What do you not like about SP? I’m sure there are aspects of this site that people do not like and why some people leave this site (other than being dead). What are your issues/gripes about this site?
Just wanted to share an interesting video- it’s short yet to the point, in the form of a cartoon. Only 3:36 min long.
The pain, forged by both fond memory and misery…
Like an old sports injury.
It used to be sharp and jarring-
Now, a sporadic shrug.
There was a time when I fought…
Valiantly, to become the unbroken.
But each chip of me grew smaller after each shattering.
And the world now seems to have lost its tape dispenser.
Clocks, aplenty though,
As they mull over and measure their minutes
Their support turns to spite, toughness…
We all grow tired,
Just in different ways.
But is the given that we will grow
Or that we can stand to remain tired?
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand’ring bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me prov’d,
I never writ, nor no man ever lov’d.
But I feel like I keep finding myself drinking more and more as time passes. And that’d be fine if there wasn’t this ever increasing desire to just keep drinking. I mean I had a few drinks about a week ago and as the week’s gone on I feel like all this jerking me around my life does has me just aching for it. Something’s gotta give here… either the bullshit life throws at me, or perhaps I’m subliminally asking for it or something, I don’t know, or my will to not become like the rest of my family members is going to break. And I know how that goes, I’ve watched it my whole life. Once that breaks once it’ll sate you and you’ll be fine for a while before it breaks again. Before you know it you’re drunk 24/7 and shit just gets worse from there.
Blah, I just need to vent and hope I feel better after I just get it all out there… honestly I wish I wasn’t such a coward so I could just end this damned roller-coaster ride. Some day man… some day we’re all going to die, and I don’t want every waking moment of this life to contain that here one day gone the next up and down of happiness and sadness. I should just know by now not to try to be happy. The higher you get the harder you come back down to earth. And my head hurts from re-entry all of the time.
A vent drawing inspired by the man that hurt me! Thank you for doing that to me boy! :/
Not finished with it yet, still working out details. Might post the finished product later.
(It’s a tiger and a red panda if it’s to hard to tell, tiger obviously represents the one I once loved and the red panda at the bottom represents me.)
I’ve known for quite awhile that my sister has been sexually active. Although it may not be my place I’ve tried to explain to her that she’s really much too young to being doing such. But, why listen to me right? But tonight I was pushed over board. The reason why is she just turned 14, but is now having sex with a 19 year old man. I confronted him today at a Shell, while not much happened other than a shoving match and getting in each other faces, some bystanders called police. Of course they just let us go as neither of us have warrants but that’s not the reason I’m upset. My sister then tells me she “absolutely hates me” and no long wishes to talk. I just wish she could see I’m trying to help her. But anyways, that rant is off my chest. Time to go snort some perc 30s as that seems like the only way I can cope anymore. Goodnight people ?
I am sitting here wondering if I cut again what will they do If they see and I told them the fact i did it on purpose…or if I try to kill myself and I fail what on earth will they do?
Before me husband threaten to to tell my dad and brother but he not talking to my family but have to live with his . I really dont give two flying fucks if he tells his parents I would love to see there recations.
they talk about it….it would look bad on there part becuse every one we know ..knows im not like that or will I get a nick name like suicide Sophie….this girl is older than I met her twice. She had cuts on her arms and face some were scabed over some scars some were still bleeding ……the day I met her father was killed by drunk driver her mother was in icu .her sister blamed herslef for her fathers death and tried to kill self that night Infront of me they need three grown man to pull the knife away .I remember how it shined in the dark room .
Would I get name like that I wonder mabey he would start helping with life if he saw the cuts or mabey throw me away ….i dont know I think I will try to find out…
Hello guys. I don’t know where to start. This is my first post here.
