I was once a nice sweet guy, great sense of humor, a tad weird, and a self proclaimed romantic, I am 45 now, never had a true relationship, only had one woman in my life I ever truly loved.
I lived in Massachusetts all my life. And over the years in my search for the love of my life, I have found that from the time of birth women have been told that men are pigs, scum, and jerks, etc. On the other hand women are supposed to be the sweetest things, sensitive and caring, affectionate creatures.
I tried many tactics to entice a woman’s attention, from personal ads to dating services, bars, dance clubs, book stores, supermarkets, you name it, I’ve been there. Even on the train, on the street. One thing has never changed, the wealth of SNOBBY women!
No matter where I’ve been, the plan was simple; SMILE! And say ‘Hello’. In almost EVERY ENCOUNTER the result was that:
(1) she completely ignored me, turned her head in the opposite direction than me,
(2) she made a sigh or a grunt in response,
(3) or she gave a look that could most likely mean how dare I say hello to her!
Now I have been told I am negative, but how does me being negative EXCUSE these rude women of Massachusetts? Another example you ask? I was at a news stand and I noticed a cute lady reading a women’s magazine. I noticed the article she was reading was titled: ‘How to attract today’s man’. So I worked up my courage and said ‘Hi there.’ She looked and me with blank eyes and went back to her magazine!
How about this one, I had to put change in parking meter and 3 cute ladies walked towards me. Did I say a form of greeting, you bet ‘Hello’ I said, one gal grunted. And all 3 kept walking. And I’ll bet you money they were out for drinks later and someone had to have complained, ‘I just can’t seem to find any nice men!’ Ahh if only she had said “hi!”
I think you get the picture of what I have had to deal with in the past several years in my search for female companionship! You cannot honestly say it’s all in my mind.
Now we have dating services out there ready to help themselves all geared to help ONLY women. Women get to call phone chat lines for free while men have to pay anywhere from $1.99 and up a minute. We have bars that offer “ladies night”We have dating clubs that women can join, no fees, and no obligations. While men have to come up with $2000+ in some cases!
Now for some reason some women are still complaining there is no equality among the sexes! This much is true, men are getting railroaded, ripped off in the dating game big time!
Of course you may argue, ‘Not all women are like this, you’re stereotyping all women on the acts of a hand full’ Ok, I grant you that one I’ve only been single all my life and been looking for love for ever 12 years. Your right, some women are not that rude. Some women know that playing hard to get is a big mistake because they would be alone forever if they were that rude, they may know deep down they have to offer what they can. I’ve been told I should LOWER my standards and look into dating these women, and so I did!
We have dating clubs that women can join, no fees, and no obligations, while men have to come up with $2000+ in some cases!
Now mind you, as I lowered my standards, my goal became simple, find a woman I can ENJOY being with! Not too hard right? Let me see if I can remember the women I met. Obese, bi-sexual, looking to experiment, freaks with glow in the dark hair, body piercing and excessive tattoos, one gal wanted kids MORE than a relationship, women who are more concerned with popularity than taking care of their friends who need them, one woman confessed before we met on the phone that she had herpes. Ok that’s enough. I want to be able to go to sleep tonight!
I just start laughing when women I don’t like start trying to give me guilt trip “Maybe you should lower your standards” or “You shouldn’t be so picky.” As if I had NO RIGHT to be happy! Now, for the record, am I bitter? Yes, am I angry? No, I am disgusted and disappointed. But I think you can see I have just reasons. As with all problems, before the solution can be found, there must be AWARENESS of the problem.
I pray someone out there has been listening, it would be a crime to the word if the problem got worse, there is no place anymore for women who play hard to get when shy men are afraid to say ‘hello’ or risk being accused of sexual harassment. Where women only talk to arrogant men and ignore the awkward guy in the corner. There are good men out there ladies, you just got look and listen!
35 comments
Well its probably an issue everywhere, but you did mention Massachusetts specifically so maybe you feel like New England is disproportionately full of conceited snobby women? I don’t know, I live in California but it seems like what you describe is pretty much the stereotype for the east coast and the north east most of all. Arrogant stuck up women who would probably just say they are “discerning or sophisticated”. Well if you have already come to the conclusion that there are no decent women in Massachusetts [which is probably totally accurate] maybe look outside of that area.
