I start most weekends with drinking a bottle of wine, then I have another one and then another. I take a few Xanax and a Vicodin or two. Next thing I know its Monday morning and time to go to work again. When I don’t do that I do meth so I can forget about my life. Yet every Monday I get cleaned up and go back to my job that pays me 300k a year. Three of my friends have killed themselves. I have tried at least twice. Now days I rather dull things with liquor and Xanax or meth. So I can get up and make it to work Monday to Friday. I promised myself I wouldn’t be like them. I wouldn’t give up. I wouldn’t leave it to my friends to pick up my remains and bury my life. Yet sometimes I wonder, perhaps this is the weekend to do it. I came close once, but I ended up at the airport and on the first international flight out the country. After 17 hours in first class I arrived in India. What a fucked up place that is. After watching people step over dying kids in the street I realized that for what ever its worth I will wake up every fucking Monday morning and go to work. I donate to charities, I donate to people I know that are in need and in trouble. I stumble through this fucked up life alone and lonely, knowing Im just one fuck up away from the end. How fucked up is that?
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
5 comments
Tops your life cant out do mine,on the other hand its kool though I guess that would be on a good day, Mine is more just like a “aww” but your the dog,but why are you sad though
I really enjoyed this story. Youre a great person for even trying to help others.
I’m gay, and never got over my first love. As part of healing I put my complete trust in my best friend, we were inseparable. A day after getting back for a camping trip he committed suicide. Two years later my next best friend did the same thing. So I started drinking a lot, a started experimenting with drugs. I don’t respect myself anymore and I can’t find a way to trust someone in a relationship again. I would love to fall in love again but that’s highly unlikely. I travel the world in first class and five star hotels, I don’t think about a budget because well I’ve never really spent more than what’s in my bank account. As part of being gay I became hiv + and feel toxic to people around me. I feel privileged to have the economic opportunities that I do. But I don’t think I will never love again, i will never raise a child, and I wonder what value I am to this crazy world. So I try to help where I can and stay drunk or sedated the rest of the time because I dont see anything worthwhile in my future but at the same time I don’t want to burden society with my problems. I guess I’m lost, I’m sad, and indifferent. I don’t want to date again, and I can never trust a best friend again. So I travel, I’m going to Istanbul just to check it out, then later in the year I’m going on safari in Africa. Perhaps there I will find some solstice.
Do you think Magic Johnson ever was HIV+ or was it just a hoax to stop unprotected sex in the inner city?
The risk of becoming positive from unprotected sex doesn’t seem to carry the same concern it used to. You take antivirals and you live on. At least that’s what people think. It costs $3000 a month to keep me alive the side effects suck. If it was a hoax fuck him because that’s not the way to eliminate hiv. I wake up some days with so many panic attacks caused by the antiviral that I throw up all day. Xanax has become my friend, though don’t try ending it all with Xanax cussed its a fucked up drug. You will spend three days awake thinking someone is trying to kill, you. The fucked up part is why don’t you let them kill you? That’s what you want right? me I ran 20 miles in shorts and a shirt cashed out $15000 from my bank in $100 notes cause I knew the FBI would start
tracking me with that amount of cash withdrawal. I ran another 20 miles, fell asleep then woke up fine. Try telling your 11yo nephew what happened especially when he adores you. I still dint know what happened to the $15,000 but I suspect the FBI follows my life now.