label me hopeless, label me a coward, label me with whatever name you want to. I’m coming to the conclusion that my life is nothing but a reflection of  the dog shit on the corner of the street. you see.. the more i live the more i begin to realize this and the options i have in order for me to be happy are becoming slimmer and slimmer. Im on the cusp of being homeless and my mom wont help me out. I dont know what i did to make her so angry so fed up, honestly im fed up with myself. alot of things have been going on and i cant cope with it anymore.  for years ive been contemplating suicide and for years ive hated myself.Somehow my problems became my mother’s. For once i want the future of my life to be in my hands instead of  the world and its ocean full of questions and secrets that never get answered. Sometimes i wish suicide was as simple as telling your dreams you dont want to wake up. But everything has to be a struggle.
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The Roman slaver groaned as it lurched through heavy seas. Below decks, a boy, Epictetus, lay writhing in his chains. His left knee, where the manacle bit into the shin, was trussed in a heavy rag. Two nights ago a crate had come loose in a storm, careered across the floor and crushed his leg. Epictetus had been in and out of consciousness since then.
No one had treated the break. The soldiers who had dragged the crate away retreated when they saw the damage it had done. Now they spoke in whispers and brandished the lash when he begged for help. He was damaged goods. Epictetus could tell that they didn’t expect him to survive the trip.
Epictetus would prove them wrong. All he needed to do was to control the pain. Try as he might, there was no stopping it. He had tried to blank it out, but it was oppressively – there. There had to be some way of dealing with it, the boy thought. What was it that the Stoics taught? Cultivate the power within. Epictetus struggled to apply the Stoic teaching.
The pain seemed to occupy Epictetus’ entire experience. Yet, part of his experience, Epictetus realized, he controlled. He could control his way of thinking about the pain. He still had power to reason, reflect and decide how to act, even if his body betrayed him at each turn. Two nights ago he’d wept unstoppably. Now he swallowed his sobs – he had this much power at least.
What else could he achieve? Epictetus forced himself to think about things other than his broken leg. A sunlit meadow. Cool water on his brow. The conjugation of verbs: he ran through his Latin and Greek. He thought about how brave he would feel in years to come when he had endured the trip, recovered and won his freedom. He coached himself: control the pain, don’t let it control you.
The pain continued relentlessly. Epictetus, by controlling his responses, held it at bay.
This is a true story, give or take some details. The Stoic philosopher Epictetus (55-135AD), who was born into slavery, was crippled for life when his leg was broken while he was being transported to Rome for auction. The experience of surviving the trip, without care or medical attention, prepared Epictetus for the Stoic lifestyle that he would adopt later on. Slavery taught him how to cope with social and political disenfranchisement. But it was the experience of lying below decks struggling with intolerable pain that taught him how to cultivate the power within.
We all have the ability to control our responses. The ability derives from our rational nature: our power to think critically about our experiences and to alter our view on them. The Stoics argued that the power of rational judgment is the only true power we possess in life. All other powers that we possess, such as powers that we derive from our relationships and communities, our money and possessions, our jobs and roles in society – all of these can be taken from us.
Epictetus was later set free to become a philosopher. Here are the rules of the stoics:
Rule 1: Focus on what you can control.
Rule 2: All you can control for certain is your judgment.
Rule 3: What is beyond your control is fate. Fate is none of your business.
Yep. Remember your future you can change, even if you can’t do much for now. What you have now is your mind where you’re safe to make your plans carefull. If you persist, one day you’ll se yourself totally free to do what you want.