I have borderline personality disorder and find it nearly impossible to have meaningful and healthy relationships. I feel so alone all the time and have no one I can talk to about it. When I try I get the stereotypical “try to be less negative.” This loneliness leads to hatred. Hatred of happy people. Hatred of laughing kids. Hatred of those with good jobs and loving girlfriends. Hatred of the world; and even more hatred for those who can’t see how fucked up it is. This hatred drove away my girlfriend, it drives away my friends and even drives away my family. No one wants to be around me anymore.
I deal with this hatred however I can. Video games and painting (my former hobbies) stopped being interesting to me years ago. Now I rely on sex, drinking, and drugging to dull my pain and stop thinking. But even these are no longer effective.
I am an attractive 25 year old male; yet I feel like a 60 year old man. I am tired. I can’t keep going through life like this. These emotions are wearing me down. If these are the best years of my life; then I want out. I can’t even imagine how miserable I’ll be when I’m old.
I just want it to end. This hatred and loneliness is destroying me. I want to end my life before I ruin my own reputation in the eyes of my family and what little friends I haven’t driven away yet.
I obviously have no where else to turn.
Not really sure why I’m doing this, I stumbled across this site to let family and friends know if something was to happen. Coming here I’ve read a lot of people’s personal struggles, and my heart goes out to you all, and to you FUCKS out there with your perfect lives, well you can chew on this, cause if anyone can go through what I have and not think about putting a fuckin hole through the back of your head, well you’re definitely a better man than me, so here it goes. Not gonna bother with my miserable childhood, I’ll just say my pops isn’t my real pops so I was never gonna live up to his expectations. So let’s fast forward through all the other bullshit that life had waiting for until 2001 when my first love, the mother of my 2 oldest children was killed in a car accident, speed to 2003 when my biological pops died, hmmm, 2004 is when I lost the greatest woman in my life, my momma, onwards and upwards until we get to 2012, that was the year that my oldest son, my namesake, my road dawg was killed in a car accident, ironically just like his mother, let me see, 2015 was when my little angel, my first granddaughter Passed away, oh yeah, 2 days after that we found my nephew dead of an overdose and yes, he was living with me and my wife and kids. And last but certainly not least, I lost my grandson 10 months ago, not to mention all the other friends and family along the way, Not only the deaths but I was averaging around 70-75 grand a year not a bad chunk of change, I met and married the woman of my dreams, ” my angel ” had great step kids, but like everything else I love, I lost them too. You see she just up and filed for divorce and I found out by text that day at work, yep a fuckin text letting me know my marriage was over and to pick up my clothes lol, but at least I have my job, ummm not anymore, I was laid-off 3 months ago, so now I live where I can and why wouldn’t I, everybody should have a middle aged man sleeping on their couch, I’d get another job but yep you guessed it, my car isn’t running, but yet I’m still here. Lmfao. And I swear the next guy that is in front of me and says ” everything will be ok,” or the ever popular ” well it can’t get any worse ” I’m hittin right in the fuckin mouth, cause it can get worse, and it has gotten worse, but yet there’s still those assholes that’ll say I should hold on or it’s a sin to kill yourself, let me clue you into something, the only ones that call it a sin are the fuckin Catholics, the BIBLE says blaspheming the HOLY SPIRT is the only unforgivable sin, ( yes I’ve read the BIBLE ) and if JESUS, the son of GOD HIMSELF can’t forgive me for throwing in the towel then didn’t HE die in vain ??? Think about that next you wanna judge someone, by the way, judging people is also a fuckin sin ” HYPOCRITES ” fuck it I’m done here, when I throw a slug through my head, at the end of the day it’s my choice, like everyone else’s, ” CHOICES ” that would be freewill right ???
I like to listen to what faces have to say, especially when their mouths are shut. The Man in Black has a face that makes you lean in closer and listen. I want to hear.
