It’s 6am here and I’ve been awake since 1am. I go to bed very early and love to get up and go on the computer during those blessed early morning hours when the rest of the world is asleep. That’s pretty much the only time I feel anything approaching to contentment and relaxation these days.
I’ve yanked up the pep pill dosage and have been rewarded with a little window of enjoyment. I know it will quickly be replaced with the anxieties, frustrations and despairing thoughts that every day now holds for me, so I might as well make the most of it.
My elderly ma is relying on me to choose her a new computer, which is a little overwhelming but with help from my geeky ex I’ve managed to find the best option I can.
I absolutely hate how in this consumer society there is a crazy amount of choice. And few things feel more utterly alienating to me than scrolling through thousands of different brands and types of computer, totally bemused by the ‘specifications’ and with the kind of ignorance that is anything but blissful.
I picked out my own computer with minimal stress, but getting one for ma I just want to find the best to make her happy or at least not cause her too many headaches.
This new computer is very likely to outlive her in terms of useful years. My brother was going to get her a used one, but he was too busy to be bothered, and I told her she should buy new, then I offered to pay for it. My own desktop computer is such a central part of what I laughingly call my life…and she may find many uses for it as time goes on. Her friends have all watched ‘Breaking Bad’ so she is keen to get Netflix and watch it, lol.
I promised myself that when my mum goes I will be free to go too, and I have the means to kill myself painlessly and as ‘peacefully’ as self-murder can ever be. I also have a son to consider, though I virtually never see him and we hardly talk. But that may change. And I *should* stick around to (maybe) see it.
Tempted to apologise for the rambling, unanswerable post, but I do too much of that so there we are.
1 comment
Even if it’s unanswerable i’ll try to anyway haha. Technology can drive anyone nuts nowadays. It’s like they build 500 products to have “variety” so everyone can pick one, but they alienate more people with so much choice (but still, they create more jobs while needing sales people who know about all that stuff). In that sense, if your mom is older, you can do perfectly fine with any computer you get, since mostly all brands are assembled from pieces who don’t belong to the manufacturer (outsourced) so brand differences are few. In my experience you’d want to avoid HP/Compaq (bad air flow design), and Sony is getting out of the computer business so i assume support is going to be bad from now on, other than that… any modern computer will do (i assume netflix like you say, and light computing usage). My mom uses a computer that is 10 years old and considers it blazing fast so… yeah.
And i agree, it is relaxing to have some quiet time while using a computer at hours where nobody else seems to be awake, and it does help me to endure the days (i made the promise to keep on going until my mother is gone, so i relate to that). It’s like the world stops for a little while.