Hello.
I’m not quite sure where to start off, but I feel so useless; as if my existence had no meaning at all.
You see, I started to cut when I was around 15 years old, and the people I loved just kept using me. I felt so ugly, and worthless, and continued cutting. Thing is, I stopped cutting for a while, but I had to do so again, since I had depression again; this time with suicidal thoughts.
I was about to kill myself, when this wonderful guy appears (he has loved me for around 1 year and a half) and suddenly makes everything better. And you know, I can feel my emptiness, but it’s like he just fills me somehow. For 7 months we’ve been together (from a distance tho, because we live in different cities) and I honestly feel so happy to have him. Even better(?), he has passed through the same things that I have, so we understand each other so well.
So as you see, thanks to him I’m a happy person…but he’s quite not. Even though I love him so much and I stopped cutting myself for him, he somehow doesn’t feel like I love him. He’s been like that for like a month now, and it makes me feel so insufficient. I know it’s not his fault and I’m not leaving him, I’m sure he’s my soul mate. He’s a really good person to me, but I can’t seem to make him feel my love, and he started to have suicidal thoughts again.
On top of that, I’m about to enter University, but it’s so hard because my parents want me to study here, and I want to study in another state. They don’t quite know that yet (I still don’t have the courage to tell them so), but right now I’m skipping a semester and they’re so mad at me. They always scold me when they have the chance to, they’re so close-minded.
I don’t have many friends, since I don’t like to talk to people…
And my purpose in life is to make my boyfriend happy, but I can’t…I feel so useless.
Have a great day:)!
2 comments
Why Do You Feel Useless , Someone Needs You , & I Know You Dont Like To Talk To People But Id Like To Be Your Friend ,
Sometimes people tend to distance themselves in times of extreme sadness/despondency. In those times, when they contemplate suicide, they tend to alienate themselves to “save” others from the sadness of their death. Maybe he feels as though he’s subpar, or flawed, and as a result he attacks and views himself a failure? Someone not capable or deserving of receiving love? Tell him that you love him, and that regardless of the circumstances, you’ll be there to console and be apart of his life. Plant the seed, and let it take root. I believe that when you do that, he’ll reciprocate the love you give him tenfold.