Life is the same. Depressing and shit. Blah blah blah. Nobody cares what I say, with or without words. No one leans in closer. No one asks questions even after I offer the answers. Because it’s the same old shit. People want a problem to solve, but once they realize they can’t fix it, that they just have to live with it, they don’t want to hear it anymore. I’m that problem that nobody wants to live with or hear. Well, Johnny gets it. Everybody listens, but nobody hears. I try, Johnny, I do. I try to hear. The problem with being a body is that you have ears and a mouth, but some people aren’t allowed to use both. Some people are only people when they’re useful. I will hear, over and over, but never be heard.
But honestly, who cares? Out of 7 billion people, I am absolutely forgettable. I read an article in the New York Times about a man that died, and no one noticed for quite some time. He had no family or next in kin. His neighbors only knew something was wrong, because he didn’t move his car for street-cleaning. He died anonymously. They had to ID him with only medical records and his teeth, because there was no one to claim him. The people in his will (drawn up in the ’80s) hadn’t spoken to him for decades. The man noted as executor of his estate handed it over to the government to deal with. No. One. Cared. People can live totally anonymous lives and die like they never existed. So, really, what’s the point? Why bother? We don’t matter. So why the pain and the fatigue and the sickness and the rejection? I’m tired, tired, tired…”sing me to sleep, sing me to sleep, I don’t want to wake up on my own anymore…”
Hey everybody how your morning so far .?
So I was sitting in cab going to a mall and I was playing spot the murder, rapist or pedo with myself. When I seen two kids running across the street laughing and man in his late 20s early 30s was just starring at them . At first I was like he’s a rapy pedo 12 points. But then when we drove past him and I got a good look at his face. There was Agony and sadness in his eyes. He was wishing to be young happy and laughing and not living the life he has . it took me off guard that I took so much Noticesto this one man. I took notice to nothing else because I actually felt a stranger agony just by looking at him. I became a scared to feel anything eles.
I just called my insurance company… but I had a strange connection with the operator that answered. He made me feel a million times better. We were laughing and joking for like 10 minutes and he was actually a bit unprofessional and he kept saying how unprofessional he was being. It was cute. It was nice. Is it weird that I almost wanted to tell him to call me? Is it desperate? Have I reached that point where I’m desperate? lol. I’m not going to be modest, it’s not as if I can’t find a man if I want it, but it’s hard to find someone with my sense of humor and that gets me. Like last week I met this guy, he was really nice, but he didn’t get my humor. It just made me feel stupid when I said something that I thought was funny and he was looking like “wtf”. This guy on the phone totally had my sense of humor. Darn it. Part of me didn’t want to flirt with him in case it was awkward for him or if it would jeopardize his job.
It just made me realize how much I need laughter in my life. It’s not as if I don’t have friends or family that provide laughs… but there is nothing like laughing with a companion. Nothing at all.
Three guys walk into a motel to get a room for the night.
The attendant, a new hire, is unsure how to charge three people for one room. So he decides on $10 each, totaling $30. Each guy pays with a $10 bill.
The manger comes to check on the new attendant. He informs him, the room is $25 regardless of number of occupants. The manager gives the attendant five $1 bills, instructing him to take the men a refund.
The attendant, knowing each man paid $10, can’t decide how to split $5 between the three guys. So he pockets $2, gives each of them $1 back.
Now, each man paid $10 minus the $1 refund.
At $9 a piece, the 3 guys spent $27 on the room.
The attendant kept $2 for himself.
Where’s the remaining dollar?
I cant get it out. This demon that resides in me. This demon is taking its punches at me and I cant take it. Why is God so cruel. Why did he make me like this. What is going on.
I dont have a place in this world. I thought I was fine. I thought I may survive. Oh God I am a broken man.
