I always have this urge, to hurt myself 1 way or another. But it’s always in my mind.
Before I sleep, I’ll imagine falling off the stairs, or even getting some mildly serious disease, enough to the hospital. On worse days, this’ll morph into funeral services for my own, or just methods in which I die and there are people around me.
Is it meant to be this way? This is my way of dealing with life? It feels so wrong, yet it sparks a feeling of warmth, love, peace and a sense of fitting in.
It it might seem superficial, but it’s my own way, right? It’s wrong. But, it feels so right. What DO I do?
Sometimes I’m tempted to follow through the situations visualised. Hurting myself this way. It’ll help the pain, the hopelessness, the emptiness within me, the neglect lest something happens kind of feeling.
I’m sorry, but I’m just me. I’m sorry. I don’t know.
2 comments
I think about hurting myself too but like you I never do it. I don’t like to hurt. I don’t want to hurt myself but I feel like I deserve it.
Don’t ever apologize for being or thinking a certain way. No one knows what’s really good or normal or decent anyway.
If it’s a good way of coping then yeah, I guess it’s fine.
BTW I love your name :v