All i really want to do now is go to sleep forever. IV always been useless and ugly. I am never going to get anywhere in life so what is the point in living. The only reason i am still alive is because my death would upset a few people to much. Iv let my mum down who brought me up all by herself and wasted her life to try and give me the best she could. People tell me im a lovely person but that doesn’t matter. Just want to be normal and not ugly and to have a tiny bit of success in my life. I only leave the house now to go to work and even that is daunting because i can’t look at other happy successful attractive people because this makes me jealous. Â I have so much debt i am never going to be able to pay back because im to rubbish to get a better job. Its just not fair at all even though this is all my own fault. Il never know what its like to be loved by somebody im never going to have a boyfriend. Im boring and dim and i never know what to say to impress people. I cut myself and regret it but its the only way i can punish myself really.
17 comments
If I may ask, why do you find yourself ugly? Do you consider yourself a failure because of the job you are in? and the debt?
Your mother and those other few people love you and it will break their hearts if you’d go.
Beauty standards are quite unreachable for most people. Never forget, even models don’t look like themselves in magazines. Make-up and photoshop does wonders.
Sometimes it takes a (long) while until life gets better but with experience and studies, you can always try to get a better job in the future and pay up all your debts.
And remember, you don’t need to impress people unless you’re in a job interview or some kind of business meeting.
Don’t let your existence be on someone else’s standars of what success is.
I’m sorry to hear that you feel this way about yourself. But I can relate to what you are saying, Ive been there myself. Its hard to give, and to recieve advice to and from someone you dont know, but I want to tell you that you are not useless, nor ugly. If people tell you that you are a lovely person, thats because YOU ARE 🙂 Dont give up just because you havent found happiness yet. Happiness is for everybody, you just have to accept who you are before you truly can fint it.
I spent years in a deep depression, I cut myself and I failed at school several times. I never thought I could do anything, and I tried killing myself three times, failed that aswell. I felt so useless, so worthless, and I dont know what turned it for me, but one day i decided to do something, to go search for joy in my life. I started with the people close to me, the ones that would have died if i died, and i started to feel their love for me. When i first felt loved it was surprisingly easy to find love in others, and eventually i started loving myself. Its two years since i last posted something in here, even two years since i visited this site. Hopefully this will also be your last time in here for a while <3
Im sorry, I know how it feels to want to never wake up again, I actually pray every night that God has the mercy to take my life when I sleep, but unfortunately he didnt think it was necessary yet. Theres little which I could tell you to make you feel better other than: Youre not alone. At least not here. Talking about problems and venting really helps, even if it doesnt tackle the problem itself.
o am ugly because nobody will have me. everybody just sees me as “cute” iv had so many chances to do well in life and wasted them. I am not good enough to get a better job or a promotion. people dont take me seriously. This is the first time iv posted on here and it is because my friends are getting fed up of me been sad and they just dont understand
i am ugly because nobody will have me. everybody just sees me as “cute” iv had so many chances to do well in life and wasted them. I am not good enough to get a better job or a promotion. people dont take me seriously. This is the first time iv posted on here and it is because my friends are getting fed up of me been sad and they just dont understand
Why do you see cute as a bad thing? You know, I’ve always preferred “cute” over “hot”. I suppose it’s because I’d rather have someone to hold and talk to than someone to have crazy sex with. Yep, I’m lame, haha.
@TheRiver: “Yep, I’m lame, haha.”
No… You’re definitely not. I agree with your comment… and I’m sure man others, silent or not, agree as well.
Thanks, distant.road. And yeah, I’ve met a few who agree. Idk, I guess we’re just hopeless romantics.
Joey, I’ve traveled a little bit down your road. I’ve felt the longing for what others have. I’ve felt the emptiness inside, the sense of worthlessness. I’ve felt like no matter what I was never going to belong to anything of importance. I am what I call a sleeper. I drown my depression by sleeping. I stay in bed and when it gets to be too much, I cut myself.
It’s been quite a few years since I’ve gotten that deep in my hole. In fact it has been around 16 years. I realized one day that this life isn’t about who cares for me. I realized this laying in the rain and mud on the side of the road. I decided that if this world hates me, if I don’t belong, then why would I end it for the world’s sake? What has the world given to me? Nothing. And it will never give me anything.
A friend of mine had told me that life was a journey. The whole point of it has nothing to do with where you end up. The point of the journey is the journey itself.
If you just want to talk let me know.
@theriver:
“Why not both?”
I’m THAT guy. But maybe not for you, idk. And apparently not for anyone else… so i tend to remain skeptical that anyone actually wants “that guy.” I think they like the idea of that guy, but not the reality of it. Or, they think they “would know when they find it,” but they always manage not to see that in me. Or they see it in me, and think “ew, no.”
I think different people define “cute” differently, and it’s definitely not always a bad thing… and it’s perplexing to think of how it ever came to represent anything not-good, but i have seen people mean it in a less than appealing way, so i know it happens.
