So im sequoia.
my fight and my story might not be as bad as yours, but sadness is sadness. depression is depression. there shouldnt be a competition of who has it worse. so if you’re gonna tell me my problems arent shit, get the hell out.
anybutts,
Hiya c: im a 13 year old girl.
8th grade.
with depression
severe anxiety
and a fucked up family.
soooo here’s my story.
aye you sexy butt hole (;
wtf is wrong with me cx.
srry anyways,
it started when i was 7. my parents were in the middle of a divorce, and i didnt know it at the time but my mom was addicted to drinking and smoking. she always used to put me in bed, and then go outside to ‘ talk to the moon ‘
when she was really drinking. anyways,
her and my dad lived across the street from each other ( i know wtf. ) and my mom came over once with a broken leg from trying to break in to get me once, and started banging on our door. it scared the shit out of me & i didnt know wtf was going on…next thing you know my parents are fighting. like
physical.
then tht ended .
next,
( sorry its hard to focus so lets skip to third grade )
so i moved to another school bc my dad got full custody and we moved in the devils house ( my step mom )
and it was pure hell. i was made fun of bc my race. im white and mexican. so what. suck a pineapple if you have a problem with that. (:
nd yeah i got made fun of for my clothes, and what i did and stuff and i was alone .
but it didnt really affect me but now you know…
thinking does shit.
( sorry for my language ._. )
basically through 3rd-6th grade i was made fun of. and part of 7th.
then junior high…
sevie 😛
i hung out with the ” nerds ” but i met some ” cool ” kids.
i started to hangout with them and they really did change me.
but at first, none of them liked me bc i was weird…i admit it i was a creep cx.
but tht changed. and im glad it did.
they called me slut, whore, ratchet, ect.
but i didnt care. now i do.
i started to learn about it…it started to hurt….to the point where i couldnt eat, sleep, or even cry.
no one knew what was wrong. i kept it all in because i was afraid. i didnt know what to do or what to say. i was worried about what they would say to me all the time. i’d think, ” are they right…? ” i’d start to believe it.
thats when things got bad.
i remember my first time i self harmed.
i was in the shower shaving, and crying at a comment on instagram,
i saw my razor’s blades. and thought about cutting for the first time. i was scared, but i took it, and slashed my wrist twice.
i let out a sigh…it felt amazing. i felt happy.
thats not good ._.
so i started cutting with blades out of the razor. every day.
before,
after,
during school.
there was no end.
people started to notice blood.
i never washed my cuts clean bc i wanted to see it. i wanted to see the damage i had done.
someone finally took my arm, and they saw.
it tore them apart. i could see the pain.
it was my friend i’d known since kinder.
she started to cry.
alot of people started to get worried…
god knows why…
but yeah.
then things got a bit more bright.
i met someone…
lets call him dildo mammoth cx
so i thought dildo was hot asf. and i had a major crush on him.
we started going out. and it was amazing. i felt so happy. he was everything..
then we fell apart.
fuck, i didnt know what love was
i didnt know.
we stopped going out, and stop talking.
months and months later, to about two months ago, he asked me out again.
i said yes like an idiot and we dated for three weeks .
until he started asking for sex.
i finally realized what he had wanted this entire time, i wasnt important.
he didnt love me,
he did love my ass tho
and my boobs
and yeh..
three weeks i attempted suicide..
i got a trip to the hospital.
i got picked up at school bc i did it in the morning and i told the counselor.
she called them and when we were driving away,
dildo was walking to second period and he was all i saw, he was the last thing i saw before they carried me away.
no one knew it was me at first.
no one knew i was the girl who attempted.
i posted on ig, it was me. and i wasnt scared.
and i got 3,000 people commenting about me.
people from the high schools in my town,
junior highs,
family
friends,
kids
everyone ” cared ”
well guess what?
lies…
do they care now.?? hahaha nope,
since then ive attempted 12 times.
n o
o n e
k n o w s
( :
and thats how its always gonna be.
soo yeah.
bye cx.
