HUMANITY IS FUCKED

My life went to shit in my early 20’s after my mom had turned my dad into a psycho and i thought he was the bad guy until i realized what an evil human being my mother is. now i am almost 30 and Her being evil has ruined my life in so many ways i cannot even descibe the anger i feel thinking about it. I had a great childhood and never had any extreme hatred towards my mom until after they divorced and my dad kicked me out of his place for not having a job and stealing a bit of money which is no good reason to kick a good person out especially someone with no criminal past and a whole life ahead of him and thats the day my life basically ended. Here i am now 10 years later alone, alcoholic, tried suicide with no success, countless horrible memories, criminal record for all sorts of stupid shit, angry, sad, and jaded with a huge desire for revenge against those who have wronged me but know that will never take away the pain so the anger will remain. And during these horrible times the realization of how shitty humanity is is the worst part because i feel like it will never go away and i have lost my happiness for ever. I have tried believing in god but deep inside never truly believe because all the shit i go through and see around the world makes it impossible. i do not see any justification for so many things. Anyways back to when i got kicked out my dads. I vowed to never speak to him again i was so angry and i mom took me in to live with her and from then on I learned daily what an evil witch and awful human being my mother is . she is one of a kind i promise she has figured out ways to be evil and frustrate me and be horrible to me and others in ways i could not have even imagined. The only reason i dont have so much anger towards my dad anymore is realizing that he had to put up with my evil mom before she left him and he became very angry and depressed and i think somewhat took it out on me kicking me out so atleast i can somewhat understand his side and i know deep down he does have concern for me…My mom on the other hand knows she has driven me to the point of suicide and is so evil she will try to use it against me. After moving in with her she drove me crazy everyday and i would try to hold a job and i would for the first couple years even though i was getting more and more depressed by the day. Why didnt I just move out ? Because by the time i realized how evil she was it had effected me so badly that I never was able to keep myself with enough money or with a job long enough to be able to support myself for an extended period of time…i would move out than always have to go back to loving with her or asking her for money when i was moved away….Its very hard to explain everything it would take forever but to sum it up I went from a non criminal with good grades and lots of friends to an alcoholic that cant even hold a job anymore and huge anxiety issues…I have spent quite a but of time homeless on the street after that evil ***** would kick me out which when it first happened was really the starting point of going from a drinker to an alcoholic…I would create more and more problems for myself at that time being angry and not giving a fuck and drinking myself crazy and not remembering anything and just praying i didnt do anything horrible the next day many many times until one day a group of street people said they were gonna kill me and i can only assume i pissed someone off while i was blackout drunk and now thats another long and painful anxiety ridden part of my story and if it werent for quick thinking i am sure i would be dead right now and i would much rather kill myself than be murdered by people. So now not only am I in so much pain and hurt and been treated so horribly and already exhausted from life I have to worry about people murdering me on top of that…I really do think I am cursed and believe me I have no idea how all this happened it blows my mind . I am a good and smart person and the only thing that created all this to happen is this horrible socitety, these horrible human beings i always get stuck aroung, my horrible evil mom who has caused a chain reaction of so much suffering and panic and running and hurt and hopelessness i actually wish i could kill her alot of the time and trust me i am the least violent person you could meet and i aboslutely detest violent people. Anyways thats a summary of my life and how I hate humanity and wanna get out of this shitty disgusting world filled with so much evil. I have lost my smile completely and my anger wont let me cry. It really has been an undeserved torture that noone can really understand but me and i am forced to live in this hell. Conclusion, soon I might have the ability to move to a different country and start over and that is the only thing that will make me put up with living, I have decided I need to move far away from my problems that now seem to follow me and give me hatred and worry and severe anxiety. I would have killed myself already just like many others if it was easier said than done but i am still here like many others from just not being able to get it done right. The stress my brain has gone through is incredible. I have no friends and only thanks to welfare do i have a place to live currently. For along time i have been planning my death but now it seems i might be able to move far away in awhile that has now become my main focus and really the only thing making me okay with continuing my worthless existence. I am trying to not have to be suicidal which is the scariest worst feeling in the world all though at times thinking about it is a sense of relief and for me would be a nice fuck you to humanity. But if i am able to move far away and just exist i would be alot more relieved so I really hope it can happen and everything doesnt go to hell again like usual. So anyways i could go on forever but i will leave it at that for now  just felt like ranting to get some shit off my chest now that i have a slight bit of calm and hope in my life for the first time in years. If i do finally move away to where i wanna be it will be the best moment of my life since i was a kid and the idea of it is the first hopeful idea i have had for a very very long time. Just knowing that there are alot of the stressors constantly on my mind that will finally be gone is reward enough for me. So moral of the story humanity fuckin sucks i think its bullshit that people have to be put in such horrific life situations that they would wanna die but all you can do is try to set up your environment and living arrangements as beneficial to yourself as possible where you dont have to deal with anyone you dont want to and all this horrible stuff in life isnt just gonna keep piling on and you actually get some control in life. I gotta be the KING of my world is what i decided and believe me without a little luck it wont happen becuz much too depressed and mentally fucked at this point to fix my life without a bit of good luck. So I hope my plan comes to fruition and i can stop being so terrified of being alive but i am glad i my life is finally in a position to make it happen and as far away as i fucking can to somewhere peaceful and nice.