Just now getting the chance to read your comments and they were very very beneficial to my circumstances, I feel that I need to do it for some reason. I guess to prove a point that just resulted in me throwing up in two of my classes. This website has been a safety net for me since I first found it, even though I just started posting on it. Ive been up here for a while, just lurking in the shadows but it feels like I actuallly have a voice and people take the time to listen to what I have to say. Even though […]
I actually want to leave my entire life story here, so for the ones who care:
The first of February, 2001, i was born. People were happy. People said they loved me and how adorable i was.
I actually was a happy kid and it seemed to go all good ways with my life. Untill..
…We moved to another city. I have a very dry skin and i talked a little different from the kids there. Nobody wanted to come near me; they thought my skin condition could kill them or so. I know it sounds pathetic, but as a 7 year old, and a new one, its […]
It seems like for so many people, relationships or family is what keeps them alive or gives their life meaning. I’m kind of the opposite, though. In my adult life I’ve never gotten much benefit from close relationships. Eventually I tend to feel trapped, or burdened by their expectations. And because I’m so hypersensitive, the inevitable squabbles and conflicts can be excruciating for me. So I get very little of the good and all of the bad.
At the same time, I’m not immune to loneliness, as much as I wish I could just go live in an abandoned cave for the rest of my life. So it’s always […]
I see my therapist on Friday, and I haven’t done anything I was supposed to do over the last few weeks before our appointment. It was all anxiety-related stuff, and I haven’t even given it a second thought. I’ve been too preoccupied with the building anxiety over the voices and Bree instead.
I think it’s safe to say the weird mood I’ve been in for over a month has completely and utterly dropped. I can’t even remember what it was, but something made me snap the other day and I’ve felt awful since. Or maybe I’ve just slipped into the depression-side of this hyperactive episode – […]
I just started a new job and I feel like i’m struggling to get on my feet. I’m struggling to find a new therapist and psychiatrist that accepts my new insurance. I’m struggling to just breathe. I just broke up with someone and while it doesn’t feel like the end of the world it still feels awful. I’m feeling all sorts of ways. I feel sad that I feel useless. I feel upset and frustrated that I can’t end violence against trans people or against people of color. I know it’s not all my fault but I’ll stay sad till we’re all safe.
From what was essentially a pretty good week, not including a slight double up of meds, things have really taken a downhill slide today. Woke up thinking about feeling very dark and very quickly progressed into fantasizing about the big leap. Had to catch a train to get dosed at my clinic and was picturing myself kissing the train. Now im home and its still there. Worse than ever. I know it has alot to do with been alone today but I dont want to be near anyone. That would just remind me of my difference to everyone around me. So im […]
I still can’t believe what I am doing. Looking for help in the Internet? In the past I’d probably just laugh at such a stupid idea. Instead, I’m here telling you how hopeless my life has become and how hard I’d just like to have a forever rest from everything. I wish I could not live. Who asked me if I wanted to live? I was just born. That’s not fair. Well, anyway, I just want to say hi to everyone. I’ve read many of your posts as I’ve been considering this step for a long time and finally I’m here. I’m impressed by your […]
Had such a terrible day today. I’m really upset right now. So what do I do, proceed to get trashed. I don’t want to feel anything right now. The day started out just fine and my mood was pretty level as well. Work then kicks my ass and I have to remain calm and collected at work considering I care for people and all. I get on a group I don’t know but that’s really no big deal or so I think. A few hours in anxiety kicks in. My routine is off, I feel as if I have no clue what I’m doing. Then […]
I swear my head feels like the fucking bomb in Enola Gay…
I got buried in over my head in appointments, deadlines and the likes during these last few weeks.
Coupled with that never-ending nostalgia feeling, it gives me sudden sharp pains in my temples.
I was literally one step away from having a complete mental breakdown today. I woke up, and as soon as I noticed the dawning sun on the early morning sky, I started crying… Instantly. I bashed my head against the bed several times until I spent the only bit of energy I had at the moment and just stayed like that for a […]
I was just reading “I Was Here” and they talked about this website. It introduced me to it and honestly: I’m glad.
Safe place to talk? YES PLEASE!
Safe place to talk WITHOUT JUDGEMNT? I wish I found a place like that before now.
