Today felt different. Not really a good or bad different. I went to work today as I had been out the last few days due to the fact I was not mentally able to go. Today was just a strange day. I did my normal routines, handled my normal business. I spoke very little. A couple co-workers told me I was a “bit off” today. They asked if everything was alright. I assured them everything was fine – from my perspective anyways.
The ride home from work was different too. The sun was well past its zenith, the shadows were long, a light breeze in the air. A little cooler than usual for this time of year too. I watched the leaves on the trees move slightly as the wind carried them. This still just felt…different. Over all it was just a day I can’t really explain or put my finger on what exactly I’m trying to say. All I know is, I will hopefully be free soon enough and that is a fact I find comfort in.
Had a couple friends text me asking if I wanted to hang out this weekend. Told them I wasn’t feeling well. My friends are good people. But I am a very private person, despite being out-going and have a social life fairly often. They don’t know of my problems. They don’t need to know. Not everything can be solved through talking or prescription drugs.
But what if I’m wrong. What if I’m making a mistake. More mental issues than you can count on both hands and feet. A chronic health condition that tortures me every day and has been for 3 years. I’ve looked at this thing from every angle to find an excuse not to go through with this. Every angle leads me right back to where I am. The future is bleak. For the world we live in. For even the goodest (is this even a word) people. I look forward to posting and speaking with you all here tomorrow as well. Take care of yourselves and listen to what is in your heart.