hey. today is friday the 13th. but, it doesn’t make much of a difference, since all days of life for me hold a significant amount of bad luck and misfortune.
I don’t think all people have a purpose. I even think some people will be stepped on and overlooked through the entirety of their life. Not everyone can have a fairy tale life or like in the movies. It makes those people more miserable seeing people have things fall in place for them while they struggle so much. I just don’t get why assisted suicide isn’t a thing. I mean they would rather have abortions in hospitals than in their home or on the street. They both are deaths of a human being. Let suicide happen in hospitals where people can say goodbye.
Why am I with people I hate .
Why Am i in a town with no prosperity?
Why am I killing my self for the selfish people?
Staying with a husband….no a llittle boy who is just as selfish.
I am alone
Why did I do this? Why am i here?
Why? can’t I stop crying
Im so sad, so miserable.
I wake up crying ,I go to sleep crying ..
I want to go home there is nothing for me here or go anywhere with these people …I think I should end every thing
Suicide mission resume. I took my last shot at a bearable miserable existence and missed. I can get out of here now.
Today I skimmed and read and skimmed and read hundreds upon hundreds upon hundreds of texts that my ex and I sent over the last year. They’re just there. In my phone. So much love. So much communication.
I know I need to delete it. I know I need to move on. What is wrong with me???
just a thought it’s not actually that easy to commit suicide or it takes a hell of a lot of courage sure it dose take a bit of courage to try overdose
but other methods takes a lot more courage and have to be planned out properly or you will wind up in a worst state then you already are
so what are the opinions here ?
Living a depressed and miserable life ?
plan and trying harder next time ?
Hoping things will get better ?
Go to a country were you can use the method you choose ?
At this point i think I’m more scared of living then dying right now
To be honest, I can’t stop crying and I don’t know why. Nothing particularly bad happened I’m just so unreasonably miserable.
Today, I’m so desperately wishing that the human body wasn’t built to survive, and that it wasn’t so difficult to die. I wish I knew how to use a gun, because if I did I’d shoot myself since I have access to a gun. I wish all the useless leftover antidepressants I had would kill me if I took them all. Maybe the lexapro would since I’m allergic.
I wish I knew one person who was kind to me, I wish I had friends. I wish I knew one person who wasn’t broke or in need. I wish I knew one person who was successful. I wish I knew one person who was actually happy. I wish I didn’t need money so damn bad. I wish I didn’t need support and friendship and love, but I do. And it’s never any where to be found. I wish I knew someone who had a relationship that worked out. I wish I knew anyone who had ever had anything work out for them.
Life seems so full of shit. For the past 20 years people have told me it will get better when things just get worse. And to be honest, as stupid and cliche as it is sometimes that’s all I want to hear. Sometimes all I want is a real live friend to tell me it will be okay, but I never get that. I put so much effort into people that put no effort into me. I’ve been abused my whole life and now all I know is how to abuse myself.
Once a psychologist told anyone can think themselves into a depression and that’s all I do all the time, is sit here and think myself miserable. I feel so worthless all the time. Why does anyone bother? I’m a miserable person who is struggling for money and hates waking up everyday. So is everyone else I know. I’ve never met someone who’s actually enjoying their life so what’s the point?
Sorry, most of my posts are just random outpourings of emotions that make me sound so stupid and crazy, but they make me feel better so don’t judge me.
I keep dreaming about the child I lost and about his father that mistreated me every night. I can’t sleep (because even thou I am asleep, I can’t rest), I wake up with tears in my eyes. I feel tired and emotionally exhausted, and being awake makes me feel miserable so I try to sleep as much as I can. I really feel like giving up and I wish I could close my eyes and not wake up.
Last night I had two films I edited screen to a sold out audience of thousands and receive huge accolades. At the after party there was no shortage of people congratulating me and showering me with praise for my work. It was very fulfilling.
And yet, that night when I went to bed and the first thing I thought of in the morning was “I want to die.”
I can’t live like this anymore. It’s exhausting beyond belief and there really is no joy to be had. I swear, I only really got through the after party because of all the drinks I had. In fact, this entire morning, I’ve been excessively miserable and grumpy.
Happiness is something that is for other people. Me, my only friends are self-loathing and depression.
I am fairly certain about my misery and my mental illness. I know I can’t be cured. Well most of the mental diseases can’t be cured. Even doctor said that it can be manageable. Manageable not cured. Fuck manageable. I am tired of this shit. All the time living in fear that I am gonna collapse now. I am gonna freak out now in public and What to say about the demons. Thankfully they are at rest now. Even without them life is so miserable. I wish them to wake up now. So I can end this pathetic miserable life.
