All I see is darkness, but I know there’s light somewhere.
I feel like I’m not in the game. The life game, I feel like I’ve stepped out and in to observational mode. But the thing is, I’m not sure what is so great about the game. I don’t ever get sex, I don’t get the cuddles or the mental connections. I don’t get mind blowing experiences or happy endings of any sort. I tell myself, everything that is  wrong with the world is there to make the good things better, and that I should accept it and learn from it.
But you see, I can’t do that. There are so many problems and I hate them but I don’t have the mental capacity to solve them, only to find more of them. All these terrible things about human life and behavior. I want to see beauty. I want to know that life isn’t only people destroying each other.
2 comments
I think that tends to be dependent on person experience. People who have an enjoyable life will tell you life is beautiful. People who suffer every day are good at identifying suffering and will tell you that this is an ugly place. Sure there are exceptions, some people have it all and thing this world is ugly, some people have nothing and think life is beautiful.
In a strange way the only way to see any beauty in it by learning to appreciate ugliness. We are just another species of animal who think we are a lot smarter than we really are. Of course this place is going to be a horrible mess. Of course people are going to kill each other over money and resources rather than sharing. That’s how animals tend to behave.
The world is beautiful. Nature is beautiful. Humanity is ugly. The only hope of seeing any beauty is to break away from the main pack of humanity and just try to pretend that they don’t exist.
We also tend to see more and more ugliness. In an effort to show “reality” there aren’t many positive role models. TV has more and more ludicrous illusions. It’s good to get unplugged from the matrix, but it isn’t easier, and there does not appear to be any blue pill.