All i remember from my childhood is fighting. There was so much hatred in my family…in elementary school my parents got so bad i was scared i’d come home and my dad would be dead. He used to threaten it all the time. I remember things getting broken and walls being punched along with windows. My mom would constantly take me and my siblings away and threaten to not come back we’d stay at her best friends house but i began to get absolutely sick of it in 6th grade my parents were arguing so bad my dad walked to my brothers elementary school and took him out of school they then walked around the woods near our house but at that point my mom had called the police and my aunt and so when my aunt showed up of course my little brother wanted to go so he went with them. Then later on my dad got me out of my school and then my mom called the police…the policeman asked if i wanted to go or stay and i told him i wanted to stay in MY house so my mom left with my little brother and baby sister…those events began my depression… then in 8th grade i met this guy and we fell in love pretty quick (i know that sounds soo stupid but we cared a lot for each other) but i ruined that relationship by not doing anything but fighting…it was all i knew though but the boy broke up with me that sent me into a horrible state of depression I hated myself so much and spent that entire summer angry and depressed and just played black ops nonstop i met some interesting people too a guy from san antonio whom i become great friends with and another guy we all called bringy he was a total bad ass and i told this dude everything he showed me the band avenged sevenfold and i fell in love with that band immediately and then bringy just disappeared for a while but when he got back … he was a total prick he would tell me how i am going to hell which made me feel like a total piece of shit but he didn’t care he wanted me to feel that way in 9th grade i’ve just been trying to fit in i dated four guys this year the first was my absolute best friend I loved this boy … but he was soo scared of relationships which caused us a one day relationship which lowered my self esteem even more…next was a guy i met online as well he’s Mexican and told me he wanted to be with forever after day 3 of our relationship…i freaked out and dumped him after a month which then he continuously threatened to commit suicide i felt like a total piece of shit and then came another guy i got close to he was dorky and we dated a month … because i was falling for another … L … i had a crush on him since 7th grade from cross country… and one day i saw him sitting all alone and with my friends motivation i got up walked over to him and we began talking i got his number … then found out my best friend since forever was dating him … she lives in a totally different state … i couldn’t believe that she went behind my back like that then realized hmm she had a boyfriend less than like a week ago and i did some stalking around and found out she was cheating on L… L is a sensitive person i learned when we were talking a lot like me in a sense very depressed not happy with them self which was quite ironic since he always seemed to happy and outgoing at school you never really know huh? We became close and he had finally asked me out … with a pizza box it was really cute but we moved really fast first time we hung out he kissed me…second time i gave him a hand job 5th time a blow job… i felt pretty self conscious too…did i mention he’s a senior and I’m a freshman…things moved so fast and we loved each others company but my mom hated him she constantly put doubt in my mind about everything L was my first and I was his as well… but my mom caused us to argue she would say terrible things about him and he became fed up with it and him being so weak let her win…and so a week ago he dumped me… the whole relationship we both struggled through depression i have over 12 cuts on my skin as of now and have tried to overdose twice within the past 3 days … i have eaten 3 real meals within the past week i just feel sick and i have constant headaches i cant cry anymore i’ve cried put all my tears.
If you read through that all good for you i’m very proud 🙂