Well today is my birthday. The only reason im putting it out there is that I really didnt think I would make it to 40. Now im here im happy about it. Im proud of myself for not giving in to the destruction of addiction and keeping on trying to stop using no matter how many relapses I have. Im glad that I haven’t comitted suicide. The thoughts of ending have abated and I have found some things to live for. Im glad for new people in my life, no matter where they are. (Oops I think im writing a gratitude list). Thank u to […]
Tag:
only reason
I’ve been lying to everyone about how good im doing in school and that ill be graduating in two weeks and have all these great plans for the future and that me and my bf are happy and i have jobs lined up and everything they expect to here.
But im not doing well in school at all. Im failing four classes so i wont be graduating. Im not going back to school and i have no jobs lined up, havent even looked into it. Ill be moving in a month but i have no house situation prepared. And i dont think me and […]
I should be redesigning my website so i can get an entry level job in the field. I should be redesignimg and adding to the couple of clients’ site I’ve had. Im procrastinating out of fear. Well that and food anxiety im juice fasting today save for the banana i had while writing this post. I dont want to screw it up. Stupid i know logically something is better than nothing. I have a voice that tells me I can’t do it. Sometimes i can ignore that voice other times i can’t. There’s another voice telling me that I should kill myself. Honestly the only […]
I finally joined after a few days of reading what people have written, which isn’t much different from what I want to say. I have had thoughts of suicide, I’ve actually been very close to committing suicide, I stopped myself from that one time, I held a knife that was digging into my neck. The only reason why i stopped was because of the effects on my family. I think of suicide everyday now, it’s becoming worse. Now i cut my wrists. I sit in my room alone and I cut myself, every cut I would make I would have tears in my eyes, and […]
So i ended up in the hospital in January got out in February and im no longer suicidal unfortunately the only reason that is because of fear fear if i fail at an attempt ill get sent back and if i fail there’s a new worry my mother told me as well that if i end up in the hospital for more than a month then they’ll kick me off my ssdi that means ill have no medical insurance either and as much as I want to die i don’t want to risk failing and losing my medical insurance i need to get it right […]
It’s so hard on me. It really is. I don’t even know how to feel. It’s like everything is a lie.
The guy I mentioned on my last post has been the cause of my problems. It’s all because I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.
Monday night I was feeling so down about my mom and him and just everything (Tuesday was my mom’s death anniversary) and so I texted him. I said “My mom died 7 years ago. You would understand right?”
His reply?
His exact words were “Ugh I’m sorry I’m not trying to be mean but can you please stop texting me”.
The only […]
I can’t put the knife down.
I need a reason to live. Someone give me a reason to live!!
I love my mother. I love her so much, I don’t ever want to hurt her. My family is the only reason keeping me alive. But right now, I don’t really care about that. I’m too blinded by the pain, I just can’t take it anymore. I want to die so bad.
Cutting has gone this far. The pain doesn’t want to go away anymore. My heart is so heavy.
Im a mother of three. I wish that was enough to keep all the sadness and thoughts to end it away but it doesn’t. I actually feel they would be better off! I love them so much but I have no desire to continue. They r the only reason im still here though! I would miss them tremendously.
My friend came to visit; I invited him because I was so depressed and lonely. But now I don’t know if I can handle it. He tells me that “there’s so much more in life that’s beautiful” or other bullshit that I really am tired of hearing.
It’s not that I can’t get over my ex, at least enough to function- I’ve had about a decade of practice of being functional (at least the minimum) while being incredibly depressed. I think that’s one of the reasons my ex said that I was strong. Recently, she said she was the weak one in the relationship when I […]
This is my first actual post on this site so i don’t wanna make it super long. I don’t even know where to start to be honest. Okay, day after day i realize how much i’m not. i barely even go outside anymore sorry i mean i never go outside anymore only when i need too i guess because i feel like there’s no reason for me to even be out there only when i feel like walking my dogs, i usually go out btw i’m 18 i know i shoudn’t feel like this.
