Its been a year now since my wife and I seperated. We have two beautiful children whom I adore very much. I moved here almost 10 years ago from another state after a string of failed relationships. I met my wife and married her almost eight years ago. It was great in the beginning, but first come children and then financial worries and somewhere along the way we began to grow apart. She left me for another man and when that didnt pan out she still felt she was better off without me. Now I have to work constantly to pay my bills and give her child support which means i get very little time to see my kids. I miss her and them so much it hurts every day…even after a year. I own guns as they are part of my job. Everyday I struggle to not shoot myself, Im losing what little willpower I have left. I had nothing meangful and good in my life before my wife and kids and havent had anything good since. I hate that Im not there to tuck my children in at night or to wake them up in the morning. I hate that I cant make her smile anymore. I hate that it turned out like this. People will say that there is someone out there for me, to get back in the saddle and start dating. I did that for a while. I met some very nice and beautiful women…but they weren’t her. My heart is broken and I cant fix it. I just want to end it all for good. I often load my gun and stick it in my mouth. I tremble, I cry, I always back out. I dont know how much longer I can though, I really just want to end the pain I feel, the pain Ive felt my entire life. Im all alone recupperating from an injury in my tiny 1 bedroom house. I’ll be stuck here alone for 90 days barely able to do anything for myself, I dont think I will make it through this. I just want to die.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
5 comments
Hang in there man and don’t shoot yourself. Lots of marriages come to an end and its not easy when there are children involved also. But things will get better for you. In some time to come you might find anther relationship or a friend to help you through things. Take some time to just do something fun. Go to a sporting event, or a concert or do something outside if you can. chat with some new people to take you mind off things. or even look for a support group for people going through a divorce if something like that exists. Find a friend to do have soe fun with.
You sound like a good man and I think you can probably start over again. Your wife is avoiding you because you are a wreck right now. If you get your act together, become self-sufficient, regain your confidence, I’m sure-if she’s not crazy, that she’ll let you see the kids again.
At least you’ve gotten that far-some of us like me are dying of being single and alone. I have friends/family but it’s not the same thing as having someone you love. But my standards are very high since I used to date very attractive woman and I just can’t settle for someone ordinary and I’m not as attractive as I used to be so I’m in a bind.
As for your incapacitated state, isn’t there any family member or close friend that could help you? Perhaps you can hire a nurse or something till you heal up from your injury.
What’s happened is cruel. Things can turn out so cruel…
But two kids growing up without a father is the cruelest it gets.
If for anything, live for your children.
Even though I lost my father to suicide I still respect how you feel. I understand it because I feel it too. You either have to decide to start over and try really hard to find happiness again or decide to give it up. I walk the line of that decision often and find I don’t have the energy to try to be happy. You sound like you’re in a lot of pain if you would like to talk more about it please reply and we could email. I wish you luck..
I get this pain. My ex-wife (whom I didn’t love) is keeping my children away from me, and they are the ONLY reason I have to live. So check that off. Then, finally, after years of piss-poor decision making in relationships, I find “the one.” I mean, like any human being she has flaws and our relationship had some rocky times, but I adored her like I’ve never loved anyone else. But, because I’m a perpetual fuck up, she no longer loves me and is leaving me. No kids. No love. Shit job. A lifetime of failure after failure. Hell, I even failed at suicide when I was 16 and was “saved” after I had already checked out. It just becomes too damn much. People will say, like they may with you, you’re killing yourself because of one woman. But it’s like in the cartoons, where they’ve stacked so much shit up, that a simple feather is all it takes to make it all come crashing down.