Life Is A ***** Right Now!

I wish and want things within my life to get better, but for somehow they just continue to get worser. I have Borderline Personality Disorder, Insomnia, Generalized and Social Anxeity Disorders and a long list of other problems I dont care to list. I’ve been suffering from Depression since I was nine years old, I also started self- harming at this age. I’ve been thru alot trying to recover and cope with the issues I have going on from day to day. It s taking a tow on me, and  I can’t seem to focus on anything else besides my issues. Hate my life and Hate the world around me , because theres so much destruction and violence in both. I listen to alot of metal, which can help me take my mind off of some of the craziness. Basically, it helps me to dissociate into another world that’s has some type of reasoning and order. I do use alcohol and weed as well to keep the worrying and sleepless nights at bay, but its getting to the point now that im feeeling theres nothing here for me to stick around to. I feel I would be better off dead. I dont have anyone I can trust or can talk to. I feel alone and most of all I feel so empty inside and want to die.