Is it weird?

Is it weird that I want to die? I don’t really know if it is. For about a year I’ve been debating my life. Do you want to die or do you not? I do want to die. I want to die because I am socially awkward. I want to die because I have no future. I want to die because then the pain would be over. But I don’t want to die because then the pain would be over. Is it weird that I enjoy crying every night, that I enjoy my heart aching every second, that I want to die. I am full of confusion, and so it’s hard to make a decision like this. I don’t need/want you to tell me that the decision is not to do it. I don’t even want people to tell me they feel the same way. Because then that doesn’t seperate me from the rest of you, it doesn’t make me special. That may sound weird to some, but it’s the truth. I just want you to tell me if it’s weird.