Help me

someone help me out. i feel so mad and depressed all the time.  my mom Gets into these fits of rage and when she is mad , I’m her main target.  My brothers and sisters never get into trouble, And they’d probably kill me if they had to. The last time they hot into a fight with me , after that i sat in the corner with my grandma’s old doll.😓😓I probably must sound like a  baby, but its feels really depressing to me and Im to the point of cutting and/or  killing myself . It’s like nothing is happy or fun anymore, if I make one tiny mistake, I  get  as she calls it; her wrath. I’m depressed and I hate myself even when I was younger I was just about to run away. i have parts in my notebook about how much it hurts and how I hate myself, the only thing keeping me going is my baby brother, Josiah. He truly is the light of my life! is there anyone that can really help me and love me? i feel pointless, should i be here? please someone help me!