Both is good, absolutely, clevername. I was just basically trying to say that if I had to pick one or the other, I’d pick the former, and that I’d prefer a real relationship rather than one based on sex. To me, there’s a difference between beautiful and sexy, although they can certainly coincide. I’m not saying sex isn’t something I want in a relationship…leave that to lorax, haha. I’m just saying that for me personally, it’s honestly not that important.
It was just a clumsy attempt at explaining my little cute-over-hot complex. Idk how to explain it, really. I have a weird approach to attraction…it causes me problems. I’m kind of particular, even though I have no place to be. Not about looks really, more about personalty.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with “that guy”, because he’s just that – a guy. You can’t deny your nature.
sometimes cute is hot. ^^
I dislike the insinuation that a relationship involving frequent and varied intercourse, must always be labeled as “based on sex.”
I would agree, however, that it’s preferable to have someone with whom you are also non-sexually compatible. What will you do when you’re both too tired or too whatever-else?
I tend to think if it’s not “all of the above,” then someone will inevitably get bored or decide they want something else.
I also think that were i not so tragically and extensively deprived, it would not be such an important issue.
I’m both very picky and very accepting of “flaws.” It’s also almost (if not entirely) impossible for me to find anyone who is non-sexually compatible… that’s even more difficult than the other part.
Plus, as i’ve often repeated: any girl smart enough for me, is going to be smart enough to know she can find “better.” At this point, i’d need to own a home, just to be considered eligible for competition… but in my current condition, i still wouldn’t have a chance to compete.
As it turns out, most girls who are looking for “a someone,” tend to not want someone like me; i’m just not built or wired that way, i guess… even though i’ve never been averse or opposed to the idea of commitment, and i’m not the prototypical “jerk” that “most women” seem to gravitate toward.
And you’re absolutely right: i won’t deny my nature, whether i “can” or not. It’s all part of accepting myself, appreciating what i am, as i am, and making the best and most of it. With the right opportunities, i could make much more and better than i’ve been allowed, and that is mostly (if not entirely) due to shallow and superficial prejudices, as well as extravagantly excessive expectations.
“I’m just another scrub in a world full of so-called Divas…” (implication: i’m better than a scrub, and most of those so-called divas exaggerate their own value…)
– I dislike the insinuation that a relationship involving frequent and varied intercourse, must always be labeled as “based on sex.â€
I knew you would say something like this, haha. That’s not what I’m trying to say. A healthy dose of sex is very…well, healthy. I just wouldn’t want that to be the backbone of the relationship.
– I’m both very picky and very accepting of “flaws.†It’s also almost (if not entirely) impossible for me to find anyone who is non-sexually compatible… that’s even more difficult than the other part.
This. 100% agreed.
– Plus, as i’ve often repeated: any girl smart enough for me, is going to be smart enough to know she can find “better.â€
This too.
Yep, that’s what we all have to do. Try and use the hands we were dealt to the best of our ability. Luck of the draw. But if you play the cards right, you can walk away with at least something in your pockets. Unless you were just dealt a really bad hand, in which case you are pretty much, as they say, “shit outta luck”.
Heh. Most of the time, i feel as though my only chance is to go all in and pull off an epic bluff. But it’s like everyone figures i got a bad hand, and is always calling my bluffs… which leaves me with the only way to not lose is to not play.
As Kenny Rogers said: “know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em… know when to walk away… know when to run…”
Which is hilariously ironic, since i’ve never been much of a gambler. I always saw gambling as a good way to waste money, with a prohibitively small chance of any worthwhile results.
Some people are just amazing at bluffing. I tend to envy them, even like them, even while realizing they’re almost always “full of shit.”
Sometimes the only viable move it to not move at all.
I’m not a gambler either, so I’m not sure why we’re bustin’ out all these card game analogies.
But in the game of real life you pretty much have to be a gambler. It’s just about the only way to play.
is*… you’re not the only one plagued by typos tonight, clevername.
“Sometimes the only viable move is to not move at all.”
Kinda like that Jedi thing i commented earlier. The trouble with that angle is that many people criticize inaction, often regardless of the known consequences for the wrong action. “If the right choice is not available, do nothing.”
the poker analogies are apt. It’s not the first time they’ve occurred to me (which is partly why that response came out the way it did).
I don’t like to take absurd risks. I like calculated risks that might actually result in gains. I’d rather make incremental advancements by playing safe and smart, instead of risk losing it all on a bad move. Just the way i am, i guess. Maybe i’ve seen too many lose too much for too little reason, and didn’t want my life to be like that.
But then other stuff happened and pretty much negated my approach.
Now i feel like i’m too far behind for incremental gains… but i still don’t want to lose it all (all my nothings!) over risks that have little to no chance to pay off. The pressure of this position is ridiculous.