theres nothing to do anymore, nothing is fun, im stressing over the exams that we will have and lots of shit that we will have to do and who knows maybe i wont get accepted to that highschool that i wanted to go to and ill have to ruin my high school experience and most likely life because of it. u dont know how much i suffer from anxiety everyday, no one understands me, it hurts, i cover my ears and try not to cry and freak out from loud people, im slowly losing myself. i keep snapping and having break downs, i was happy […]
me ranting about stupid shit…
Ever since I was a child I’ve been an overthinker on the stupidest shit. Even now I can’t have one argument with a friend, or something without thinking about it the whole day and it being stuck in the back of my mind. It effects my day to day life because it progressively gets worse throughout my life. I can’t even take a simple compliment without thinking if they really meant it or not. Now I have horrible insecurities about my body and personality. Moving on, I’m currently almost failing three of my classes and as a previous honor roll student […]
Although I may never commit suicide
I spend parts of each day thinking about suicide –
Thinking about how I lack the courage to do it.
I wake in the mourning with 60 per cent depression.
That’s how it remains for the whole day,
Except for the odd occasion in a year
In the doorway or on the street I meet by chance
For a few minutes a woman passing-by
Who has the time to stop and talk for three minutes
Or five minutes or even sometimes seven or eight minutes,
Who rocks back on her heels in her pink, hooped skirt
With laughter, no matter what the topic.
Depression and despair are two different states
Of mind, […]
Ugh. I feel like I’m falling behind everyone. Like, I used to be top of my class and now I have a D in WHAP. (AP World History). I can’t answer anything correctly and like, every time I think I know the answer and pick it I end up missing the question no matter how much I study. The AP test is Thursday and I am so so so not ready for it. I’m studying like crazy and I still think it’s not enough.
Like, I’m not even supposed to be here yet I am and then I can’t see myself next year and I can’t […]
I still remember when I first found this page, and well, so many things have happened since then. When I look back at the past years, it gets blurry. I can remember some events, and it is hard to explain, but it’s like they are just there. I feel dissociated from them. And it is like I forget about them unless I am really thinking about them or I have one of my off days. I thought that I had gotten better at handling myself, and for a while, it was true. But this year, as well as the last months of last year, have […]
i hate my life.
i’m in my last year of high school and all the pressure is on me.
i have to get into a good university to get a degree to get a job and make lots of money for my family.
my mum is mad because my younger brother is pretty “dumb”. Teachers say he’s work doing work or paying attention in class. So my mum is worried that he’s gonna fail school.
she was ranting as usual, but today was worse. She asked me “haven’t got homework?” I said “it’s the weekend” she just ignored me and continued saying “instead of watching that stupid show”.
i guess […]
I am 16 and in a week I’ll be 17.
Today my dad spoke with my teachers and talked about how I’m doing in school (grade 11).
The usual stuff they say:
• I’m quiet
• I sit alone (in some classes)
• I don’t participate in classes
those kind of things.
My teachers also said how bad I’m doing. And my parents didn’t react that well.
My dad is pissed at me.
And my mum hates me. She always says that “I’m useless” and that “no one will hire me for a job” and that “I’ll be picking up garbage and living on the streets.” And she’s always adds that “I’ll be dead […]
I was actually one of the ones who did well academically, but the whole notion of the way the education system is set up here never sat well with me, even as I was getting my useless “A”s. I was literally in 2nd grade when I started questioning the educational system, because it never made sense to me.
If you look at the Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Albert Einsteins- all the geniuses who dropped out of school- they were all stifled by the rigidity of school and the rigidity of the mainstream establishment thought. Granted, 99% of us here aren’t geniuses like them, but if even […]
Check this Ted video out:
For those who suck as school, there’s hope for you yet lol. This video talks about how schools knock the creativity out of us.
why is school so hard? I’m not meaning academically but the people, I can’t help but feel judged and people look at me and laugh and it doesn’t help that I hate my body but today was awful. In Spanish I sit by two socialites and they always try to talk to me in a nose way and today they kept looking at me and laughing. Every time I did I only tried to hide my face and go away. It’s so hard to ignore these people and no one seems to get it my friends don’t help or anything and I just feel like I’m […]
Hello friends. If anyone has suggestions on how to at least cope with the persistent pain of being alive when you don’t want to be, it’d be most welcome. Or just feel free to share whatever’s on your mind. I have gotten to the point of drawing nooses in my course syllabus. You know, like an emo high school MCR fan, except I’m 22 and too old for this juvenile behavior. I’ve gotten to the point beyond tears, where all that remains is a constant dull ache in the chest. Like I’m lugging around weights. I hate going to school, but all other avenues in […]
I haven’t been sleeping well, or eating well.
This is normal for me now, but it’s affecting my grades.
But why should I care? My future doesn’t matter to me anymore.
My mom and dad always pressure me to study, to work hard, get good grades.
Numbers define me.
But what happens the day I fail?
Will you turn on me?
Why haven’t you bothered to ask what’s wrong?
Why won’t you swim out, in the sea of pressure, lies, everything-
Why won’t you come and at least try, try to save me?
I did not get to sleep last night, I had to write something for school and I’m pretty sure I didn’t get a good grade because I didn’t get to finish. A night of sleep wasted!
Well not entirely wasted it was so quiet and peaceful. I don’t think I’m going to be sleeping often. Maybe I’ll stay up all weekend with no sleep. It’s just so… UGH! I don’t even know how to explain it but I love it!
school starts tomorrow. i want to bring my blade with me. if i do it, it will hurt the person i love. but i love doing it! the only thing i regret is hurting her. i wish i could take all the hurt away and have it all on me. first day back tomorrow maybe a bloody smiley on my skin is just what i need.
It’s been a very, very long time. Last time I posted something, I was a freshman in high school and my mom had just left.
I am now a senior in high school, hoping to graduate, and struggling. I somehow turned into one of those kids that don’t try in school. The ones that go to school with bruised knuckles after having punched a wall out of anger. I thought that was incredibly stupid of them. Now I’m typing with bruised knuckles, a result of anger. Not anger at the life that was given me, but at myself.
So much crap has happened over the years, so […]
Hello. I have less than 1 week left in school. I can’t seem to stay still. Going to a place full of people like school is agony. I hate it. I got to get away. I can’t stay still. Every time I look around, I see people having a great time and spending it with others. I understand that I am alone. I just don’t want to show up to a place where it constantly reminds me. This restlessness has extended at home as well. Even in my room I can’t sit still. I want out. It’s driving me insane. Like I need to be […]
i am, by all accounts, a survivor, an old school member of this place, and it gets better it gets so much better that i drink, just co i can fall asleep, that my writing talent, the book im going to write, is used up here and on members via email. my way out is a book i can never write, but hay, it gets better,it always gets better…
I guess I should start from the beginning. I am 17 almost 18 and have a brother who is 16 and a sister who is 20. My life sucks is complicated and somewhat confusing at times.
I was adopted when I was 4 by a family who we were all happy to be part of. I was adopted because my parents did drugs and were nearly always unconscious. We were malnourished and my sister was looking after us. So I guess the positive was we got a new family and well that’s where things were supposed to get better but in fact things somehow got worse.
My brother […]
Hello. Today was a bit rough. I have a little under two weeks left for school. I just need to get through it. Around this time I get kind of depressed. I am never comfortable around people and school is the only time I am ever around people. When it comes to summer, I do my utmost to stay away from public places. However, I can’t help but feel kind of shitty when going back to that routine. It means I really am alone. When you have no reason to be around people, it means people have no reason to be around you. You are […]