Every fucking day/ at some point/after a miserable event I think, that’s it. Finally this is it. I can’t be hurt anymore. But I got hurt again and again. Fuck bi-polarity. Fuck all the mental and physical diseases. Fuck me for using this fucking word so many times. I’m so much tired. I wish I had the guts to kill myself.
Fucking coward me. Why I stoped thousand of times when I was on the brink of killing myself. It’s been more than 8 years of this continues torture.
Still living in misery so that my family members just don’t feel bad after my death. Family members, who don’t even give a crap about me.
This rant is pointless. Life is pointless. It is just a endless misery. If there is a god he is fucking enjoying watching me like this. If there is a god, He is fucking responsible for all the bad things which is happening around whole world. Innocents are suffering in thousand different ways. So simple explain- either he himself is a heartless monster or he is dead and possibly he never existed.
It’s 4am and I’m lonely.
It’s 4am and I’m questioning my existence again.
It’s 4am and the demons in my head are out to play.
It’s 4am and I’m feeling more miserable by the second.
It’s 4am and I’m in pain, but I don’t trust myself enough to take pills.
It’s 4am and I’ve lost my will.
It’s 4am and I’m depressed.
It’s 4am and I need help.
It’s 4am and minutes pass on.
It’s 4am and there’s no difference between time, because I’ll still be feeling the same as I did at 4am…
I swear that even the fucking teachers here are trying to make my life miserable on purpose. The one time I actually find a place where I can sit at lunch where no one can mess with me I’m of fucking course not allowed to be there.
First failed attempt was Monday night I wasn’t feeling particularly suicidal but I saw an opportunity and took it.
Last night i took took a few bottles of sleeping pills but every time I would stop breathing I would jerk awake and concentrate on breathing. Needless to say it was a miserable night.
I just want it to be over.
Sorry to bug you guys, but I’m going to share my story real quick.
I’m an 18 year old girl diagnosed with depression and mild OCD. I may or may not be going to therapy soon, as I’m broke and my insurance does not cover it. I’m kind of hanging on for now and I’m not at immediate risk of suicide. But lately it’s been really difficult and I’m honestly surprised I’m still alive. I’ve been taking Lexapro since August, which has helped a little, but I’m still miserable.
As a kid, I never really had friends or family outside of my home. I wasn’t bullied really, but I’ve always been extremely lonely. My father was gone for years because of the military. After he came home and retired, we moved. My mother became stagnant. She has done almost nothing besides sit on the couch for 5 or 6 years, and her health is beginning to show it. My father became emotionally abusive towards my mother and I, and my mother hates him because he works too much. My parents’ marriage is quickly crumbling, and many of their fights are my fault.
I am 5’3 and almost 200 pounds. I used to weigh less, but depression hit me harder than usual these past couple of months and I gained about 25 pounds. I am unattractive and my personality is quite horrible as well. I have never been in a relationship, kissed anyone, etc. I am selfish and rude, and my life is going nowhere. I am not in college and have no plans to go. I currently working part time (I’ll switch to full time after Christmas) because I thought it would help give me a purpose, but all it has done is make me more miserable.
My mental state has been poor. The only way I can describe depression is foggy. Everything I “feel” seems forced. I haven’t been genuinely happy since I was younger. Suicide has been in the back of my mind since I was 11, but this past summer after I graduated I almost killed myself. I researched numerous ways to do it, and helium was at the top of my list. My father has a shotgun, but I don’t know the combination to his gun safe. Maybe one day he’ll tell me?
Today especially, I feel like my life has come to a complete stop. I have spent the past 18 years doing nothing of value. I am not truly important to anyone and I am just taking up space. I spend all day on the internet and playing video games. My life is going nowhere and I have no motivation to do anything about it. I guess I’m reaching out for help right now? I’m just really tired of hating myself and constantly wishing I was dead.
Sorry for wasting your time. Any responses are appreciated.
What is your degree of suffering within a ladder of 1-10. Those who reach 10 face the most miserable life and are almost 90% likely to die by commiting suicide. Those who reach 1 are the most fortunate. They think rarely about suicide and come to this blog mainly to tell some of their problems, encourage others and socialise. I wonder who belongs to this fortunate category.
There are also those who belong to 3, 4 or 5. They are still fortunate. Those who belong to 8 are also very likely to commit suicide. To which category do you belong?