I’ve typed this all right now, right from the fight – my back is still bleeding. If you’ll only like to hear about the hostility, read (FIGHT) below, but I provide backstory. I ramble on at times seemingly about irrelevant things, but only because I want to cover all bounds.
I’m posting this on Reddit as well.
This is not a joke. I am being completely serious
My brother is mentally ill (not in the obvious way, you’ll have to observe his behavior over a few months to realize). He used to be a division I football athlete but failed in his endeavors to go to the NFL because of persistent injuries. That was his goal since 8th grade, and he has the “my way or the highway mentality”. He dedicated most of his time and effort to becoming the best player possible and chance bit him in the ass. But following his (essentially life) failure, he’s gotten into all this weird psychology non-sense – partly scientific but mostly nonsense, and has fully convinced himself he will become a famous musician within some (indeterminate to me) length of time. He said last summer after dropping FIVE FULL ATHLETIC SCHOLARSHIPS and dropping from college, that he will be famous by the end of the summer. That was last summer, and he still isn’t famous. It’s absurd talking in such binary terms of “famous” and “not famous” but that’s the only way he looks at it. He’s delved into all sorts of online philosophies that have only strengthen his inner belief that he was somehow destined to become super rich and wealthy. An example of one of these is The Secret: The Law of Attraction.
I digress here – not necessary but informative___________________
It’s basically a train of thought that says the following:
1) Our minds are the filters through which we perceive the world.
2) If we can control our minds, we can control our perception of the world
3) Therefore, if we can convince our minds that something must be true, it will project it to reality
4) From that follows all sorts of absurd claims, such as: If I really want to be rich and famous, all I have to do is think about it really really hard, and it will come true eventually.
Those premises and conclusion have convinced hundreds of thousands into buying books and living their life a certain way. Needless to say, it is rubbish and nonsense.
_________________________
Anyway, as time has passed, and his fame has seen virtually no profession, he’s become more and more hostile with my family, which is doing nothing more than convincing him that the path he’s chosen is clearly wrong. He refuses to get a job, he think he’s above “desk jobs” such as Engineers(my father is one), diplomats for the United Nations(my mother is one), and computer programmers(one of my aspirations). All he does is sit at home, burn away the money on the credit card my mother VOLUNTARILY gave him(my parens are acting off emotions), and play loud music he’s produced. In addition to this, he believes in essentially every conspiracy in the book.
I digress here once again __________________
Now before you conspiracists blabber, I KNOW NOT ALL OF THEM ARE FALSE. I understand some are true, but most are constructions of fear-mongerers, and dim-wits, such as Alex Jones to make money and prolong their periods of fame (Google metabunk for a thorough debunking of many aforementioned theories).
He commonly tells my parents to fuck off, that “they are depressed because they don’t live the life they want” — which is absurd, for reasons I won’t divulge into — and that he possess some greater knowledge that regular human beings are unable to access. He denies any and all offers for help with acquiring a job, returning to school etc etc. This man (but really, boy), has completely convinced himself that he is the only one on this Earth that knows what is good for him.
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The fight—
Anyhow tonight my parents and he got into an argument, that erupted into him telling my parents to both fuck off multiple times. That was the last straw for me, as I was sitting in my room willing myself to ignore the screams. I got up, went to his room where the lights were off and my parents were standing over him, trying to console him. Now, the last time this happened, a fight broke out between my brother and I, and I got a swollen jaw for a few days, so I knew what would happen if I turned the lights on again.
I did this only to shake my parents out of inaction, because I want them to see what they’re son has become. They’ve been sweeping this under the rug for two years now and I’m done with his presence burdening our ability to function as a family.
I did, he got up, and what occurred was a 20~ minute alteration between my entire family (brother, mother and dad), in which my brother repeatedly swung and hit me whilst my dad and mom was trying to hold him back. He’s 20(I think) years-old, 6’1 210b of mostly muscle as he played college football, but I’m not afraid of him so I continued to engage him even as my dad struggled to control both of us. I got punched in the face many times, didn’t swing back because I’m not interested in this brutish-back and forth, and my brother ended up throwing my mother to the floor(at which point I engaged him again), and nearly hit my father. My brother kept saying, “Give me him(me), I’ll break his face. I’ll take his face off” The same continued until my father managed to split us apart, before which I broke my brother’s laptop purposely, and threw it towards the wall, which it had punctured. This was essentially the end of the altercation.
My mom kept crying hysterically even as I tried to comfort her, telling her we must call the caps RIGHT NOW, NOT TOMORROW, NOW. But she insisted we wait the night and call tomorrow – though I’m sure tomorrow there will be another excuse to wait. My dad was similarly hesitant, refusing to call the cops even though he asked me to earlier during the altercation.
Since, I’ve endured several blows to the face, my back is scratched and bleeding, and this presents a risk for me on Monday, during which time I’d hate for my internship boss to question my bruises on my first day of work.
Anyhow, this what I’m telling you Reddit, because this exact story has happened about three times in the past year. My brother is brute, and failure repressing his pent up anger. And my parents have been too afraid to make a decision that we know will fundamentally change our family. Almost as if they’re secretly wishing everything would be just ok in the morning. But it won’t. I’m only 18 but I understand what tough love means. The decision that hurts the most can often times be the best decision.
What should my parents do? What should I do?