I have really bad social anxiety and a bunch of other stuff. […]
My life is in complete shambles, some off it is my own fault but not all. the only reason stopping me is the pain id cause my mother. Im 37 and when i look back 20 years ago i had way more going for me then i do now. so to me it feels like all i have to show for 2 decades is emotional pain, disappointments and and battle scars. How much further backwards doi want to go? It feels like tunneling through the earth with a plastic spork would be easier then climbing out of this whole. But i have atleast decided to […]
okay I live in london and obvs I’m not gonna say where but um lately every time I take the train, I have the biggest feeling to just jump and end it all. I have been like this for ages and this feeling is getting stronger but I think the only thing that is stopping me is the fact that if I jump there will be a huge delay in the trains and I don’t want to disturb other people and their journeys. But even then, I’m too scared to do it myself and I need a push. I have decided that my death HAVE […]
I just want this nightmare to end. I want to wake up and find none of this really ever happened. The love of my life, my reason for living has found someone else. He’s still here with me in body, but not entirely here. I know it’s still going on and I want to die so badly. The only reason that I’ve not done it yet is because I hope one of these days he’ll see, that he’ll open his eyes and see that it was all just a big mistake. But I’ve not many days left, I just hope it happens soon.
I have been struggling with depression and had 1 fail attempt of committing suicide the only reason why I am still here posting my story of my dog. I was always lonely and was extremely anti-social but having a creature not human comfort you is truly amazing. It’s been 2 month since the suicide attempt and still struggling to get trough a single day of school and living at home in a family that doesn’t understand you. Thank you for reading.
You think it’s just physical
The cookie cutter arms
The chopping board thighs
But there is a battle
A battle beyond the realm of chemistry
Beyond the realm of physical sight
It’s invisible but tangible as you cringe away from the presence
From the presence of this spiritual battlefield under wraps
Felt but not seen
Experienced yet never fully understood
Ever present, ever active
The spiritual warfare waging in our midst
Cookie cutter arms
Chopping board thighs
You keep your distance and avert your eyes
Yet you don’t know why
There is a battle waging
Beyond the corner of your eyes
But there is only reason to […]
I have been ready to “check out” if you will for the last fourteen years of my life. I feel that I have so much to say but have lost the desire to speak. The only reason that I am still here is because I can’t muster the strength to try again due to the fear of not being successful. I wish there were a way to put my worries at ease although I know that is an impossible need to fulfill.
I have a bad habit of not taking my meds. Only two of them are important, one stops the seizures and the other helps me from attempting at my life. Even when i’m on my meds i still wish to die but off of them,hell i can only say it’s hard to resist killing myself. My boyfriend would be completely ruined and so would my family. That’s the only reason to be honest, i except the thought of death. I’ve been told that i’m selfish and complain a lot but if people knew the crippling pain i was in they would shut the fuck up. […]
Been suffering from asebergers, PTSD, BPD, severe social anxiety and extreme guilt for ages….. my gulit, combined wiith asebergers just made it so i’m broken socially, which furthers the degree of my BPD and loneliness pretty much by the day. my BPD overlaps with asebergers and i just lose it over little things… and everybody thinks i’m insane. i can’t even go outside and walk around because i’m afraid of what people will think. even my own family thinks i’m crazy!!! my mom has locked me up so many times over the littlest shit… and the funny thing is that pretty much everybody agrees that […]
Soo i’m 13 and i noticed i have no reason to live because my parents hate me (seriously, they freaking hate me), my brother that loved me so much is now treating me like a stranger and i have “friends” actually hates me. I don’t get it. I don’t get the reason that i choose to live, the boy that i like is the only reason i live. Why? he treats me soo much better than my “friends” and family.
I need advice on how to be happy, because i am sooooo close of taking my own life. so please help me, i need you.
Im just so frustrated and done with everything. Its my first full semester in college. I have learned that I do not belong at this school, people have said so to my face. The only reason im with my current roommate is because she was drugged during the summer term and i helped her. She constantly brings me down saying i have no tits or my face is awful. She treats me like a 2 year old and is extremely rude. She doesn’t take what I want and need intl consideration, she only thinks about herself. I do everything I can for her to be […]
Newer Posts