I have friends traveling out of the country, going to the beach, road trips, enjoying summer and life, having summer romances, Having great summer jobs and internships. I am just here sitting on my ugly, single and fat ass sweating bad enough that its dripping down my thighs, with family drama all around, broke as hell cant find a summer job that will call me back for an interview, So I cant really travel anywhere, I am miserable as hell in my online summer classes to the point i want to jump out of my bedroom window. Someone please just put me out of my […]
It’s just too much and I just feel sorry for myself and I want it all to end. I want to see the sun shine again. It’s been so long since I sincerely smiled. It’s been way too damn long since I felt things I could understand, since I was genuinely happy. I don’t want to be who I am. I want these thoughts to stop. They’re just too loud. I miss the times when I was actually confident and didn’t hate myself so much, the times I wasn’t so body conscious, the times I didn’t criticize every single thing I do, the times I […]
I’m reaching out for help. But I can’t find any. Cutting gets worse than ever before. And this feeling of hopelessness and grief as well, my anger is out of control but my parents in contrast desperately to control every single thing in my life. I’m getting crazy here. I need to change my damn surrounding, buy there is no way I could…
I just found an article about a 13 years old boy that died close to where I live. The article was sketchy and seemed to be leaving too much out but had no trouble describing the boys mother holding his life less body rocking back and forth in the ditch. At first I thought maybe he got hit by a car….but the article would have just said that, why leave that out? I thought more on it, the kid killed himself. I found another article that confirmed it. The whole article was deeply disturbing as it described how the kids on the school bus saw […]
In the long hallways
there’s talk of love and hate.
They look down on those
who don’t look ‘right’.
Always beating them down
with such bitterness and
There’s mobs of liars
and masked monsters.
Never knowing the world
In the long hallways
they’re all looking down
and she’s looking up.
The one single angel.
I’m not very sure why I made this account, but you all seem nice enough. I don’t have a bad life. I have loving parents, an annoying brother, and many friends that love and care about me. So it isn’t really fair for me to complain, right? But every single day is filled with anxiety and fear that I will do something wrong. I am a perfectionist and someone who worries a little bit too much. My hands are shaking as I type this because I fear that it will be something that I will regret starting for the rest of my life. Oh. How […]
I lost my soulmate.
I loved her with all of my heart. We’ve known each other for five and a half years and we were best friends. It was an online relationship and we were young so we weren’t serious about it. But a few years ago we realized we could really make this work and so we tried. We stood by each other through thick and thin, through the stress of me having a job and graduating high school and everything. I felt like I had the perfect future because we promised each other we would go to the same college and work in the […]
This is my first post. I hope its not my last.
Hmm..well..its hard . Waking up every single day. Going to school. Coming back home. And going to bed again. Going to sleep , at night.. is scary. Because you know ,then you’ll have to wake up tomorrow. I just feel like im done. Not that i dont have anymore strength left .but that i have no will left.
Really got no reason to go through each day. I hate going to school. Sitting there, among the same people. And feeling disconnected. Meh. There’s just a friend, whose presence keeps me […]
God I was hoping I wouldn’t have to get this out, but it occupies my thoughts every single day so I have to do something about it. I suffer from social anxiety, which helps me on making friends (ha sarcasm) but I really want to meet new people, and I try SO hard.When I do try to strike up a conversation people just look at me weird and laugh! I’m even nice to people but they treat me like I’m garbage, or a mat to walk all over on.Why even try! I have a few friends, but they don’t know me. They don’t know what […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Hello again. I’m glad that there were so many welcoming comments. I think I will start to post daily now, just to feel better. You know what I find funny? How open you can be with strangers. Often I throw out random hypothetical scenarios to people to see what they would say. “If there was a five grenades on the table and only one was live, what would it take to make you pull a single pin?” Often I would get answers like all the money in the world or all the knowledge in the world. When they would ask me I would say maybe […]
I feel like a proper idiot posting this but I don’t know where else to ask this and I know I’m going to get judged for it no matter what but I’ve been having really bad insecurity issues with my physical appearance. I feel like it’s the reason no one likes me, people judge so solely off of looks sometimes, is this why I’m single? Because I’m unattractive? It just fucking sucks and I hate the idea of plastic surgery but it might be the only thing I can do. I know, there are bigger problems, but this one has been getting at me the […]
I know it’s not just me that has problems and I’m pretty sure my problems are so small in comparison to what other people have to go through every single day. That’s what makes me feel so guilty every time I cry at night about my life and my wish to just die and leave everything and everybody behind, especially those I love. That exact guilt is what stopped me when I tried to dehydrate myself and yet I still feel guilty, for betraying myself by not actually passively killing myself.
I’ve just started using this site so I’m not sure if anyone would know my story, but if you don’t here is the detailed you might need to understand the rest of my rant.
A year and three months ago, my lifelong best friend committed suicide. Since then, I have fallen into a multitude of bad habits, bad treatments, bad situations, bad moments, and really, just an overall bad life. All the friends I had left when she died. The only person I have right now is my boyfriend. Also, you might need to know I’m a cashier. Like I said, please excuse my rant and […]
Been a long time again. In 25 days I will be in London looking for a job and stuff. Up till then I have nothing to do. Nothing. I have no job. I just workout. My days are so boring. Sometimes I walk my dog, I love him, he is so playful, he makes me happy and laugh.
On the suicide front I think I have made a progress. I think less, way less then before, but I still have thoughts. I have a […]
When I was younger, I was also a lot happier, because I had no worries about what could happen next, I never thought that not paying attention in class leads me to being really dumb and unable to graduate and therefore find a job. Even if I do, for what? So I can just keep paying stupid bills and doing the absolute same thing every day just so I can live?
Every single stupid decision I ever made my life harder every passing day. Every single fucking one of them, I regret them and there’s no way I can go back and change them, it’s just […]
Ok, for those of you who have been wondering, I was able to piece together the following timeline regarding sportsnut. If any of you know more than what I’ve found here, please share, so we can stop wondering/worrying.
On Easter Sunday, he sent email and text to some of us saying that he was thinking of ending it. The one he sent me arrived at about 5:30 eastern time. I didn’t end up logging in that day until about three hours later, so I didn’t get to respond when it was still new. I responded when I saw it, but he never answered.
Also on Easter, he […]
What do you do when you live in a world that requires you to have green paper with dead presidents stamped on it in order to survive?
What do you do when everyone around you has been brainwashed and conditioned to think the way society considers “normal?”
What do you do when you are the only one that notices that slavery never went away? For it has only been transformed.
What do you do when you can see exactly what people are thinking when they look at you, and have faces of disapproval when you do not meet their expectations?
What do you do when every one you’ve ever […]
Im so alone i have no friends at all not even online friends, ive had some online friends but that was a while ago. I cant remember the last time ive connected to anyone irl. I dont have very good social skills irl and im fucking shy as hell. Ive been in school since oct and have not made a single friend. I miss those 1 to 1 human interactions its so hard to go on everyday