Just wondering what do you guys think of corporal punishment? When would you say that disciplining a child constitutes abuse?
I don’t think I can say that I was ever beaten as a child, but I was certainly slapped. A lot. The hardest I’ve ever been hit out of discipline left a red mark which lasted about 6 hours and then disappeared.. which isn’t bad at all. Personally I think the main issue for me was the emotional distress it caused rather than the physical pain. However I also think the “discipline” I received was a bit in excess.. like how many times would you slap a child for one very minor wrong doing?
When I was a kid, I got slapped a lot.. a bit more than half for pretty much nothing I believe – and if I listed examples I don’t think anyone could argue unless they were absolutely absurd and illogical. After a while, I was fast enough to run into the next room and eventually became well versed enough to anticipate and dodge being hit. However as you can imagine, this made the slapper even more enraged – hence more slaps and with more intention to hurt once I was within reach. I’d be hit until I was well into the crying stage and then hit until I stopped. Maybe it was for the best and ensured that I didn’t turn out to be too much of a brat.
But I don’t know.. did it do me more good than bad?
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I got tortured by a sociopath. As punishment or because my mom’s husband was bored. I have no issue with some of the “abusive” punishments(I live in california right now, and there was recently a woman who almost lost her kids because she spanked her son in public after her started throwing cans at people in the grocery store). Personally, I hope to never have to lay a hand on any kids that I end up having. Nothing against the parents that do spank their kids, I just know that abused kids typically go on to abuse their kids and I’d rather not risk it. I plan on withholding “the carrot” or having “the stick” be running/pushups/tutoring siblings, the type of thing the kid wouldn’t particularly enjoy, but is productive instead of just physically painful.
There are many ways to abuse someone other than physical abuse. At the end of the day, physical pain doesn’t last forever (in most cases).. but you’re still left with a mess. Corporal punishment is illegal where I live.. but it’s not really enforced. Like it can be reported, but it’s still viewed as something too minor to be taken to court for or even charged for. Child abuse rates here used to be one of the worst in the world (and may still be I think).. but I don’t it’s really taken seriously.. even those who die directly as a result of their parents misgivings are simply brushed off by the majority.
i tend to think that the excessive slapping of children is unacceptable.
Then again, i’m like a geyser of unpopular and/or unconventional and/or unorthodox opinions.
Sometimes, i might attribute the slappings to “they were raised that way,” but other times… i think maybe some people just enjoy slapping the piss out of children who simply cannot retaliate effectively.
I can confirm that some people do enjoy slapping children – got a parent who will slap me just for walking past them because they think it’s “fun”. But I think that for most people they usually do it to make sure they’re in control either because their kids don’t respect them enough (perhaps they are a bad excuse for a good role model?) or perhaps because they haven’t been able to obtain good relations. Like those parents who walk their crying and resisting children on leashes like dogs. It’s kind of pathetic on the parent’s part. And those who do things just for control are quite often people who like to assert the “I’m always right and you’re always wrong” idea on people they feel superior to.
I am absolutely against the idea of corporeal punishment as it results in the degeneration of a person’s ability to respond to positive reinforcement and the inability to express themselves outside of negative punishment. It also breeds self blame and the lesson is bred out of fear rather than understanding of their wrong doing.
Corporeal punishment was a common method of enforcing rules in my household when I was younger as well, it definitely wasn’t the pain as you mentioned but rather the betrayal and fear I felt to be hurt by someone I trusted and who said they cared about me. It’s just a little fucking kid, they aren’t self aware nor able to use proper reasoning skills, they respond inappropriately to circumstances and their feelings, why abuse them for that? Older children are similar. Children are like animals, they need care, calm, collective nurturing and forgiving guidance, they don’t know any better. Corporeal punishment strikes such a nerve with me.
I think somewhere along the lines society created a twisted view on what corporal punishment was suppose to be, yes the idea of beating the shit out of someone to teach a lesson is disgusting to say the least. but honestly, let use an example: if a child goes into the cookie jar without permission, or knowingly doing doing wrong will telling them they are bad suffice?i think not. but a simple smack on the hand should get the message across that there are negative reactions to all misdeeds. now for those that are extremists and take it far beyond the limit they are in the wrong. but really the question here should be what is you think of when you hear the words corporal punishment. this leads back to an age old argument: everything is subjective.
Ah, but what if the child becomes immune to the slap on the hand? If they don’t associate it with pain anymore, is it still effective? I don’t think so. But what then? Should the parent slap harder next time..? I don’t know, I guess trying to reason with a child can just be ineffective.. but if they’re smart enough maybe you’d be able to just talk kids out of things you don’t want them to do (within reason of course).
Similarly I find the correctional prison systems disdainful. Locking criminals up and exposing them to violence and degradation does nothing to reform their character and effectively rehabilitate them from the issues that abetted their behavior. When released from prison many former inmates return to jail, I can’t recall the exact statistic off the top of my head, but I’m aware of the prevalence of it. The existence of jail is to punish criminals for their transgressions, surely teaching them the error of their ways would kill 2 birds with one stone by discouraging the perpetuation of their criminal mindsets? Corporeal punishment or any type of punishment that solely relies on fear and psychological/emotional pain infliction is a terrible method of discipline and teaching someone/thing a lesson. It’s primitive and outdated and should be discarded at this point in modern time.
I think I was reading a recent article somewhere which encouraged parents to use corporal punishment on their children below a certain age because studies show that it results in kids doing better in school. The way they talked about it was quite strange though.. it was quite biased and made it seem that doing well in school outweighed the negative emotional effects it may have on a child.
@LA
lol a kid going into a cookie jar is such a significant transgression that violating the kid (no matter what the degree) is a suitable method of teaching him a lesson? A scolding wouldn’t be sufficient, you have to hit them? (the act is a representation to a kid of your aggression and breach of trust, the significance of the hit does not matter)
“When would you say that disciplining a child constitutes abuse?”
My answer is ALWAYS. To me there’s no excuse to exert physical power over a child, never, period.
Anyone who is desperate enough to resort to that should get help – for him/herself, and for the child.
I think you read to much into it Russo, or you personalize it to much. more times than not the child learns there lesson and goes on about there life as normal. now im talking from personal experience where I did grow up into a violent home. and I mean violent. a simple slap on a child’s hand is not going to push them into living a loner/ mistrustful/ or suicidal life. Scolding doesn’t always work. especially when a child reaches the rebellious stage. if a child goes through life without repercussions for there actions they will turn out much worse later in life. ~ ShatteredGlass
I would say I grew up in a violent sort of home – although perhaps not in the same sense as yours. Some kids are really sensitive and can’t handle very gently scoldings.. but yeah, being scolded isn’t enough for some. However I imagine if a child has gone beyond your reach, he/she is probably is old enough to make his/her own decisions and mistakes – and probably just needs you to be there to tell them it’s “okay” when they feel like everything has gone wrong to help them get back on their feet. Just my opinion though.
Corporal punishment – hell, any kind of judicial, bureaucratic punishment (gets counted against you and follows you around like the plague) breeds criminals, and keeps them criminal. It’s almost like the whole justice system we have in the US was designed that way intentionally.
Starts early; just people spanking their kids. Then the kids start acting out, get more spankings, and pretty soon it degenerates into downright abuse, the cops get involved, the kid gets put in foster care with a creepy, sexually abusive asshat, and pretty soon, you’ve got career criminals popping out of the woodwork. Doesn’t always work that way, but it’s definitely a scenario I’ve seen more than once in my life.