It’s just too much and I just feel sorry for myself and I want it all to end. I want to see the sun shine again. It’s been so long since I sincerely smiled. It’s been way too damn long since I felt things I could understand, since I was genuinely happy. I don’t want to be who I am. I want these thoughts to stop. They’re just too loud. I miss the times when I was actually confident and didn’t hate myself so much, the times I wasn’t so body conscious, the times I didn’t criticize every single thing I do, the times I […]
Today I tried taking my life, i left home after greeting my wife and kids, having them believe that i was off to work. Instead i had planned to go to the river pop as many pills as possible and pass out. I threw up everything. Not deterred, i pulled out a knife and started cutting at myself, the blade was too dull, now imagine the feeling of being cut without actually bleeding, hurts like a ************. Still undeterred, i went home, locked myself away in a room and proceeded to beat the living hell out of myself…(picture fight club). I passed out, and when […]
I get ignored just like usual. If i want to go out anywhere or do anything I just seem to go by myself these days. If i go with family members it just turns into one huge screaming match by the end of it. I know my sis is graduating high school and that’s great and all… But it feels like if i say anything people just get irritated and annoyed. I’m trying to stay positive and happy with my music and thoughts but i know i am slowly slipping. The guy i really like. we have so much in common and weve been friends […]
I have been feeling the icy tendrils of depression wrapping around my ankles for a few weeks now. The mist of bored distress have filled my mind. I can’t concentrate on school… This is not good. I am finding it more difficult to stay positive and use my healthy coping skills. In my head it sounds like a screaming saw “Cut, cut, cut” and I can only visualize the plethora of methods to take my life. I jumped off an overpass once… Broke my leg… Obviously it didn’t kill me. Now I know better. I am afraid of those hesitation marks. The ones that hurt. […]
I went to see uncle Tom, because our sicknesses are the same.
I never thought of that before, is genetics to blame ???
So I asked how do describe me, because words I can’t find.
He looked at me and smiled, and said you have an un-quiet mind.
An un-quiet mind ??? I’ll be damned you’re right.
That’s always been my problem, no peace in sight.
From the time I wake up until the time I go to sleep, and all the time in-between
All of the noises and voices, I just wanna scream.
But screaming won’t […]
I am wrong all the time and im stupid and crazy I want to die I cant take it no more . I am ridiculed for not having money but I havr no help..I have been in this motherfucking town for almost one month . my job as I see it get to the office and make money every body eles can go fuck them slefs. I dont need to put a cup of coffe for my father in law or be apart of this family I dont want to play scategory or Monopoly…. And fucking play house I was told I was gonna make […]
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My head is screaming. My body is screaming. The voices and intrusive images are taking over. A crushing weight is sitting on my chest. I feel closer to the monsters in my head than the people who surround me. I can’t breathe and I can only think of ways to bring about physical pain to make the mental insanity end. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of pretending that I can survive this war that I never had a choice in. I did not choose to be born, nor did I choose to participate in this insanity that circulates in my head. I want so […]
Just when my head started to get quieter for the first time today (the voices have been constant), my stepdad came home with his friend after drinking for a couple hours. When they got here, my mum left to go out. Two hours ago my aunt and uncle and their kids came round. So now the house is full of four screaming kids and drunk adults. My anxiety is horrible, the voices are horrible, the figures are horrible. I’ve been crying upstairs for the last hour. I need to get away from everyone. They all keep opening the front door. They’re going to let the […]
Of a lenghty e-mail reply. And the Wi-Fi connection to the lap top here decided to shit out. I’ve spent 3 hours trying to type. I’m unable to reset the internet until everyone is done using it. It’s just the lap top is having troubles troubleshooting.
I haven’t showered today. I ate however. Enjoying a beer, listening to clasical piano. My mother has been screaming and yelling all night. I told her something simple and she bit my head off pretty much. And has continued to bite my head of. Jesus woman calm down before I bite your head off. I would have so much to […]
I’m standing on the edge I stumble I fall in
I’m falling into nothing I’m screaming im calling
it feels like I’m drowning man I can’t breath
can someone save me from myself please
it could be sunny outside but it’s raining over me
downward spiral walking corpse virus Im slowly dying in silence
And I’m it’s host to entertain wile it flourishes from my pain
and stuck in this hole
Let me say this once for the whole world to hear: I. HATE. YOU. ALL.
I am bringing this up again, I was admitted to the E.R. yesterday for suicidal thoughts after my psychologist knew it was beyond her control.
My family, my mother she was pissed. She complained about how the 50$ wasted for parking in the hospital could’ve been used for buying shoes. She said, “Poor, poor girl….Your sister wanted to go shopping, and now she can’t because this bloody (insert swear words) crazy idiot did all this.” My father complained about missing work. My sister called me a dumb stupid teenager and I was making […]
My initial and his form part of my butterfly tattoo – K and A. Unless you know where to look, they’re hard to pick out. Like a special code which requires deciphering.
I’ve known him for nearly two years. We chatted online for a couple of months before meeting up. He’s 40 next month (12 years younger than me) and shares a house with his parents and two dogs. He is on medication for depression and has been for […]
How do you survive when the enemy lives within. When your brain and emotions are the are the very things that are eating away at your essence. When you silently screaming yet no one can hear you or even begin to comprehend the dark thoughts roaming around inside you….
i turn 21 tomorrow and feel pretty terrible about it. i didn’t want to make it to 21. i wanted to be ashes by now. i told my family i don’t want a special meal or a cake or presents, but they’re nice people so they’re insisting. i think my brother feels bad for screaming at me and basically telling me i was worthless, a few weeks ago (the first time he’s ever treated me that way…can’t say i didn’t deserve it haha). he insists on at least picking up good food. why.
i wish i was dead. i have a list of […]
I feel like shit.
One of things I absolutely hate is the fact that we no longer live a normal life anymore.
My father is jobless, and my mother works freelance at the company where my dad used to work at. For months now, he’s been jobless and he’s been living with us in the apartment I’ve been using for college. Currently, he applied to some company abroad, whereas he’s been waiting for his papers’ approval. We’ve tried telling him to work at the company he worked at before but he absolutely hates it there, so no question about him wanting to go back otherwise it’d lead […]
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I’ve not been the greatest lately, and I haven’t paid nearly enough attention to all you wonderful people on this site. I don’t recognize half of your names, makes me feel old. Nonetheless, this site is for the suicidal, and I guess I can be counted among their number. I want to die, hell, not a day goes by that I don’t want to stick a gun in my mouth and paint the walls around me red. Thing is, I can’t do that. There are people out there that would die if I committed suicide, and I can’t let that happen. I don’t give a […]
rain falling around me
can’t tell if weather is warm
or why I am cold?
fame falls all around me
can’t tell if I should just hide or run
some people hold onto their misery,
a token of their lives
painted faces, warlike, they march on
feel the end near, blinding and screaming
for blood they’d do anything
got two tickets to Peridon, just can’t sleep
I’ve got no reason to worry ’cause it’s just a dream
on my way to the classroom
lit the fire
it’s a burning desire
water is needed
hate seems always following
can’t tell if I can run, can’t find my way […]
trying to make it through, my friends try to help but there’s nothing they can do.
hurting so much I can barely move.
time goes by so slow. I look at myself in the mirror screaming no. the blade on my skin feels cold, but seeing the drip makes me feel bold.
my mom is too drunk to care
my dad isn’t anywhere near
my sister is already gone
and everyone wishes it was me.
all these doors are locked and she had the key
so I cut for her and I cut for me.
I can hear her calling. It’s time for me to leave..