends, no family, and no social activity. At least you have friends. Coming from a guy with experience, your life can get much worse. Sorry for the pessimism.
No worries. & I believe you.
no means to be offensive, but how hard have you tried to make your life better, or someone else’s? just a thought but maybe you should try, I tried and I’m on a rollercoaster that only goes up, my friend.
I am trying my hardest to put myself back together after all the emotional pain I’ve been through. I put my family and friends’ feelings before my own & help them before I help myself. But I do help myself. It’s not very easy. I’ve been struggling with this for 6 years.