For years now suicide has always been an option, slowly becoming more prominent in my mind. All I want is for all my pain to end, the countless nightmares from a past that I brought upon myself. Failed attempts litter my life, with the pain of always being second best and always ending up in stupid scenarios. Having planned out every step of how I plan on ending my life doesn’t help any more, My mind so cloudy with doubt. I know I want to end my life but due to the failed attempts I find it harder and harder to be able to, it makes me feel so much worse about myself knowing that every little thing I do is never good enough, even to end my own life. I have everything ready but for some reason I just cant fully bring myself to try like I have before. I need help but don’t know how to get it. I need a friend but have none. Loneliness is taking hold, I just need everything to end.
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We will always be second best to our greatest expectations of our selves.
Failure is only temporary till we reach the next failing point, it’s the little successes along the way that make life worth living and keep us going. That and a perception into a future we see our selves best in.
Loneliness doesn’t have to mean a life lived alone to never be whole. It can also mean to be a singular entity in the lives of many, but separate from the aberrations of all others.
Take those steps necessary to walk the path you see yourself on…and don’t look back to death. Cuz it will be there if you look for it.