Black Atheist

I’m a 19 year old college student in brooklyn and I’m amazed I made it this far but I feel like 19 years of life is enough. Over the years I felt like I was born to be hated for the color of my skin and my beliefs. I ask my parents, why bother having a kid, just to have him or her life doomed from the very start? I was raised from a christian background and not once have I found anyone to seriously talk to about any of my troubles for all everyone thinks is ” I’m just seeking attention ” or ” put your faith in god ” like that’s really going to do anything. I’ve been called a devil worshiper, ******, & everyday just seems like a pointless reason to wake up just to have the names stir in my head all over again. My mother doesn’t want me in therapy because she doesn’t want anyone to think she has a crazy child, she has a stupid reputation & my friends ” I don’t know if I should even call them friends ” just brush what-ever I say off like they really don’t care. I’ve been keeping all these types of emotions for way too long and even attempted suicide twice. I’ve came up with yet another method but really don’t want to act on it, I somewhat still have some hope left that all my worries will vanish.. but the more I think about it, the more it seems like false hope. Life just seems to be in favor for certain people and others to just rot and I curse my parents for ever bringing me to existence