Many of you were here for one of the most amazing romances ever known to man… i was notified last night that my true love kaylee bush took her life… It was ironic because i told her our love was like romeo and juliet except we were going to save each other from suicide instead of cause it.. in her note she notified family that we would be eternally NUTBUSH, hense the name change… the last time i talked to her she said she wasnt sure if she was strong enough to make it.. i should be happy for her and i guess i am, but i am sad for me.. She taught me how to love again, and gave me a reason to live.. i am stronger because of it, and i now know what it would feel like for anyone who might love me… I am going to try hard to stay with you amazing folks, but if i cant (Bare with, bare with, bare with) sorry inside joke.. i know my dear sweet bush will be waiting moistly magically delicious… Bush.. you knew how much i loved you and so did i… im glad you got to go loved… send me a rainbow…
Youtube: ELLIE GOULDING– LOVE ME LIKE YOU DO
DARRIN HAYES SO BEAUTIFUL THESE WERE OUR SONGS PLEASE LISTEN..
i wonder how much more can a fragile mind take before it cracks and you become a sociopath/psychopath
like fuck me im on my way there depressed suicidal anxious insomnia depersonalisation borderline personality disorder self harming If I run around cutting my self thats pretty much ok but if I do it to another person I’m a psychopath right ? Haha I think I need to be put away in a padded room with one of them hug yourself jackets til they can give us brain transplants or we wire this 1 cause it’s pretty message up
god dishing out any miracles ?
My prays go unanswered I’m walking blind here man kinda of struggling psychically fine mentally crippled I’m stranded no hope I can’t do this on my own don’t leave me out here in the dark no more the demons are real they eat at your soul sucking the very last bit of life from you it’s called depression Depression is like a cancer is start of small then spreads its way though your hole body and mind making us walking corpses we eat sleep shit that’s pretty much it or stare at the tv not really watching it just looking not at not behind just staring into nothingness ” deep breath “
So, it seems he has some skinny tiny girl interested in him. She’s of course not pretty. Way too gaunt and malnourished looking, but that’s what he likes. Anorexic and underweight. She looks young and she has two babies exactly 9 months apart and I guess no baby daddies in the picture. WHY must every man want these sluts just because they’re anorexic??? I’ve accepted that I was born to be alone and never have love in my life, but it still hurts to see my dream guy getting close to someone.
At 38 I feel like I have nothing worth living for, and I am just a ghost to everything and everyone around me. I grew up with an abusive father who my mother still is married to. I have been living in LA for 17 years trying to chase my dream of working in the film industry. My best friend killed himself back 2010 and left me in his will. I had money but I lost it al because I couldn’t find anyone to hire me. So I used my money to work on other people’s movies for free. I’ve had a boyfriend for three years who is a nice man, but I feel he never has time for me because he is too busy helping everyone else and trying to make his own career in the film industry. My only other family are my grandparents but my grandmother is terminally ill with a brain tumor so I have been spending a lot of time out their place taking care of them. While I’m there I keep hoping I will hear back from one of the many companies I have applied to. I can’t even seem to find work as a temp. Nobody thinks for a second that I am in a living hell. My boyfriend watched me drink a whole bottle of wine last night and then have a nervous breakdown all morning. He left an hour ago to go meet with an investor that his friend in New York asked him to meet, because if the guy is able to invest than my boyfriend can make a movie and help his friend move back out here. Again I feel like a ghost. I kept believing things would get better. I told myself everyday someone is going to email you, someone will be able to help. I also don’t have any money because I have paid for years out of pocket for health insurance and spent a boat load on a therapist. So with no job and no inheritance left I am about to become homeless. I know we are all responsible for only ourselves and I have tried for years but I can’t, I absolutely can no longer pick myself up off the ground. I have no reason to keep living. I can’t move home to live a man who abused my whole childhood. I can’t live on the streets feared of being rape as I was raped when I was 22 by a man who sold me a car. I don’t ever see a man ever marring me because I have become so emotionally unstable and I don’t think I will ever be able to have my own children. So what’s left?
Just watched the documentary on the Golden Gate Bridge was a good documentary about suicide there was one story that stood out to me there was this one man who wanted to be a manager of a games store the day he committed suicide he got the call for the job he wanted it shows you never know what’s round the corner I hope things get better for all of us I hope soon the light will shine though the darkness I hope our path will be lit up so we can finally know where we are going