I am not ungrateful for the aid they provided me with. I am not ungrateful for the compassion they showed me. I am not ungrateful for messages they tried to send.
My incapability to be ungrateful has made me surrender to the guilt of being apologetic.
I am so sorry for all the time that was wasted in your attempts to fix me. I am so sorry for having taken up a bed for someone that was potentially in a more crucial state of deep despondency than I.
I do not fear dying.
I fear what I am leaving behind.
My loved ones, my future, my pain.
Yet I simply cannot carry on anymore. I am so sorry. I am so sorry that I be so weak within reality. I dream of a life free of hurt – I see no other way than through the demise of my existence.
2 comments
I read you are not afraid of dying…. To me this equals freedom… Perhaps you will be willing to help a few of my furry friends that are being tortured? I believe their fate is much worse than death…. If this interests you, check out animal liberation front and their links to vivisection of primates… Or maybe you will help save ancient trees… Or child sex slaves? Me & my friends need all the help we can get & you sound fearless & not busy….
sorry to increase desperation……but i have thought on lines of helping others….but then i think….I dont owe anybody anything……and then i think……if i am incapable of handling myself …how will i be able to do good service to others…and at last i think i was not here by my own choice…but i can make the choice to leave..though karma-philosophy would differ..(but i dont believe in it)