3 comments
Wow, ok well one, call the cops. It DOSENT matter if your parents say not to, once they arrive they will most likely let the cops do what ever, tell them about the things your brother has done and everything ahold be handled, I feel as though yor relationship with your parents will change once you show them you are ready to take more actions then just physicly, your brother ( excuse my language) is a fucking idiot as far as I know to BELIVE ith the book the secret, and all of the other myths out there, and also to just give up on his five year scholarship, he deserves what is coming to him from the police, and if you don’t want to call the cops this time, Neville it happens take your cell phone and start recording before entering the fight, making shure not to say anything to brutal.
My advice: Call the authorities, but I also fear calling the authorities will not do much because the altercation has ceased and much time has passed. You could still file a police report and they may ask you personally, since your no longer a minor, if you would press charges. He being your brother and a family memeber may dissuade you from pursuing the charges, as evident in many cases, but you must step back and honestlt evaluate if it is for his own good. Family or not, no one has the right to assault another and his disrespect towards you and your parents, especially sway me to advise you should.
He is no longer a child. He is an adult who needs to acknowledge responsibility and take control of his life, and it is time he has his consequences imposed on him.
I also advise you have a stern and meaningful talk with your parents regarding their over protection him. He is no longer a child and they cannot bail him out of the trouble he caused himself forever. They also need to realize they are being taken advantage of and are in enabling his apathy.
Your brother can do whatever he wants as long as it is not under your parents roof. But since he is he needs to abide by his parents rules and respect them and their authority. Your parents should be putting up either and “grow some backbone” as well.
Your smart and you have a good head on your shoulders. Do not let this altercation affect you negativity and allow it to be an opportunity for intervention for everyone. If both parties refuse to make change and take responsibility, family or not, for your well being it might be best to seek your own independence and distance yourself from them.
Take care and good luck. Remember I am here as well anytime, so just shout out when in need.
Going to give you my true thoughts, just as you have chosen to tell your family exactly how you feel. Not meant to offend, just being honest.
First of all, it was mainly your influence that led to things turning physical, so congratulations for that I guess. Now, I know how you feel. I can picture eerily similar situations from years past in my life, how it feels to try to stay in your room and listen to other family members arguing. I have lost my control before too and run downstairs to insert myself in a situation that didn’t necessarily involve me. I’ve been through all the same type of stuff before, physical fights with a family member, people threatening to call the cops and never getting around to it, etc. But bottom line, reading your story, you feeling that you knew better than your parents and needed to insert yourself, go turn on his light, that initiated the worst of the problems. You could have chosen to go for a walk if you were tired of listening to it. And you’re the one responsible for broken laptops and holes in the wall. So… yeah….
Secondly, and remember this is just based on the context of a few simple paragraphs describing your situation so of course I don’t know everything, give your brother a break. You were ranting on this guy like I expected you to say he was close to 30 years old or something. He’s 20, and he’s an athlete who had his career path altered (you didn’t really mention what caused that, but doesn’t matter). He is probably confused about where he wants his life to go now.
I agree with you that things like The Secret are dangerous and stupid. It’s sad to see people get affected by these things. I believe there is some purpose to positive thinking, but not in the way those garbage books make it sound. I am familiar with it, I read it and watched some of the films about it. They literally make it sound like if you need money you just need to think about it and you’ll get some unexpected check in the mail a few days later. Stupid, unhealthy way to look at life. Getting into conspiracy, Alex Jones etc, are similarly dangerous roads that can really mess with peoples minds. But again, you are both young, I had my years where I got caught up in things like listening to Jones radio show etc.
To me it sounded kinda silly when you accused your brother of feeling like he is the only one who knows what is best for him. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume that is usually TRUE. Let people decide things for themselves. Who should he listen to? You?
It’s totally fine to disagree with how your parents are handling it. But you seem to be going a lot overboard and feeling like you have the right to step into a third parenting role here, or even a position about theirs. If your parents were standing there talking to him and handling it how they wanted to, who were you to run in there and turn on the light, knowing that was going to piss him off? Your actions got your mother thrown to the floor just as much as his did.
It might be annoying you that he’s living at home acting like normal jobs are below him. It might annoy you that your parents give him a credit card and probably pay the bill when it’s due.
But, for as angry as you sound at your brother for acting like a cocky know it all, you’re doing the same thing. You’re 18, you have no entitlement to have any control over how your parents want to address this issue. You are not the third parent, you have no authority here. You’re an 18 year old who sounds like you might need a good slap just like your brother. You’re being just as self absorbed as he is, sounding like you were the authority figure who needed to run into that room and decide how to handle it. You failed to contain your anger just as you accuse your “brute” brother of doing.
Chill out and mind your own business next time. Who are you to say which actions would be beneficial to the direction of your family and which aren’t. That type of decision making is up to your parents. You pretty much ended your post by saying exactly that, “I’m only 18 but I know which decisions need to be made”. No, you don’t. It’s perfectly normal to be frustrated by watching a sibling get preferential treatment and hey, I’m not even accusing you of being 100% wrong. Maybe your parents are terrible enablers who should have kicked your brother out last summer. But there’s just as much of a chance that you are not privy to the discussions your parents may have about how to deal with your brother or how they are trying to help him get through this confusing time in his life.
Overall, you need to look in the mirror and realize you’re guilty of much of the same hot shot behavior. You’re 18 and just as eligible to move out of the house and go be on your own if you disagree so strongly with how things are being handled there. Breaking laptops and initiating the confrontation in the first place just make you look equally as bad.