Some men may be pigs, but I think we’re more like dogs. Feed us, play with us, rub our bellies, let us hump, and we’re happy.
Speaking of dogs, the east coast is more concerned about pedigree.
Women aren’t necessarily sweet, and not all men are jerks. I’m sorry you haven’t been able to find anyone, but if you greet women at random times in random places… Yeah, it’s likely that they would just keep going on their way. You’d have to approach them in the specific *environment* where they are ready to meet someone. Have you ever gone to a park and tried talking to chicks there? The key is to act natural and relaxed, and find a girl who also feels fairly relaxed. If she’s distracted she won’t notice you.
There are lots of dating websites that are free, have you tried OkCupid? I used that in the past and met some nice people. (I went on a few dates but didn’t want to commit to a relationship at the time.)
Remember, not every woman you meet is even looking for a guy. Maybe she’s married or has a b/f or g/f already. Maybe she’s happily single and doesn’t plan to change that. Not everyone *NEEDS* to have some kind of p*rtner. So don’t take it so personally. I think you need to work on establishing common interests with a potential romantic interest. If you develop that basis for a friendship, show them that you genuinely like them as a person, then perhaps you can take the next step and go on dates. What I hate about “the dating game” is that it’s such an artificial process. I’d much rather meet somebody I find attractive, take it slow-ish, and see where it goes from there. If I can’t connect with the person I’m on a date with, since they’re a stranger I just met… I tend to lose interest quickly. So I think that building camaraderie is important if you want more than a one-night stand or short fling.
hey, i’ve lived in massachusetts my whole life as well, i live very close to boston 🙂 pleased to meet a fellow mass-hole
Haha, okay first off dont let anyone ever tell you this is solely the result of you being bitter — its not. Everything you are hinting at is real and true.
This is the way western society is, and is heading. We live in this “princess” culture type society where women are being elevated on pedestals.
Men are horny bastards, so women always had that edge or power over them in that regard. However, in past times men had a lot more say and authority, and women were more controlled.
Since they were suppressed in the past, they typically can get away with more now. Similar to black people pulling the “race card”, women are given special treatment. You know the bias, a man in many situations takes more heat from the law than a woman now. Simply due to testosterone, strength gap, etc. Though things get twisted and feminism and equality seem to convienently come into play when its in their favor, and thrown out otherwise, like above.
But anyway to your point. Since we can no longer control women as much, nor can we physically intimidate or discipline them like men would in the past — they have changed because of this. Honestly it seems a lot like little kids who dont get disciplined properly and start to get bratty and think its okay.
Women know they have a *****, and that is really their entire edge and the reason behind why they can control men. They know this and they exploit it.
Men are turning more and more “beta” and ***** whipped because there is no longer any reprocussions for a woman who acts out of line. Thus a feedback loop occurs that alters a mans personality (A brave dog who gets beaten and beaten and cant fight back will eventually break and become a coward)
I see this at bars a lot. A guy will approach a girl politely, “hey can I buy you a drink?”, the woman knows she can get a guy any time of day because of the “*****” and our western culture. And heres where the bratty out of line kid comes out in her. She says something completely rude to the guy like “fuck off”, “puts her hand is his face”, “walks away”, etc. Granted some girls are nice and will make an excuse like “I have a boyfriend”, etc. Not all girls are pricks, but they will probably all get there as men get worse and more desperate, and the culture gets worse and worse.
Now what can the guy do? If he gets mad, well, now hes reactive and youll have 6 girls yelling at you going bat shit. Can he hit her? No, he will get arrested, thrown in jail, probably get the death sentence (exaggeration for point). Though I will say he shouldnt be able to hit her even if there were no reprocussions, but there is a point here why I am mentioning this.
Now on the flipside, picture a dude in that same situation. First off this almost never will happen for a guy because of our culture and the reasons above. However, even if you are really good looking, girls will approach you, though even if you’re ryan gosling you still have to essentially “win her over” with your savvy dialoge or else she’ll get bored and walk away. Theres another hot guy only a few feet away that will gladly take her ***** at face value. Unless you meet her quota, your discarded without much thought.
