When I was little I had 2 sisters, and one mom. The hardest thing about all of these things are that I could of helped them by maybe not even being born. It’s so hard to look at other kids, teenagers or something. I have a bad life because of all of the things that were exposed at the time. I blame my self that she went down because of me. We had literally nothing to do but lay down somewhere and keep warm or even cold. I want to see her so bad, It hurts a lot, I’m lost and confused. All I ask for is that I can see her, I want to help her, no matter what she’s in. I want her to be happy. But I’m scared that she has another family. I wouldn’t be able to stay happy but just sad for periods of time. I am so scared that she may be dead or even in jail. I am so lost, I am so confused, I can’t help her and that’s the pain I have to deal with. I sometimes cry my self to sleep. My parents now can’t even relate. They say how good their sisters, brothers or anyone are better. I argue all the time that they would stop doing what they do best, sticking up for each other. saying they can relate. I get bullied at school all the time. They make fun of me for all that’s wrong with me. I have turrets, and that means it’s hard to deal with because sometimes I can wake up in so much pain.. I want to join the Marine Corps so much. I can’t let my mom go ever. She went through all this stuff due to me, and my 2 sisters. I would do anything to see them. Or at least a chance to try and find her. I want answers because some bad stuff happened between her and my dad. It makes me so upset, I just wish I could of done something more.
When i’m at school girls won’t want to be friend me, or even date me. I don’t know what to do. I could runaway but the question is where or even how.. I have very faint pictures of her in my head. The hard part of dealing with all this is that you have to pretend it doesn’t hurt you when they talk about it. I have to create a hard face that doesn’t care. The inside hurts all the time. I would of stayed with her, I should of, But i was so little I had no say. How do people that have a kind of good life say oh your just being dramatic. People that actually know their parents are lucky. They don’t know what it’s like to be given up against your will. I just want to see her is that to much to ask for? I deal with bullies, drama, sadness. I pray every chance I get, to ask for my mom and sister to be safe. I just don’t want her to have a better family than we had before. Consequences of being give up. I mean come on I wanted to stay with her until the end.
People at school mock me, make fun of, just for the fact that their are to many flaws with me. They know I don’t have real parents. I want 1 chance just one. I’m so depressed because of this. I don’t tell anyone how I really feel. I hide it, as best as I can. My parents now want my sister to be kicked out, I told them if she does, I do. I can’t deal with losing someone else. Why couldn’t they let me stay. And was my mom crying or even worse balling out. I lost everything, I am alone, And my sister knows she is too. I have a picture of my other sister, and I look and see, I then right away, saw, sadness in her eyes. Why couldn’t we stick together? Why did they be like that. I know their are others feeling this way. I wish I could talk to all of them. Maybe when we’re together we could be a bit happier. It’s all of my fault, i could of been a mistake for all I know. How can people be so happy for doing other things. I know they have to feel it too. I swore to my self that, if I don’t find her, I will do everything I can too, I want to give her a big hug for at least an hour. But as my parents say it’s a fantasy. I just hope she’s okay. If she is i’ll be very happy, and if she’s not i’ll help her get better. I love you mom, That’s all i’m gonna say
1 comment
Don’t give up the search. It may be a fantasy but some people, get their fantasies turned to life. Why not you? Don’t take what other people say so seriously. Honestly, people are the worst thing on this planet and dealing with stupid or mean people is just the curse that we get for being alive. It sucks but between all the shitty people you’re not looking for is a mystery person who may be overjoyed to meet you. Or maybe someone who doesn’t want to see you again. Think about both sides. I hate the “think positive” line because it forces you to try to believe a one sided story. Believe you can find her, but don’t lie to yourself and say that you know how she’ll feel when you see her- if she’s found. Look to yourself for happiness. You can’t look out to the world because to strangers, they’d prefer we be road kill than to help us out. Help yourself.