I was doin good for a little while or … Well it seemed so… I dont think I’ve ever been “doing good” i dont know. Does anyone ever just feel like they are living some kind of joke. Some kind of fake thing. Life to me is kinda wierd. I’m not in control of my own mind/habits/thoughts and that in itself scares the shit out of me. My parents really have gone the extra mile for me. They provide me. Safe haven while i try to regroup myself and im 28 so its embarressing as hell. They try their best to encourage me. Im a second year apprentice electrician. And wAs doin well but hadn’t had luck with employers as of late. Been experiencining some workplace bully stuff. Well my mind told me that anyway really i think i could have handled myself better but Ive been so sick and I’m just tired.I’ve been fighting the urge to do away with myself . I was really bad for a while but I’m lonely . I have no friends anymore and feel really alone. I dunno. Just feel kinda beaten
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Nice to hear your parents are helping. That’s a key ingredient. Electrician is a great trade to learn. I was a printer for many years and that trade is falling apart for many reasons. Being an electrician and keeping up with all the advances, electronics and stuff should be great for you now and in the future.
People, co-workers, bosses and employers are hard to get along with in any field. People are people and that’s the hardest part of living, I’m discovering.
I understand what you mean by embarrassing. Please don’t let that get to you. I had my worst year ever, last year, and for about a month, was no more functional than a small child. My dad took care of me. Made sure I showered, ate, took my meds. It was mortifying.
I’m back on my own now, but still scared to be honest with my family because of last year – I’m afraid they’ll overreact, or that they’ll worry, and I don’t want to be the cause of it.
Your story sounds a bit like mine. Be stubborn, hang in there. Keep talking. It’s a small thing, but it seems to help. It is lonely, for me, but outlets like this forum really can help. Take care of yourself, and hold on to hope.
I definitely feel like I’m living a joke and that everything around me is fake and unreal. Often I think about how much control do I really have in my life.
Thanks guys appreciate it.
anonymous_colorado you really did have it like i do now eh. Im in a way glad to hear im not the only one. The small child part really hit home. I kinda feel that way too. It sucks . And yeah it’s like the longer it goes on the more used to it they get then when I’m well enough to get back out there . They’ll be all worried and I’ll be worried etc etc. its hard man. But thanks appreciate the comment
I’m sure there’s places over where you live that can help you find work.