My mind? I’m intelligent, you’re smart too!, we’re smart.
But our knowledge, sometimes it’s worthless.We know there’s no hope, we know the situation is bad, we know no matter how many times we try it won’t work, we know the things will get even worse.We know.But the feelings…the feelings…we’re almost breathless, crying, slappin’ our own faces, screaming, preparing ourselves, methods already chosen, we got the stuff, almost doing…
But even in a rainy day, when everything is going wrong…I dunno, when I feel certain emotions I completely forget about suicide.When I see something cute, when I hear an inspiring art, when I hear babytalk*, I can’t help but smile a silly smileand my cheeks get warm and my heart feels home.Perhaps the unhappiness makes these simple things even better…and those even better things make me feel even worse when I realize I was ‘fooled’ (by myself).It always get worse after all.
*babytalk = childish language people use with babies.
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When you feel emotions, see something cute, hear music, touch art, hear baby talk you’re not using your ‘knowledge”, your head. You’re fully engaged with all your senses in what is happening now. Then mind-thinking cuts in, “that art was good, but there’s better” “I liked that music, but..” or “that was a cute cat, but…” judging, weighing, criticizing the working of the mind will drive us to suicide.