wow… i failed once again and im back in the hospital…i dont remember how i got here. All i remember was taking a bottle of pills and then trying to drown myself… then i wake up in the hospital. I remember hearing screaming but then i blacked out again. Next time i need to make sure that door will STAY CLOSED. I wish they had never found me. I wish i was dead. I dont want to be here anymore. Im sick of getting teased all the time. Im sick of guys using me. Im done with them fucking with my feelings. I WANT TO BE DEAD!! I cant handle this anymore. I constantly fight with everyone around me. My grades are starting to slip in school and im starting to not give a shit about anything. I honestly dont know what to do anymore. Advice isnt helping at all. Nothing is working. If my parents send me away it will only make things worse. Ill find a way to try and kill myself again. Life sucks so much for me right now and im ready to just throw in the towel and give up.
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Welcome back suicidal chick, everybody thought you ended it yesterday!
I tried to..
I don’t want the pain anymore as well. Welcome back to the asylum though. I guess we can suffer together and I dont even know your real name. Wonderful isn’t it? lol this sucks please I want out.
Three key words “nothing is working”. Yep. For me too.
Kayla. My names Kayla.
Do you still have sense of reality Kayla? I am complely lost in my own mind. The thing I don’t understand about pain is I cant accept it. I just wish it would go away, Maybe it will? I have no Idea.
Welcome back, Kayla… glad you’re still here.
Glad you’re still with us, Kayla. I had thought that your post yesterday was the end.
I understand the pain of depression, been there. I’ve moved on to the nonchalant/extremely bored phase and I can’t take it much longer.
You have courage. I pray you find strength to go at least one more day.
Kayla… I’m honestly glad you’re here… what you’ve written has helped me realize I’m not alone… thank you for being you.
Hi Kayla,
apparently your name is Hebrew for “empowerment”, the meaning of my name is also Hebrew for “God is gracious”. I know, both ironic and irrelevant… Your pain and despair I’ve been through it also, so I am in no position to give you advice (nor do I intend to), fucked up people trying to help one another is history repeating itself. I just want you to know that EVERYTHJING YOU are feeling is valid, if the pain your feeling outweighs your will to live then I support your endeavour what ever that maybe. But before you end it try and see the beauty of this world before leaving. I was teased and bullied at a very young age, I learnt to stick up for myself in the worst possible way. So when I saw my cousin get picked on by the same girls I literally went crazy grabbed a glass bottle and went in swinging. It has haunted me till this day, being out numbered, plotting my revenge. My cousin the sweet timid girl tried to take her own life, as did I. As you can see even though our personalities and our approach to these bullies were on opposite ends of the spectrum we both became depressed.
Completely off tangent again.
I suppose I never really got over the pain of that bullying experience until I accepted that it was something that had happened to me. Your probably thinking “why the f*k are you on here then?” My suicidal tendencies are from some other messed up shit that happened after that I couldn’t accept. When I say “couldn’t accept” I really mean ignored and suppressed.
Those guys that used you? Trust me, when and if you get older you will look at them and wonder what dick-heads they truly are (I look back and regret THAT suicidal attempt).
I wish I could have told this girl here
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2582395/Did-hundreds-people-ignore-girls-cry-help-Chinese-woman-appears-post-suicide-Instagram.html
If you do decide to kill yourself make sure you know for sure its for the right reasons, feel in your heart that you know its your time and truly set your spirit free from this fucked up world.
Do you smoke weed? It honestly helps a lot with my depression / suicidal urges.
Welcome back Kayla, although I guess this really isn’t something you were hoping to be welcomed back to. See, Bipolar American? It wasn’t so ghoulish after all. Not really. Kayla, I don’t know why you let those people get to you so much, cause they’re dead wrong. I wish you could realize that. Your grades are slipping? Meh, I’m a dropout and I don’t worry about it too much. College is still possible through the GED. So don’t feel like your life is ruined if you give up on high school. It’s not.
Oh, and those guys “fucking with your feelings”? Fuckin idiots…just sayin.