You think I’m fat? Cool. You think I’m a loner ? Fine by me, love the comment. You think I’m ugly? What wait….sorry I was looking for a fuck to give.
It amazes me that people could be so cruel and uncaring towards another person. They whisper and point, my mother always told me pointing was rude as was bullying. It hurts honestly to hear what I already know. I guess the words coming from someone else’s mouth hurts a lot worse. I look in an reflective surface and immediately I feel self conscious.
I hide it. Laugh it off and joke around. It’s not that hard, lying isn’t either. Maybe I get lying from my dad, it’s an easy thing to do. My friends, sorry I mean friend, she doesn’t notice. I can be jokey and distant, hiding my true emotions.
I’m on repeat. Just keep my head down and go through my day. I had only few people who I brighten up when talking to. They’re drifting and it’s hurting. I feel like a shell of who I used to be.
What do I do anymore? I’m lost.
7 comments
I’m going through the same thing ATM. I haven’t had people tell me I’m crap since I left home but I feel more and more disconnected from people as time passes. It sucks when you are not in the best place psychologically and not having people understand, give you crap and mask it as a joke. Sometimes I think its for them to displace some of the anger inside them so that they can get a relief.
I think your mom is correct, pointing is pretty rude but I can see why stressed out and angry people do it. I guess what we can do is try not to perpetuate the cycle and provide a place for others like us to seek refuge?
Maybe I’m just pulling shit outta no where with my comment ahaha.
Naw your fine, very well worded comment. Schools just a living hell in general. It’s hot as a *****. Judgement at every corner and the top devil treats people like crap but they still follow her. Thanks for the words though.
I don’t get it eh? I’ve got one friend that all my mates follow to the end of the world. They all know she talks smack behind their backs and she generally treats them like crap to their face too but they love her! Go figure.
And Rey. I never said you don’t understand. Popular girls are the worst and no offense since she’s your friend? I’ve just been used and abused by popular kids to much.
Nah bro I was saying I don’t get why people say that junk and pretend they believe it.
She’s only a friend cause if I openly reject her, I’ll lose all my mates that follow her around. They’re good girls, they are just really blind to how stupid she is. She’s fun and vivacious and I think they are attracted to that.
I’m not really very inspiring or good with words, but I’ll try my best.
What do you do? Honestly? Find out who you are as a person. If those friends are drifting away, maybe its for the best. Maybe its not. Find out why. Maybe you’re not the same person as before, maybe they aren’t.
But you know and I know that you’re a beautiful person. Not just on the outside, on the inside too. You kind, compassionate, respectful. The fact that what they say hurts you just shows how truly amazing you are. Because the people who distance themselves from others (I speak from experience) and don’t allow what others say to have any effect on them usually end up not finding comfort with anyone either forever or just for a very long time. But I guess it depends on the person.
But please, don’t ever give up. You are amazing and beautiful and passionate and unique and you’re better than every single person who’s ever made fun of you behind your back. So for me and for yourself, please don’t ever give up.
How do I cope with it? How do I what? I found that when I express my memories in a creative way they rise up and the bad ones numb away. Everything from texts to faint childhood clips. It’s the only thing that works.