Anyway so the girl approaches the guy. The guy does the same thing the girl does in the other scenario, “fuck off”, “hand in face”, etc. Now what do you think happens next? The girl goes apeshit, swearing, yelling, slaps the dude, gets all her girls to gang up on him, drink in face, starts punching him, etc.
Does the girl get arrested for punching the guy? No, it is dismissed, doesnt matter, etc. So the feedback loop kicks in. Girls realize they can get away with this shit and there is no reprocussions so they get this complex like a little kid that can get away with whatever he wants. Tuff biatch.
Where as a guy goes through the same feedback loop in the same situation where he can’t do anything when a girl treats him terribly. So in turn he ends up becoming passive, wimpy, low self esteem, he just takes it like the cowardly dog.
The process repeats in different scenarios and the feedback loops effect starts to change their personalities over time.
In the past women were more loyal, the culture was less mischevious and slutty. People were more concerned with family, livelihood, surviving. Everything is so superficial and materalistic now. Before a man with a good job was considered “enough”. A women wouldnt hit a man or go apeshit, because they knew a guy would hit them back. The downside was that men are stronger so if they hit them back it might get out of hand, therefore a fear feedback loop was stronger in women back then. However, now we have gone the complete opposite end of the spectrum. A women can hit a man no problem, but a man cant hit back. Thus the feedback loop of fear and supression in the mans court now. We bounced from one end of the spectrum to another.
Lol this is a joke, however, allow men to hit women back with equal force and I bet they’d stop hitting them in the first place.
Take this example: I can remember in highschool, some degenerate “ghetto white girl”, walked up to me and slapped me as hard as she fucking could, and then just laughed with her friends. I didnt even know her, she was just bored and high. Nothing happened, what could I do? Tell on her? Maybe shed get detention, and I’d get more harassment later for snitching. And Nobody outside, guy or girl cared, so I sucked it up and walked away.
Now can you imagine what would happen if I did that to her (with equal force)? She would be in tears (because it was a hard fucking slap), Id have dudes attacking me saying “you hit a fucking women, whats wrong with you!”, I’d have other girls attacking me or yelling at me for the next 6 months, I’d probably be arrested to. The school would suspend or expel me for hitting a girl.
Wheres the equality?
Funny enough I saw this girl 4 years later at a club (she never knew me, so she didnt recognize I was the same person) when I was 230lbs of muscle, tanned, good looking, and she was a complete sweetheart to me.
You think thats right, or okay?
10% of the men get 90% of the women, how true that is. I was in the 10% when she was a sweetheart to me.
So ecause of our society they have no reason to change themselves for the better. We went from one end to other, why is balance so hard to achieve?
So anyway due to all this there will always be a guy (in the 90%) who will put up with a womens bullshit simply for the “*****”, out of fear of never getting any again if he doesnt. And they sure as fuck will continue to exploit this.
You make some good points there, even if i don’t agree with how you depict women (i’m a guy btw), and what you tell is not so far from the experiences friends of mine have had (and some i’ve had, but i don’t date much, i’ve had a couple long term relationships and that’s it). And yes, not all women are the same but what you describe does happen, same with men. In that sense i kinda understand their thinking (even if i don’t like it) because why would you want real equality if you can get preferencial treatment any day and still plead for equality to gain more advantages? i think only a few people would stop if they had the cake and could eat it too.
See? I’m not the only one saying it.
So guys are allowed to be assholes but women should be kind and submissive all the time, no matter what. A dude hits on a girl at a bar, she doesn’t find him attractive, but out of the goodness of her heart she should allow him to come home with her, because she has lots of options and he apparently doesn’t. Makes sense.
“…balance”
I’m unaware if you’re a female or a male.
lol, no. Not what i read or promoted. Sort of a bizarre reactionary extrapolation you got there. 🙂
In fact, it’s pretty much the exact opposite of what you just said: guys are not allowed to be imperfect, but women are encouraged to be cunts. Obviously some guys are nearly perfect, and not all women are cunts, but there are stats and reasons behind stereotypes.
The guy doesn’t know the girl finds him repulsive until he tries to initiate conversation. Yet he is often publicly shamed for even trying, as if he should have just assumed she would think he was garbage and not even tried.
