so i finally thought i overcame everything, but lately i felt the need to cut, i have cut out of desperation
i had an argument with a friend causing me and my partner to break up and causing her to break up with my friend,
things were said people where hurt and it hit me… i already felt dead inside… thoughts in my head “this is what you done, its your fault, your no good , everyone better of not knowing you” ect … so i went downstairs got a box of pills and took 24 paracetamols hoping id never wake up…
but here i am …. the following night about 12 pm i had my father shouting in my face ” your worthless, the amount of guy friends makes you look cheap and thats me being polite about you , your just that lazy typical teen , lazy ****, waste of space” i could continue and as i went upstairs in tears i could hear the mumbles of my parents talking about kicking me out , i was shaking , fear and anger had overwhelmed me, under my pillow i had another 42 tablets as obviously 24 didnt work, i pooped them all out of the foil, then i heard my niece and within that second i stopped myself and got a hair clip pulled off the safety thing on the end and just slashed my arm until it was soaked in blood and it was numb, my dad then decided to come into my room shouting in my face again … i didnt sleep until 4am i was terrified still , then at seven am the time my dad gets up for work he woke me shouting yet again the same things calling me over and over….
since this ive been forcing myself to stop cutting but it helps, i no longer feel like these words can hurt me as im hurting myself.
but i just feel so empty, ive only spoken to one of my friend, he doesn’t understand, i am self conscious of myself like any other teen girl this friend just keeps saying my parents are reacting because i am attractive to guys, that i am pretty , but that doesn’t matter when my own parents think im just getting with any ol guy that i meet. im definitely not that type of girl it just hurts they think that of their own daughter ,
my sisters on the other hand are shocked they said that because growing up i was the odd one out , i was the tomboyish one , i find it easy to befriend guys.
this took a while to write and it is rather long i am thankful to the people that took the time to read this
4 comments
Is there someone like a school councilor you can talk to about how you are being treated by your parents. Very sorry for what you are going through.
I’m not a young teen, I’m seen as a young adult, i study at college but we have finished for the year
I wish I could give you a hug, so I’ll just hug the screen! I personally wouldn’t know how it feels being yelled at constantly by my father, but you sure sound like a strong person. On the note of befriending guys, we’re on the same page. I’m sure my dad wonders why most of my friends are males too but he knows they look after me! Cutting yourself is such an easy escape that it feels good and its hard to get out of. I believe that all those negative things your dad has been calling you is not true, use those words as motivation to not only prove him wrong but become a better person. I hope things work out alright, take it easy & don’t be so hard on yourself. Its gonna take time, but know we are going or have been through the same things (:
He never was like it, my mum put thoughts in his head, and he really isn’t in a position to judge neither is my mum so it could just be their guilt making them snappy