I was deep down there

I am a depressive person, My first suicide attempt was at age six and all I wanted is peace, never have to feel again.
Depression it’s not sadness, but lack of vitality, a suffering so huge over anything so little to anybody else.
I grew up to become a chemical-pharmacist and treat myself and I want to say I been reading you guys and know many of you think you may not actually get to suicide and just come here and read and post because you feel like it; like waiting until you feel so fucked up that fear and doubt are gone. Believe me, that day comes! And you are still on time, I’m not asking you Yo try, but to get a shrink, just do it.
what you have its not a minor issue, it’s a utterly serious disease and requires medical attention, what can you lose?
If you need to talk my email its Jaime.fab93@gmail.com