I saw an updated photo of my ex. I kind of miss him. I wish things were like they were before – when we actually got along. When we weren’t at each others throats. I loved him, and while seeing that picture of him today, I realized I still do. It makes me regret what I said about his mother that much more. I didn’t mean it, but it was still a low blow. He was mad at me at the time – we were fighting about something, and he said something that had offended me. I don’t remember what it was, it must have been something pretty horrible for me to say what I did about his mother. Things were never the same after that. How could they be?
He looks so much better than me. I know he’s a man, and I’m a woman. But I feel like if he was a woman, he’d have me beat by miles. I wish I had a photo of him. But I have another of me here for all of you to see. I feel like all I’m doing is running to my self-esteem team for an ego boost. But I like to think of it as a way to put a face to my username, and everything that I post.
Thank you all for dealing with me. 🙂
8 comments
Cute haircut. (: Sorry about the ex. Sometimes it’s easy to get carried away and say all the wrong things that you can never take back. *sigh*
Yeah. He wanted to be friends with me after we broke up, but it didn’t work out. He had told me that he was dating someone else. I tried telling him that I was happy for him, that I was glad he was able to move on. But he saw through my words, of course. He said something to me that has been echoing in my mind ever since. “You’d think I’d ever be able to love you again after what you said about my mother? Look, I thought we could be friends. I had been hoping that you have changed since then.” In that moment I thought if I couldn’t have him as my boyfriend, it’d be better if we didn’t have anything else to do with each other. I couldn’t do friends. I tried, and it was so awkward. So I decided to push him away from me completely. I told him then that I hadn’t changed, that I had meant what I said about his mother, that I hope she died the worst death imaginable. That maybe then his perfect life would be shattered, that he might even want to commit suicide.
After a long pause, he told me that he’d always remember that. I told him that he should never forget it.
I cried for a good hour after that. There’s no way in hell he’ll ever forgive me after saying such horrible things. After reassuring him that I was a no good *****. I love him so much, and I never want to see him again.
In crying, I was pretty much mourning him. He isn’t dead, but I died in his heart the moment I reassured him that I was a heartless *****. We’ll never be together again, it’s over, and I’m coming to terms with that.
Your pretty 🙂
I have a hard time agreeing with that. But I appreciate it nonetheless. 🙂
I understand what you’re saying. Sometimes relationships just have to end, and that’s that. I don’t intend on ever speaking to any of my exes again. Too much… history.
Almost a year after we broke up I did apologize to one of them (through email) for the way I had acted towards them, but I never heard anything in response. That’s fine though. I needed to make amends regardless for my peace of mind. They probably forgave me, they were just too scared of me to try speaking with me again. (Heh.) I like to think that I have learned from my mistakes.
Mmhm. I should apologize. What I said was just so final, though. To say sorry after all of that would be weird. I could tell him that I’m moving on, at least. He’s Japanese-American, which is like super rare in my world. It doesn’t make me love him any more or less, but it made him a sight to take in. I’ll totally miss all that stuff about him, but I have to move on. 🙂
I’m sorry for your loss. Mourning and grieving are such hard things to deal with, even if it was right for the relationship to end. No matter what we will always miss the good things even if the majority of relationship’s dynamics were untenable. I wish I had a magic wand that could make people like us move on.
It may be intangible for you right now but believe me you are young, attractive and if you can believe in yourself you will find someone that is truly right for you. Believing you deserve what your heart truly desires is the most important thing you can do right now – and I know how hard that is. But I hope you can hold on to that.
If you do, things will turn around.
-peace