Don’t insinuate that i’m promoting entitlement; i’m not. In fact, that was my first thought when i began scanning the OP: we’re not entitled to affection from anyone.
The fact is: what rancid explained is not false, even if it doesn’t apply to absolutely everyone. If you know you’re not “top-tier,” you should assume that competing with top-tier specimens in public is probably not going to work.
You’ve gotta find someone who isn’t predominantly shallow and superficial, with whom you share mutually appealing compatibilities. If you start by filtering out all the girls who don’t look how you wish, you’re most likely going to eliminate the potentially compatible ones, because the aesthetically gifted, birds of a feather, tend to flock together.
Idk. I have no idea about any of this stuff. All I know is that I have unconventional taste, in both men and women. 🙂 I appreciate good looks but like I explained in my earlier comment, I need to establish chemistry with someone before I would consider being in a relationship with them. I prefer people who have a unique *personality* over anything else.
“…I need to establish chemistry with someone before I would consider being in a relationship with them.”
And you’re right in that regard: relationships should not be based on aesthetics. But if someone refuses to discover anything beyond a person’s less appealing aesthetics, it only proves that they prioritize physical features over anything involving “character.”
The difference is: those of us with limited options, don’t have that luxury. Instead of prioritizing what we want in a mate, we have to prioritize finding a mate who would tolerate us. That’s a huge discrepancy between reality and how it is misrepresented by the biased.
I’ve seen lots of couples where I think the guy is unattractive but the woman is totally smoking hot. (By the way, these were couples who didn’t have a lot of money either, so the girl wasn’t just a gold-digger.)
Do you know why she liked him? Probably because he was kind and thoughtful, and truly wanted to form a genuine bond. If a man acts like a woman is merely an object for sexual gratification and doesn’t care about actually becoming friends with her, he can’t expect that women will treat him well either. (I’m not implying that you do this, but I know it’s a common scenario.)
Some women and some men will never be satisfied and no one will please them, but other people are just searching for a kewl companion to hang out with. If you’re going to fake everything you can’t ever be expected to go far, but if you think… I like this person, they like me, and I believe that knowing them will enrich my life… well, it might be easier to get a call back for second and third dates.
Honestly she could have been broken, hurt, drug addict. You have no idea if she will leave him, cheat on him, etc. Or what her intentions were for getting involved with him in the first place.
This case is also an exception to the rule — it doesnt happen often. The fact you remember and are bringing it up as a point proves the scarcity of this type of a scenario.
Yea not ALL girls are like this. But more and more are getting like this. And men are getting worse and worse. Just look at dating sites and see the desperation on the male side of things. I explain why thats happening/occuring.
Also you’re missing the point. The men who aren’t “treating women as merely and object for sexual gratification”, never will get a chance. Again I explain why.
* Obviously the above goes both ways for any gender. A woman could easily treat guys, or other women, only as sexual objects as well. These involvements usually only work out for a short amount of time, which is why one has to demonstrate more respect if they want a serious relationship.
and really… everyone’s “allowed” to be assholes if they want. But it’s not necessary to behave as i’ve seen some women behave, in response to receiving an invitation from a guy they don’t think is good enough.
Part of the reason that so many women continually insist that all guys are assholes, is because they’re only chasing the top-tier, top 10%, and those guys are used to having an unlimited mate selection pool, so they don’t value each person as highly as, say, someone who never gets any. This type of thing works both ways: top-tier women tend to have impossible standards, and often, anyone below their “dream line” is treated very poorly. Is it all of them? Surely not. But it does happen, and is easy to see, if you’re not blinded by your position on the matter.
Those with wider and more diverse selection pools, value each potential selection less than those with smaller and less diverse selection pools. It’s kinda like how the filthy rich think a single dollar is virtually nothing, while a person making minimum wage for physical labor, will cherish every penny.
My latest comment was put into moderation. I have no idea why…
I didn’t read all the comments (since i just woke up and i’m a bit fuzzy, i hate waking up) but mostly read your post and… couldn’t avoid to laugh a bit while doing it.
I think your experience has been an extreme one (considered to the ones me or my friends/people i know have had) but just wanted to say it does happen. The misconception of guys being pigs and women being princesses is there, not all women think that, but some do, and at least in my case, the ones that do tend to “indoctrinate” the ones that don’t when they have the opportunity.