Ive read some posts you all have made and I know I belong here, which is sad. It makes me sad that we’re sad. Why is happiness so hard to find? Can’t it be as easy as it used to be? What happened to the world that suicide rates and depression/anxiety rates have increased dramatically? But a slightly more important question I personally should […]
When I’m faced with an uncomfortable challenge in life, I’m always afraid I might fail and I’m usually even more afraid that I might succeed. The only safe option is to not try, so that’s what I often do. That’s why being depressed makes me feel safe, because I know I’m not going to talk myself into taking any risks. And it’s not like I have any life goals or (realistic) dreams that might inspire me to overcome those fears. When I dig holes for myself, I tend to want to stay there.
I fear failure because, well, disappointment and rejection suck. I fear success because […]
Wow the last time I posted on here I was 14! I’m now 18 and I can’t really say that things are better. Well since 14 I’ve attempted suicide 2 and cut myself on numerous occasions.
Heres my story I’ve been with my current partner for 14 months and it hasn’t been the greatest at all. He severely bashes me and makes me feel like nothing. He never trusts me and always calls me names I don’t feel loved or safe. I live with him at his parents place with his brother and sister also and they never seem to do anything when they hear me […]
I feel so lost inside myself. Everything hurts. My emotions hurt. They’re so intense to the point where it’s hurting me to feel anything. I can’t breathe. I hate it. I’m not in control of myself properly anymore. I have to listen to the voices now. I haven’t been to college all week because they said it’s not safe. I left the house for the first time in days today because it hasn’t been safe. I’m so afraid of everything all of the time. And I hate it. I hate living like this. I hate myself. I can’t cope with it all anymore. I don’t […]
Make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world. I want to feel wanted. I want to feel something other than this dread right now before I start to tear myself apart from the inside out. I’m begging please on my knees. I’m not in a safe place with my head. That part of me is starting to cover me like a cloak. Soon there will be nothing left again. I’m not ok. I keep on spiraling. All these memories of happiness flooded my brain and all at once turned depressive and negative. I’m eating myself alive.
Dad yells at the girl “get in here *****” and the brown haired girl walks in and looks at her father. “Why are you such a fuck up, why are you still here and why the hell are you not making money?” the brown haired girl is hurt. Does he not see everything she does? She has a job that pays for food and clothes for the blue eyed boy and she keeps him safe and she goes to school and makes straight A’s despite having no time for anything. Shes here only because she has to help her brother. But she looks him in […]
I hope everybody has safe and good night. And I hope to see you here towmorrow. 🙂
And Im happy to meet everyone on here .
I have never claimed I have OCD. That’s because I know how severe it gets for people. But some things I do are based off fear so bad that they prevent me from doing anything or making decisions–
On Friday I was sent to the E.R. for suicidal thoughts that were persistent. The night before I spent hours trying to find and decide what socks I should wear. I spent an hour (not exaggerating) telling myself that I shouldn’t wear the only pair of socks I found– grey socks.
I just felt it was wrong and would cause problems. I was so anxious during the night about […]
This will probably turn into a rant or something, oh well.
I’m terrified of everything. The voices won’t leave me alone. They want me to do things, and I know I’m going to end up doing them. They want me to jump from a bridge, or a building, now. They say bad things will happen if I don’t. I don’t want to hear them anymore. They scare me.
I still haven’t saw my doctor, there weren’t any appointments last week. I don’t know when I next see my therapist, and I see my psychiatrist on the 12th (the Angels haven’t been saying she’s much of a threat […]
Did anyone else ever have that (day-)dream by being adopted in an animal family?
I had that strange dream….running away from all of the human pain..finally a group of wolves adopted me. I could hear their thoughts in my mind, and vice versa. Wild animals took care of me. I was allowed to be part of the wolf pack…I was allowed to lean on to those amazing animals during the night, in a cave…safe and warm…and the animals (not just wolves) protected me from men, whenever they tried to get me. I felt warm. I felt safe. Like a little child, growing up […]
I’ve been here for a few years now, but on and off. My life’s been a rollercoaster really and I’ve been through all sorts of good and bad things. Eventually I would hit a low point, where I really would feel like there’s nothing left for me. The triggers would be different every time. Things always change and that’s so stressful.
But throughout the years, every time I’ve returned here to share my feelings or read others’ stories; this site has always been here. And it looks the same now as it did on my very first day. And there’s something special to me about that. […]