I realise things will never get better for me. I’m a an ugly retard with no personality or talent and I have chronic mental health problems (borderline personality disorder, social anxiety). This life is futile, I’m a moron and there is no point to my existence. But how can I end it when there are people who love me and vice-versa? My aunt adopted me after my mum died and she spent years, $1000s, and energy treating me as her own despite my differences and what I put her through. I think it would tear her apart. But what’s the alternative? If I stay here I live in misery, I negatively affect everyone who comes into my life, and I’ll wear down my family until even they give up on me. I know in the grand scheme of things none of us matter, the universe will continue existing for billions of years and my death (and life) will mean nothing. But who knows what comes next… If you’ve experienced this consciousness what’s stopping us from being given another? Religion sounds like BS but maybe there is a Hell. How do people get the courage?