9 comments
I’m trying to understand, why do you want to kill yourself? Was it over the guy who just wanted you for sex, or people posting their hateful comments?
I think one fundamental issue with teens-I know cause I was there-is that you desperately want to fit in and be accepted.
Maybe you thought you could win their affection by hurting yourself but it just leads to pity. When I was in high school, I didn’t realize the low opinion people had of me-people who I didn’t think much of either…which is ironic that they think they represented the cool crowd when they were fucking idiots.
But I chose the friends I wanted, including nerds and I think they judged me for that-but I always liked science/math, etc so naturally I’d have friends who’d share that interest. At the same time I was very athletic as well so they didn’t exactly know which box I fit in. It actually lead to some funny consequences but that’s an aside.
My biggest problem was that I let myself down. I became insecure-realizing that I didn’t measure up in some ways to others, because we were lower-middle-class.
Sorry I got a little carried away about myself. I think you should seek help. Where I live, mixed kids are very common and sometimes sought after. My nieces and nephews are mixed white and Indian…a rather beautiful mix if I might add.
You seem like a sweet girl and to get back to the point I was making originally, delete your Instagram, facebook and other social media accounts. They actually to more gossip and hatred. Also you will never get the approval you seek from “the crowd” because the crowd is made up of insecure, petty, scummy losers who are rotten to the core.
Expecting love from them is like expecting love from a pack of rabid wild dogs. Begin by loving yourself and bringing people into your life that are healthy and support, not mean and back-stabbing. Hope my advice helped…and please stop hurting yourself. Do or do not-there is no try as master Yoda said. I think you want to live or you would’ve ended it already-so you are risking serious self-injury and potential lifelong suffering from failed suicide attempts.
My friend’s father was in a car accident and he was completely paralyzed-he couldn’t move, talk or even blink. He was like that for 9 years until his wife finally pulled the plug. What I mean is be very careful with your body-you don’t want to end up like that.
Sorry about the typos in my post above, it’s 330am and I’m not thinking too clearly-bedtime. But to clarify, I mean my father’s friend (not the other way around).
thanks c:
and letting you know,
things have been getting better. i dont get bullied as much.
and my ig and fb accounts are fine & i am in therapy
thank you again (:
@lifeless.love
You’re welcome and that’s good to hear things are improving for you. Personally I’d still suggest to stay away from your social media because if you are sensitive to the opinion of others, then it can be destructive for you. I don’t use them myself for the same reason. All the best.
You’re very gutsy ll, and you have attitude. You express yourself so well and so succinctly. Wish I’d had a fraction of your wisdom when I was young. I’m so glad you’re feeling better.
i hope you are ok now, your story made me sad. You are really good with words and writing
thank you (:
you are just a kid.. a teenager
and being a preteen/teenager is hell.. been there done that survived it and you may not believe me or anyone else but i can guarantee it gets better.. stressful maybe.. it will suck at times for sure.. but it gets better… ending your life is not a joke.. its not undoable.. theres not going back.. no second chances..
everyone has their problems and it isnt a competition on who has it worse.. life gets depressing sometimes.. and maybe yours is just a little bit more depressing but killing yourself is not the answer.. death is never the answer
its heartbreaking and tragic and a huge slap in the face to anyone who cares about you.. its incredibly selfish and cowardice ..
From what i read you seem like you have such a fun personality.. i hope you continue to fight your depression and anxiety.. and find some help.
im here if you need someone to talk to!!
I worry daily about becoming like dildo and hurting someone I actually care about. Your problems are bad and odds are they’re going to get better in time. I also know that it’s going to be hell until then. You just need to tough if out. Yes, I’m perfectly aware that the previous sentence made me seem like a douche, but hey, I’m a guy and that’s the best advice I have. BTW nobody cares about the language I encourage it. I’m a freshman so I know what it’s like.