I want to die.

Around last year, 7th grade, I started feeling depressed for no reason. I was crying every day and getting suicidal thoughts. My mother got me tested and we found out I have depression. I have switched medicines I think 3 times now. Lately I have stopped taking my medicine and I have been feeling better, but tonight I fell asleep or something and woke up with my internet pulled up with “can I overdose on celexa” in the search bar. I started crying. I still haven’t stopped. I thought about it and I’m actually thinking about what it would be like if I did kill myself. No one would care. My boyfriend is just using me, my friends are all mad at me. My father has been gone for a while, and my mother is an alcoholic ***** who doesn’t care about us. I also feel like cutting again. What do I do? I can’t tell my mom I’ve stopped taking the meds, nor can I tell my doctor.