In that sense i’ve always had a problem regarding equality, and i think i’ll always will, since even if i’m well behaved and polite i treat people like what they are: human beings, regardless of gender or condition, and that to me is equality. When i’m in a relationship i worry for the other person but i don’t treat her like royalty, i treat her with love and respect but i have boundaries, why? because i don’t expect that same treatment for me. Funnily i was called out on that one once and i was told “if you ever find another woman i hope you are man enough to treat her right”, and that’s the funny part, i never hit her, never cheated on her, made mistakes like everyone (i’m not perfect and well damn aware of it), but the one who disrespected me more was her (either by insults or putting herself on weird situations).
From that situation i connected the dots on something a friend told me around that same time: “some women don’t want equality, they want preferencial treatment with all the freedom while still retaining control” (he said most, not some, i prefer to be a bit more positive about it), Now, i know not all women are like that and i’ve met a few that surely are not like that, but even the overall world condition plays a big part there. If you see people around you get a lot more behaving in a determined way and you have the chance of being part of that… why wouldn’t you behave similarly, it can’t be bad right? if others are doing it?.
Also, the “saying hi” part of your post made me remember a situation, i was outside talking to a friend and a couple of guys/girls passed by (some lived on one of the near houses i think), i think they were heading to some party or something and one of the girls (real cute one btw, i think time stopped for a while) said hi and smiled (i don’t know if it was directed to my friend, me, or both). My friend stood surprised and so did i, the girls that were with her laughed a bit, and god forbid, i smiled and replied “hi”… and i was stared by her friends like a chauvinistic pig.
And sorry for the long ass answer, realized i wrote way too much when i was at the end, lol.
@Rancid Why are people so caught up on the idea of their S.O. leaving them? If that’s all they worry about… it’s going to become a “self-fulfilling prophecy.” I don’t understand why people can’t just enjoy the present without worrying about the future – after all, the future is largely unpredictable.
And yeah, anybody wants to feel like their romantic interest is sexually attracted to them (unless they’re asexual and not into sex), but if you see someone ONLY for sex, and don’t take the time to get to know them on a level of friendship (but more complicated than friendship, of course), after a while they’ll get bored and leave. You gotta have common interests, you gotta have something to talk about. If two people have nothing in common except “She’s so hawt!” “OMG he’s so good in bed!” it will never last very long.
And personally I think that couples shouldn’t become physically aggressive, unless it’s in a context of BDSM and both parties mutually agree to the terms they’ve set out. (Usually this is safe and doesn’t involve anyone being seriously injured.) So I don’t support women hitting men for no reason, nor the opposite.
Sorry to reply to something that isn’t directed to me but a part of this got to me. Some people get caught up on their S.O. leaving them due to the same thing: constant leaving of the people you thought you could have a future with. That’s not their fault and expectations might be the culprit there, but after a while it gets tiresome to keep building relationships only to see them fail, so you achieve this “why bother” mindset.
I can sure relate to that since i’ve always been the dumped one, i’ve never ended a relationship so far, and even if i keep no resentments against my former couples (it was their choice and they did it for a reason, you can’t force anyone to be with you), i have to admit situations like that really mess with your head and self esteem. Maybe that turns into a self fulfilling prophecy like you say, but it’s hard to avoid when you have been through the same situations over and over (even if you tried learning from your mistakes in order to avoid it).
@M; I understand if they wanted to settle down and have a family, et cetera.
Idk. Don’t mind me. I suppose I think differently than most people as I have an alternate kind of lifestyle. I go with the flow and refrain from making elaborate future plans. (I don’t ever want to get married or have kids and all that.)
Yeah i gathered that much from the comments, and i’m not that far from that either (living differently and avoiding future plans), it’s just that a couple of people made me reconsider that along the years, so i can see why once you are in that mindset and they leave… well, you just think every other relationship can go down as well :D.
