wow, i just stumbled upon this site… amazing… i’ve struggled with suicide since i was a child. i’m 23 now. and i’ve been planning to finally succeed this weekend. just getting things in order, getting my paycheck on friday so i can buy what i need. i thought i was a freak of nature, a psycho, and now i know i’m not alone…
i feel so awful for the pain i know i will cause my family and loved ones, but i literally cannot bear this anymore. i live in torment, i have no reason to be unhappy, my life has not been unpleasant and i am deeply loved and appreciated… but i am extremely, extremely depressed inside. the fact that i am fully aware how lucky i am to have a nice life, and still feel so depressed, makes me hate myself more than anything. i feel like i am cursed, like i am constantly fighting with myself.
i cannot keep up this fight anymore, and unfortunately i know it will come as a shock, because i’ve never wanted to let anyone down by letting them know how miserable i am inside, i never wanted anyone to feel like they were the cause or they weren’t enough to make me happy, especially my parents. and now i will do the “selfish” thing and end it.
i was hugged today, and told “i don’t know what i would do without you.” it killed me, because i know that in a weeks time, they will be without me, and i hate that i am doing that to them, i hate that i am so miserable that i have become selfish. i love them to their very deepest core, yet i am so beyond fucked up that i can’t stand my own life anymore, and thus will bring severe suffering into theirs. that is not fair to them…
i’ve begun writing letters to everyone, to leave behind for them…. i don’t know how to comfort them…
9 comments
I don’t think it’s selfish cause if I had the guts to so it I would’ve been gone. I’m young but the pain is unbearable we all have our problems.
As of for you best of luck I’m not gonna talk you out of it or try cause this is your choice you’ve been dealing with it long enough if it’s your time to go then it is. If you wanna talk before anything on Kik: boricua_loca23 if you want.
Well, no matter what, it’s a tragic situation. Whether you stay or go, either way someone suffers. That’s just how things end up sometimes. Nothing to do but weigh and balance out everything in your head, and then make your decision. Yes it’s selfish to an extent, but no one can fault you for it. Because really when you get down to it, almost everything (maybe completely everything) anyone ever does is selfish in one way or another. The real question is what type of self-interest you have, and whether it hurts or helps others.
Anyways, I’m rambling. I’m glad you decided to stop by, olive.
ramble away, i’m always interested in people’s opinions on the subject, since it’s obviously one i struggle with myself. it’s true though, there’s never any way to make everyone happy
crimson- thank you for your kindness, really. it’s amazing how much i am comforted by hearing replies from people that understand what it feels like… i’ve never experienced that before. thanks 🙂
I hope that you will be ok, I’m younger than you but I still struggle a lot to hold myself together. No matter what please hold on, I’ve done so fir 17 years. I hold onto the hope of being able to do what I love one day, helping others, especially suicidal teens :/ you’re strong.
i went through a similar phase when i was 17, and i held on, but i can’t keep my grip this time… & the truth is that i do what i love… i work with at-risk youth 7 to 17yrs and they have inspired me in many ways. i know i am helping them, i am serving a purpose, i love them so much, i don’t want to leave them, and i fear what they will think when they find out. but i find that i “know” these facts about my life while i feel something very different, i feel void of anything positive, i hate every ounce of myself inside :\
Isn’t it wild how everything on the outside can be going wonderfully, but inside, you die every day.
You’re missing the bridge that connects the inner and outer as well.
It’s a never ending struggle.
This is very similar to as what I’m currently going through. I feel as though ending my own life is selfish and would be “the easy way out”. Most people would say I have a great life or whatever I’m 22 and a single male never had trouble with women and I do have interested and hobbies. Fuck I even go to music festivals for enlightenment… I used. to enjoy life! WTF happened? Idk but I’m extremely depressed and constantly think about suicide. I hope all is well olive
im facing the same situation:
Afraid to leave it, afraid to lose it
i am stuck in this place
All i wish is to move on yet i am afraid of leaving precious memories behind
afraid to leave my loved ones behind
although im fully aware No pain no gain but i dont have courage to leave it unfinished
yes!! i admit i love being stuck in this place
i am stuck in this plac