@ Persa “Why are people so caught up on the idea of their S.O. leaving them? If that’s all they worry about… it’s going to become a “self-fulfilling prophecy.” I don’t understand why people can’t just enjoy the present without worrying about the future – after all, the future is largely unpredictable. ”
This comes off as a question so I’ll bite. They are worrying about their S.O. leaving them because it is human nature to cheat, lie, etc. Eventually we may all overcome this, but until then, that is why. Yes you’re right, paranoia leads to problems either through your own personality changing, or your intent causing the problem to actually happen as well. Too be honest, people who are generally worried about their S.O. have other problems going for them. When someones life is actually in balance, as in they are excited for everyday life, and simply fascinated in the world we live in, they become humble and happy. Paranoia over an S.O. isnt a concern anymore. People need to look inward.
Why is the sky blue? Why is water wet? Why do we get hungry? Because that’s just the way it is.
*Inserts 2¢ coin*
My greatest weakness stems from emotional attachment and that in itself proves to me that I’d be incapable of a romantic relationship, at least until I can work through this. I know we all get attached, but for me it shuts down my higher functions – sort of like if the Soviets had launched decapitation strikes on the States and rendered them docile to their demands etc.
It turns me into an idiot and my instincts become that of a sappy, lovelorn 12 year old. How I am now – unattached and a lone wanderer (how I suspect I am always meant to be) – I can function like your bestest friend and support you the best I can, because… [SELF-REALISATION ALERT] Holy shit… I’m a NSA type of guy?! OP – thank you for opening my eyes to this, I’ll save some tapioca for you.
That doesn’t mean I’ll pursue a woman just so I can butter her muffin and so forth, but that I much prefer not to bring feelings into it. Personally, I blame Venus. I guess it pays not to bring forth emotions from the get-go or even perceive how it will affect you from the start. “…just go with it”.
Try talking to ‘less-attractive’ women, ones you dont favor in the looks department. Talk to them in a bar or park… Women have been programmed to hate men.. Just see that feminism bullshit. Alot of things have been explained by rancid, clevername. I wont suggest long distance relationships. Sometimes they work but they make people sad, they may spend alot of time apart. And the long distance and not being physically able to do things together. Expensive too.
I don’t see how either gender is programmed to dislike the other. Personally I’ll only put up with people who treat me with respect; I have no tolerance for anything less than that. I’m not afraid of being alone so yes, I have standards. All I ask from anyone is that they genuinely like me and enjoy spending time in my company, are nice to me and are honest with me without following double-standards, and I’ll treat them the same. (As people I’ve known in the past can attest too, you do NOT want to become my enemy.)
I can easily talk to anyone I approach, but it doesn’t mean I’ll have chemistry with them or that they will like me, and that doesn’t bother me. I’m not looking to score, I’m just trying to be friendly. Perhaps if you’re desperate people will sense that. It’s better to be relaxed, positive, upbeat. “So this cute girl seemed nice but she didn’t give me her number. No sweat. I’ll just keep doing my thing.” You have to stay optimistic or else you’ve already given up before you’ve begun.
or go to asia, but travelling is expensive. Bad suggestion
tbh persa, you are probably NOT like the girls I was explaining. Though you should be able to see what I mean.
It’s not “the whole gender,” it’s people born into various cultural and social constructs. “They” indoctrinate everyone they can reach. It works on most of them, but also they can’t reach everyone. Some of us are highly resistant to mind-control techniques.
“…fool enough of the people, enough of the time…”
Bad guys and bad girls are both bad.
^ this, what they said. My post sounded biased. Sorry.
…never been a party to “Asian Persuasion” bar one case, but she’s more the exception than the rule. Interesting… May I ask why you suggested Asia? Wouldn’t you prefer a icy-cool, free-flowing Nordic beauty; a French infused, hip-swaying Tahitian; a petite, lusciously-lipped Spaniard; or a “she’ll be right, mate” swandri-wearing Kiwi chick?
Just curious, and OP – there’s some suggestions for you. Mass’ don’t sound all that good.
Some parts of asia are cheap to travel around.(e.g thailand) Some guys find them attractive. Im female … I am probably going off some of my fathers experiences. South america might be cheap too. Europe isnt cheap i believe, not sure. Norway is expensive. Really. Only know because i know someone there. I shouldnt be giving advice on this. I am not a guy. Nvm
The dating services in San Francisco charge the women three times as much as the guys. Sometimes the men get to join for free, because there are so many women in these groups already. Maybe you should go there.